Needing some advice on feeling the ‘wobbles’
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months. He has kids, I have kids, we’ve met each others kids and all the kids have met each other.
Recently we all stayed over at his, all the kids together. And alas, for the past week or so I’m feeling very wobbly about it all.
For concept, I was single for 4 years but dated off and on. Never anything exclusive or serious and never introduced my children to anyone else.
I thought long and hard about introducing my children to him and did so feeling ready and comfortable. And he did the same with his. We made the leap after 4 months.
But something has changed for me. I don’t know what and I feel awful about it.
I feel stifled when he is touchy feel with me. Which he has always been, but suddenly I’m finding it irritating and a bit suffocating.
He has mentioned us all living together one day, maybe in about 2 years and I find difficult envisaging that actually being a reality.
I’ve lived independently all these years and I love it. I absolutely love my own space and time.
I’m also finding myself nit picking over some of things he does/says. Stuff that isn’t new and how he’s always been. But suddenly it’s bothering me somewhat- when it never did before.
This has all began since we all stayed over and I just can’t explain it.
I think he can feel that I’ve withdrawn a little and I feel bad for this.
I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way out of nowhere and why.
Is it just cold feet, or just adjusting to the change in dynamics. Or is it the beginning of the end?
Can anyone shed some light on this for me?
Any advice or theories?
Is this normal to feel wobbly when things get more serious?
Any advice or experiences would be appreciated
7 comments
Have you considered explicitly communicating that you don’t want to live together and that you will want to have a Living Apart Together arrangement with him at least until the kids have left the nest? Sounds like you don’t want to escalate the relationship into cohabitation, and clearly agreeing to that might very well ease your discomfort and anxiety.
Sometimes our inner saboteur can be so used to conflict that a steady and stable, serious relationship can seem boring and we find ourselves running for the hills
Avoidant attachment?
Fear of engulfment?
Fear of intimacy/commitment?
Have you had a discussion about merging lives in the future? Is that something you even want? I feel like it would’ve been ideal to have that discussion before you guys introduced the kids. Do you even know what you want?
> I absolutely love my own space and time.
This is the issue in a nutshell. It sounds like you may be an introvert in a relationship with someone who is more extroverted. That combination can work just fine. but you need to communicate that you just need your space.
For me, what helped with a similar situation was when my SO took up a new hobby. He was excited about it and invested in learning a new skill, so when he was doing that, I could just keep to myself and take a break.
It sounds like you have developed the ick. From my experience, it doesn’t go away.
Sounds like you may have discovered the ick.