I’m a typical geek, who likes gaming, loves Hogging food.an ambivert by nature.
The kinda women I’m attracted to tend to hold alcohol better than I do ( way higher tolerance) , prefer dominant men , usually smoke (i don’t) so they don’t feel comfortable being themselves as they don’t have the right company. (Not smoke or drink much, not go out too much on the dance floor) basically have very little in common and have different idea of having “fun” which mostly involves getting intoxicated.
Is there any point in changing myself so that i can appear attractive to the ones I find attractive? i.e start drinking more, try being more assertive and dominant , take dance classes, start watching F1 , be more into fitness ?
I’m very horny these days so sex/hookups is what’s mostly on my mind. But once that phase is done I’d want to date someone and maybe find love.
I’m worried my partner my see my facade , and realise I’m just a boring guy who likes eating and gaming and have nothing going for me when I’m not putting up an act.
I am aware that looks aren’t everything, but i just can’t seem to appreciate inner beauty without getting through the exterior right now.
Tldr : is putting up an act and forcing yourself to do stuff that the ladies you’re into find attractive worth it ? What’s a healthier way to go about it, if you’re geeky and mostly vanilla.
8 comments
Honestly it will be in the end. I have now had two failed relationships as a result of it. If you pretend to be something your not it will always fail in the end. In my opinion you have to be true to yourself first. Out of both of those relationships thats what i found out the most. The person that will understand you the most is someone that has had similar experience and interests to you. You might also want to try new things. Personally it’s how I found my love of hiking.
I am like the girls that you like and my BF is a nerdy, introverted, PhD student who can’t drink half a beer without getting drunk and I love him just the way he is. Don’t be something you’re not… Being inauthentic is one of the least attractive things you could be.
First, ask yourself: “Am I happy with myself the way I am now?” rather than “Would the people I’m interested in be happier if I changed?” sometimes, your attraction to something unlike yourself can express a discomfort with yourself. Not always, but sometimes. As a “nerd”, why do you feel like you don’t feel attracted to other nerds? You said that you’re “very horny”, so I imagine that maybe the image you have of a “nerdy woman” in your head doesn’t coincide with what sexually appeals to you. But I think the solution is pretty simple. If you want to engage in hookup culture, you’re going to have to prep yourself for it. Hone your charisma, work out, improve your fashion sense, etc. Hookup culture is in and of itself rather superficial, and being superficial, the only things you need to alter to participate in it are superficial traits. You do not need to stop being a nerd if you just want to have sex and nothing else. When it comes to actually pursuing a meaningful relationship though, you should probably take a long look at yourself first.
It’ll bite you in the ass in the end, I wouldn’t do it.
To pursue sex? Nah, fake it til you make it.
For a relationship… she’s going to meet the real you eventually, pointless.
Dancing lessons and handling a few drinks wouldn’t hurt your chances overall and actually pretty fun. Don’t know why sport you’re going for is specifically F1 though.
I wouldn’t say that it depends on whether or not your change in persona is to give you better odds of a date or if it’s to give you the chance to become a better person.
Improving yourself is way different than improving your odds.
I think if you find yourself wanting to be better in a different way then that would be a reason to change your persona by making it a real change with real intent and not just to get dates.
If that persona is fake then the girl you date will leave you anyways when they find out it was fake.
On the other hand it might be OK to temporarily change your persona just to get the opportunity to date someone and then slowly introduce them to your real self. Sometimes this works because it tells the girl that you’re into her enough to put an effort to try to know her. Then again it could backfire because your persona was not totally honest.
I would say to improve your persona permanently so that you can attract the women you want to date.
Sell your videogames, buy a punching bag and do some magic mushrooms. Start working out. Dont fake your personality just be a stronger more attractive version of yourself. Dont waste time with games tho man, dont waste time with drinking either. Buy a set of rollerblades or something, chicks love athletic skills