So my (f20) girlfriend (also f20) and I have been together for a couple months now and it is going wonderfully. We stuck to all the lesbian stereotypes and moved sort of fast but I adore her and even though we are only able to meet every few weeks due to both being college students at different schools we are going great. I’ve figured out some things about myself throughout the relationship, mainly that I’m demisexual rather than asexual as I had been thinking for years which is awesome because I never knew I could feel like this but also creates a huge problem for me. My girlfriend is gorgeous and would fall into most of the conventionally attractive areas, while i am plus sized with a 10 inch scar on my abdomen from surgery a year ago and what have been referred to as “linebacker shoulders”. I know my girlfriend finds me attractive, she is very clear about it, but I just cannot get it through my brain that anyone could look at my body and want anything to do with it. When we have sex usually at most I’ll take my shirt off and get her off a few times and just sort of avoid her touching me even though I want her to, I just always think that if she touches me anywhere but my chest she’s going to be grossed out but not say anything. She’s been dropping more comments about touching me lately and getting me off and I really do want her to, I just don’t want her to see all of me.
This has basically been a long winded way of asking if anyone has tips on working through body image problems that are stunting intimacy?? Thanks for any help <3
3 comments
Start with saying im a guy, but my wife is plus sized as well and deals with a lot of the issues you describe. We’ve been together thirteen years and go at it like rabbits. I love the feel of her body, the whole thing. I want my hands to roam everywhere, all the time, whether we are being intimate or not. She is what Im attracted to, her body is just her, the person I talk to and am intimate with in it is what makes that body sexy. Playing with her is some of the most fun I can have and that love and fun has only grown for me.
If it really doesn’t work out because of what she sees then she wasn’t worth your time, but i get the feeling that what she’s telling you is what she means and you should try to bet on the relationship.
i (22f) and my gf (22f) are kinda going through the same thing. My gf is very self conscious of her body and doesn’t really want me to touch the places she doesn’t feel most confident in (ex: her boobs, they’re big and she’s always hated them). I wish she knew i would do ANYTHING for her to see herself through my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, i am self conscious about my body as well! But i think of how i think of her, and i know she thinks of my body how i think of hers. I hope that helped and made sense, but ultimately all of the validation from another person doesn’t help if you don’t believe it yourself; i’d say that’s the toughest part of it. I wish you gals all the best<3
I am self conscious, i secretly wanted my bf to touch my barely-there boobs, but every time hed try id freeze up, move, or avoid it out of my fear that id disgust or disappoint him.
We started showering together, and i didnt face him at first. Hed wash my back. Then hed want to kiss me. So id face him with my arms crossed or something, but sometimes things would escalate and after sex id be relaxed and now he washes my chest. So, baby steps I guess.
My bf has his insecurities, but i love to touch everwhere. I get something out of rubbing his shoulders, scratching his back, squeezing his legs, playful smacking, small bites, its all love.
Does your gf ever give you a shoulder rub? Appy lotion or sun block? Help you get dressed? Maybe actions were theres touch in a non sexual setting can help ease into this. Or it could lead to sexual touching 😁
Also, the way you described yourself does not sound unattractive! Scars are cool! Getting a new outfit/haircut/tattoo is not a cure for insecurity, but it could help make you feel a bit more beautiful/sexy/badass without relying on anyone elses input.