Not sure if I can be normal like everyone else..

Hey, I wanted to start off by saying im 16 since reddit wants to know these things for some reason but,

Lately I’ve been trying to overcome how shy I am around friends and strangers, so I started small with voice chats with my friends or in discord servers and stuff, which is the easier route since you can’t really see my face or facial expressions/body expressions. And then I try more in VR with vrchat with an avatar I’m comfortable in, and turns out, it seems like that didn’t work. I’m still a nervous wreck and I can’t seem to keep my hands out of my lap when speaking to others, yet I have no difficulty speaking to myself. And I even went to my bf’s birthday party the other day and it was even worse. I had a random anxiety attack (i have diagnosed GAD) and I felt overstimulated. This just tells me that I might not be able to be the social person I’ve always wanted to be. It seems I can never feel fully comfortable around anyone, and even when I do get to talking, bc of my adhd i tend to side track a lot in conversations so I end up rambling a lot and that’s when people start to ignore me and it makes me feel as if what I’m saying isn’t worth listening to so I tend to stay quiet a lot.

I don’t know, this seems more of like a vent if anything. But I put this here anyway because I wanted to see if there was any more chances I could get with changing this.