Our relationship is very strange, we’re long distance and we haven’t met yet… but we talk constantly every day for the last 8 months that we’ve been dating.
I was cheated on in a previous relationship and it took me years to overcome it. And when I finally did I thought I was ready to date. I did unsuccessfully for a while, but finally found this new girl and I ignored a lot of red flags that I usually wouldn’t put up with.
I’m almost certain she’s cheating, I would bet anything on it because I see all of the signs. But rather than feeling hurt by it, it excites me and turns me on.
I hate that a lot because I know I’m not poly. And I even sort of egg her on without explicitly saying to cheat… and I think she in turn is turned on by telling me she’s cheating without actually telling me. It feels like a sort of dance we’re doing. It’s very odd and I don’t like this situation and I’m not happy, but it’s a sick thrill and I don’t understand it at all. I don’t even want her to admit she’s cheating because it’s … alluring somehow this whole thing.
When I’m super turned on I get close to telling her it’s ok if she cheats and I’ll forgive her if she does, that I won’t think of her differently etc. but then… post nut clarity kicks in and I’m appalled at myself for warming up to the idea of her cheating.
Can anyone relate? What’s wrong with me?
TLDR; I think my girlfriend is cheating and it turns me on, I at times egg her on to do it without admitting I know, and I think she also gets off on me not knowing she’s cheating but sort of hinting at it. I’m not happy but at the same time I like it… and I hate that about myself.
9 comments
This sounds like a pretty standard, not terribly uncommon cuckholding/hot wife fetish. I’m sorry you’re unhappy, but it’s not a bad thing. It could be that because your relationship lives on the cusp of reality (haven’t actually met, perhaps no plans to meet), this fantasy has full reign over your sexual desires. You may feel differently about a relationship that was in person. The only way to discover that is to end this one and find another. But at the end of the day, this is such a common fetish (relatively speaking) that you may grow to embrace it. If you truly hate it, the only thing I can think of is therapy.
There’s a lot of porn about this and subreddits too.
This is an extremely common fetish. Everything is okay. You just need to find a way to explore this in an emotionally safe way. Google cuckholding/hot wife information and get educated about how other people negotiate and indulge in this in a healthy way.
Maybe it turns you on because that means you take control of the situation, where before when you were cheated on you had no say it just happened.
I was cheated on for 7 years to my ex husband I have now fantisied about my new partner having sex with someone else whilst I watch, I told him this I said I don’t understand why suddenly I think like this I hate cheaters, he said, well it makes sense before you had no control but now when you fasting about it it’s because you’re allowing it, and I was like omg yes! Like I’d never want him to do that but it makes so much sense!
Without sounding rude, she isn’t your real life girlfriend you know like you never met never hugged never hung out went on real dates together, so this may be why you’re so comfortable with it because you never have met, hope that makes sense.
Best of luck ❤️
Yeah this is a kink, but like all kinks needs to be explored safely. Dating someone you can’t trust who is legitimately trying to stab you in the back is not safe. You should find a partner that you trust and explore this by mutual agreement.
Being turned on by something isn’t consent. If she’s cheating on you dump her, she doesn’t care about hurting you and will likely hurt you in other ways too. She didn’t know you would be into it at any level so the intention was still bad. If you guys ever meet up there is a health risk involved too. Reflect if this is only a fantasy or something you’d actually like to explore and then maybe introduce it in a safe way in a different, healthy relationship. Remember, many people fantasise about things they don’t want in real life.
>we’re long distance and we haven’t met yet… but we talk constantly every day for the last 8 months
Do you have plans to meet? Because honestly, this relationship sounds more theoretical than real.
That’s not a relationship bro that’s a pen pal. She probably shares your messages with her real boyfriend.
I went through something quite similar, Dm me