Why is dating like this? And does it make anyone else want to give up?
I’m 36. I met a guy on bumble last week. He’s 40. We exchanged numbers on Friday. We haven’t talked THAT much. Some texting, little getting to know each other.
He mentioned getting together today. He mentioned beach (it’s raining) or seeing top gun (not playing anymore the theater he mentioned) it’s 2pm and no clue what is going on.
Yesterday he started getting suuuuuuper sexual in text. Talking about going down on me, being hard, wanting to make me scream, asking if I’m turned on. And more I can’t remember. Uh? We haven’t even met. I redirected the conversation. Late last night he was telling me to come give him a kiss. I declined. He said he would come to me. I fell asleep and never responded until this morning when I just said good morning!
Since both plans we discussed aren’t options I asked what he wants to do and he said ”misbehave with you.” I told him, I mean a specific idea. And he said, “maybe dinner so I can fondle you under the table.”
😑😑😑😑😑 I don’t even want to respond. Dinner so we can get to know each other would be great but dinner because you think it’ll lead to sex sounds less enticing.
Ideas on how to respond 🤨 I included that he’s 40 because I feel like he should be better at this by now lol
43 comments
Gross. In this case, I think you’re totally justified ghosting this dude.
All he wants is sex! Is that what you want? At 36, I would hope you know when men want a true relationship vs. a sex buddy.
yikes… you can say something like, “this is not what i expected” / “i’m looking for a relationship, not a hookup” / i wish you luck in finding a partner who will suit your needs”
and then i’d block him.
“I don’t even want to respond.” Girl, then don’t! You’ve already seen too much bad behavior, why would you want to meet this guy in person?!
Nope this is literally dating in your 40s.
I’m 42 and 99% of the” conversations ” with folks end up me blocking because a person 10 years my senior or more is acting like a total neanderthal – and making it so I am no longer interested in meeting.
Block those who trample human decency and boundries – they’ll only continue to do so if anything moved forward anyways.
Why would you waste your precious time continuing to engage with this person? He’s not going to be any better in person.
I’d stop talking to him and I’m a guy.
I mean he’s doing way too much too early. Just move on.
Believe it or not, there are women out there who do go for this kind of talk. That’s why he does it.
On to the next for you
This guy only wants one thing..
Sometimes people will test boundary’s to see what they are, and that’s fine. But then the person who’s being tested has to make the boundary’s clear. If then boundary’s are then crossed, that’s a red flag.
But in this case.. you haven’t even met this guy and he’s already acting like he’s after sex only! WTH!
I would never ghost anyone, I would say I’m not interested anymore in a grown up who acts like a teenager, and then block.🤷🏻♀️ but if you feel better ghosting this dude.. that’s your right offcourse. he had it coming with his behavior.
I don’t get how people at that age, can behave like that.. mental.
Don’t respond, or just say “no thanks”. Why are you spending so much effort trying to think of a respectful/appropriate response when he has been nothing but disrespectful to you?
Sounds like he’s low effort.
Unmatch & block his number.
His bad manners have nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally. Age has nothing to do with emotional intelligence.
Sounds like it’s not a match. It happens. Why are you reluctant to cut ties with someone who makes you feel so uncomfortable and clearly isn’t a match for what you want?
I’m the type of person to give a response:
“You haven’t even been able to plan a date but expect me to let you touch me? It seems our intentions are not aligned.”
Dude is a gross waste of time. Please consider your safety and don’t put yourself in a questionable or awkward situation because I promise you that “getting to know him” is going to be something you’re going to regret.
He sounds like a complete douche. That kinda talk is fun WHEN you have established a connection or at very least when the other person is reciprocating/engaging.
Don’t even bother responding and move on
I’m 36 too. I ghost that shit. I don’t know why they still act like they’re 18. It’s gross and I’d much rather remain single
He is that kind of guy who will start out decent, so he thinks he can make you like him and then he will start devaluing the relationship and hope that you won’t notice. Always look at his actions, not what he says.
Don’t meet in person. He might SA you
What a nut, jesus
This guy must be handsome, because why are you even thinking about this? Unmatch/Block… you don’t have to send him anything.
Seems like 50% of guys in OLD are just out to get their dicks wet. Ignore it, don’t take it personally, stop talking to him.
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is not.
Don’t respond since you don’t want to.
Don’t respond – block and delete
……? WDYM “how do I respond”? you don’t respond.
Unless you’re looking to just have sex same as this guy…… you delete his number.
Why didn’t you block him already ? Wtf
This guy has made it **abundantly** clear what he wants with you. How do you still not get the picture???
Just end it.
Why are you tolerating this?
Drop him. Fast.
wtf? Please do move on from that.
Block his nasty ass! At age 40, it’s unfortunate he can’t hold a decent conversation w/o turning it into sexual. Don’t waste your time.
Don’t respond. I’m surprised you let it go beyond his saying he wanted to misbehave with you. So obvious he just wants to screw.
Why are you responding still 🤔
Why would you respond? He doesn’t seem like he is worth moving forward with.
Just stop talking to him. You’re worried about being polite to someone who is being vulgar and offensive.
Your responses — even to deflect — are encouraging for him. If you’re not into, best thing to do is to just fade him out/block and delete.
Why are you putting up with this? Whenever I get even one sexual message from a guy I’ve never met I hit the Block button. There’s no reason to even respond here.
I don’t understand why you’re still responding
>Ideas on how to respond
Does someone need to spell this out for you? He only wants to hook up. Nothing more.
Girl, you need to work on your boundaries. Why are you texting him good morning? Why are you allowing this to continue? The only text he deserves is a “fuck off” text. I mean, I’m no prude. I’m down for a sexual text but not from this awkward, cringe dork who can’t read a fucking room. Jesus, this was stressful to read but I don’t think you made it clear that you aren’t interested. You’re too passive. Guys are generally dense- you gotta be very loud and clear about things.
Like everyone else here has summed it up….male or female … I think we all agree… GROSS!
If he upset you yesterday why are you still talking to him today. Just say no thanks and move along.
Ok, update.
I told him off, kind of. Told him he hasn’t even planned a date, what makes him think I want to be touched like that? Then I said he’s clearly just looking for someone to hookup with and it’s absolutely not me.
He messaged me back saying, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” Which sounds like a cop-out to me.
I blocked him afterwards. No thank you.
Thank you to everyone for all the advice!