I (24f) have been online dating for a couple years now and nothing ever lasts very long. Even the most promising situations always manage to fall apart, usually because the other person doesn’t want to commit for some reason.
I’m at the point in my life where I feel ready and would like to have a long term relationship, but it hurts to keep trying and putting myself out there only to get shut down every. damn. time. I know getting rejected is a pat of life and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s my fault, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m a hopeless case when it keeps happening.
I guess I’m writing this because I need some advice or encouragement. How do y’all deal with this kind of scenario? it’s demoralizing, so i feel like i should take a break from searching for a while, but i am so lonely…
6 comments
People tend to reject commitment if they think they can do better. Maybe you are going after the guys with the best romantic experience, the best courting, always says the right thing and makes you “feel great”… keep in mind, where do you think someone would get all this experience to always seem to say the “right things”? A hell of a-lot of practice :).
Online dating sucks. Find ways to meet people in real life.
Location?
Have fun! Experiment. Just date and let things fall in place. The less stress the more people you will meet.
What I can offer you is some insight into why your situation may be happening.
The owner of a grocery store insists on buying tiny watermelons. He insists they take up less space and are easier to carry. Yet when he thinks about these tiny watermelons he realizes that they’re not very good and yet he keeps looking for more tiny watermelons.
I think you are subconsciously stuck on tiny watermelons.
Think about the kind of guys you’re saying yes to and going out with. Figure out what characteristics attract you to them or cause you to say yes to them. That List of things that attract you are your dating values.
If you’re dating values bring you guys that treat problems then you need to rethink those values and replace the ones that are causing problems. It could be things like good looks or tall height or good speaker or charming or nice hair etc..
We all have a subconscious list of what we are looking for in the person that we want to be happy with. That subconscious list defines who we decide to go out with whether or not they might be good for us or not.
Change your list to change your life. I realize it sounds too simple but it’s not really that complex.
Just my opinion.
You could find someone that is attracted to you and would cling to you but you wouldnt be happy. Honestly guys are pretty damn primal, there is no changing it, you gotta workout, eat healthy and be a lady. Men are pretty simple, just keep strong. You dont gotta be popular or funny or anything like that to land your dream guy. If your physically fit, have long hair and good hygiene and can make a man feel relaxed validated and special and have good mom skills your set. You dont need to be born with a pretty face or a big ass or tits, just be healthy, physically and mentally. It all goes back to simple biology, men find a suitable healthy mate that can raise the young. We are cavemen with cellphones!