Caught my husband on chatterbate. Feeling like shit. He lied and said it was a pop up. Then he said his friend sent him the link. I had him show me his search history which was all chaterbate. Doesn’t look like he paid but I wouldn’t know the difference. He finally said yes he’s been watching porn for months now. I ask him why, crying, devastated from my own past insecurities with him having wandering eyes and getting too close to a co worker (this was 3 years ago) and having my college boyfriend cheat on me which really messed me up. What I don’t understand is we have sex weekly, I’m very adventurous, in shape, submissive, role play, we do everything. If a man is satisfied in bed why does he look elsewhere. Also he tells me he watches during the day not to jerkoff just because he’s bored and he thinks he might be a porn addict ???? He used to watch porn heavily (he literally paid for it on cable) then he canceled the subscription after I told him I don’t like that. We’ve been together for 5 years total. This Christmas will be 1 year of marriage for us. I never forbade him to watch porn but he knows it makes me uncomfortable. He should’ve came clean I think I would’ve handled this better. Should we see a sex therapist? When we have sex now I will just think he’s wishing I had bigger boobs, like the women he watches. I’m so sad and feel so ugly, like I’m not good enough. I told him I don’t want to be around him anymore and he’s going to crash at a friends house this week. Would a sex therapist help ?
6 comments
Paying for porn and doing the whole webcam girl thing really takes it a step too far. I think he needs help with his addiction before anything else. If sex therapy can help in that area then I say go for it.
And don’t blame yourself for his porn usage. Many men, myself included, just like the ease and variety of it from time to time—it really has nothing to do with what our women look like or may be “lacking”.
Anyway, it sounds like you all could benefit from traditional couples therapy as well to work on the lies, lack of trust, and past traumas.
Counselling might help, I’m not sure sex therapy is what you need. It sounds like he has other issues around this. It’s not that you’re not good enough. You’re fine. Don’t change to try and please him in an attempt to stop this behaviour. If you are doing or not doing something that is causing this, you should try to find out through counseling.
I hope you figure this out. Good luck
So he’s not cheating on you but he’s still going to pay for your insecurities
I think he’d be fine with you getting naked online with a guy you give money to, so go ahead and have some fun.
Pretty unsupportive comments so far. OP, you’re feelings are completely valid. My husband and I struggled with similar issues in our early marriage. We just talked about it a lot. End of the day, if you love each other your desire to learn about and support him will get you through times you feel insecure, and you will see him taking actions to live in a way that makes you feel valid and secure. Just talk about it in a non judgmental way. It takes a lot of talking. These conversations aren’t a “one and done” kinda thing. So just expect it to be one of those things you work on.
i agree with other comments here that he needs to get counselling to figure out the root cause of this preference of paying for online porn ie. webcam girls and having rowing eyes (which tbh is very uncomfortable for the subject).
and sweetie, do not project his problem/addiction issue onto yourself confidence/body image. this is solely on him and not you. if you have been keeping up with a healthy body for the purpose of a better you then you have done what you could have done.