For context, my girlfriend and I are both virgins (and from virgin I mean we have never had intercourse). We have been in a relationship for over a year now and are very intimate in general.
The problem is my girlfriend is very uncomfortable around my penis, she does not want to see it or touch it, whereas I have done pretty much all the magic that my fingers and mouth can do to her vagina. Other than that she is completely okay with dry humping, but the catch is I still have to wear my pants when I do it. That’s pretty much the only action that my penis gets during our time in bed, basically rubbing against her vagina through clothes.
She had made it very clear that she will never give me a BJ because she finds a penis to be gross (again, not talking about my penis because she has never seen it), but she did say that she can have an intercourse maybe sometime in the future because she wouldn’t have to touch it. I of course don’t want her to give me a BJ because I respect her boundaries.
So given the current situation of our intimacy, what should I do to make her comfortable around my penis? Should I ask her to first see it and touch it first, or do I ask her for intercourse? I need advice on what I can potentially say to her to make the move.
Important note:
1. We are in a very healthy relationship otherwise
2. Even now I would say that our time in bed is absolutely amazing, I really enjoy doing things with her
6 comments
>Should I convince my girlfriend for intercourse?
No.
Respect her boundaries, don’t pressure her. She clearly doesn’t seem to be ready for more currently. You can ask and offer, but if she says no leave it alone.
You can talk about things and you can ask her what she is comfortable with but you absolutely cannot coerce or pressure her.
It can take people a long time to be comfortable touching another person and there could be a multitude of reasons as to why.
You can try to understand these, but you have to be careful about how you approach it and seek to clearly understand not to use as a tool to get what you want.
Ultimately, you can leave a relationship if you’re not getting your needs met; sexual or otherwise. But you cannot force your partner into meeting them.
Aside from the obvious point that you shouldn’t be try to convince / coerce your girlfriend into having sex, I think the bigger issue is that she appears to have some very clear hang-ups about penises. That she allows you to go down on her indicates that it isn’t a general hang-up about sex, but clearly she is disgusted or has some other aversion to the male organ in general (obviously not yours in particular).
Assuming that she actually is straight or bisexual (and not lesbian), then she has some issues that need to be dealt with in counselling. If she is not willing to admit that she has some issues and not interested in counselling, then you will need to think carefully about your future with her unless you are prepared for this over the long term.
Is she afraid of your size?
How often do you bathe?
She might have some fear/discomfort with your dick that has nothing to do with you. I’d ask her if she wants you to pleasure her with a dildo (if she enthusiastically says yes ask if she wants it to be the same size as your dick). If she indicates she wants something a lot smaller she may be afraid your size will hurt her and you may both need to work through that together.
>not talking about my penis because she has never seen it
There might be some benefit to letting her have a chance to be around it in an ordinary situation, like sharing a shower or bath with you. If she doesn’t even know what it’s like, she might be filling in the blanks with some kind of evil tentacle monster from her imagination and all the negative stories she’s heard from family or whatever.
I don’t know if it would actually be productive, but maybe sometime you could ask her how she would feel if you decided that her pussy was just arbitrarily gross and you couldn’t stand to look at or touch it. Kind of hurtful, right?
But anyway, maybe if you took baths together or something she would like your dick if she got to know it better?
Huh? What’s gonna happen if later down the road you two have a baby boy? She can’t change his diaper cause she doesnt wanna see or touch it too?