What are some signs when you are on a date with someone that it’s not safe to go home with them?

10 comments

1. Not respecting your boundaries. Someone that shows they don’t respect boundaries you set around small things (topics of conversation; how personal you’re comfortable getting; touch; etc) is not going to respect larger boundaries. If you say no to anything and they push you on it, bye.

2. I think its really intuition. Some red flags for me would be, if they got too intoxicated on our date (a drink or two fine but getting plastered?? no), if the conversation seems a little forced or they keep sliding in innuendos or sexual jokes, if they just straight up say “lets go back to my place” and its unprompted/not how the conversation was going, if they talk negatively about past relationships

3. This is more generalised:

   Scammers and creeps try to convey an urge of necessity: You **NEED** to do **this** now, otherwise bad things will happen. That is a lie.

   That is a lie, but it’s more subtle than that: Their urgency is a means to trick you into actions you haven’t thought through.

   Anybody trying to time-pressure you into anything is up to no good.

   ‘Tasting this lovely sweet **next week**’ isn’t different to tasting it ‘**now**’. If they say you need to taste it **now** assume it’s spiked. Walk away, call the police and tell your story.

   (This only applies to Europeans.. Americans: Sorry, I do not know..)

4. shows up to a date wearing a baseball cap/hat that he won’t take off, makes a big deal of NOT paying for you (even if you didn’t ask and weren’t going to) OR makes it a huge deal that he IS paying for you, only hobby is video games.

5. If they’re too quick with you. Like if they immediately start love bombing you with overly compliments or gifts. I know this might not seem harmful to some people but to others this is usually a manipulation tactic. If they’re too quick to turn a conversation into something sexual and start off convos that are too personal about ur sex lite. Basically disrespecting boundaries and becoming too touchy. Also it’s really just much of an intuition thing.

6. Not respecting boundaries, touching you without your consent, prying about personal details (where you work, live, who you live with etc.), and being unusually pushy about taking you home or having you come over.

7. The bloody t-shirt.

   That and the severed head they’re carrying around.

8. You sense little respect or pushy behavior. Also I don’t recommend going home wtih someone on the first date but thats me

9. [removed]

10. It’s for sure intuition. Hard to explain.

    Some questions to consider:

    Do you know them from before?
    Any mutual friends?
    How sober are you?
    Do you know the area? Is your place nearby? Is his place nearby?
    Is your phone charged?
    How pushy are they?