So I’m 2.5 months into my first ever serious relationship with a man I’m really into and adore a lot . Feelings are mutual , I know how he feels about me .
Only concern at the back of my mind is my fear that I’m being used for a visa. He’s on a student visa currently, comes from a popular European country
I date with the intention to marry and at this stage we’re exclusive and if things work out , we’ll get married .
I’m scared , this guys too good to be true . My feelings are only getting stronger and at this point we’ve been vulnerable with our communication. We’ve actually discussed the whole visa status thing with full transparency. Post our discussion I felt secure and satisfied with his response .
But I’ve had a chat with a trusted friend about my fears and she’s validated my fears by saying I should be careful since I could never really know this persons motives .
At the point I’m planning on continuing things as they are , but just be cautious?
Anything else I should be considering ?
X
15 comments
If it comes to the point that you find out your fear is legit, I’d tell him ok $25,000 to marry me. Your feelings might be hurt, but you’ll be up 25k !
Use him for one too then it’s fair. European visa is pretty good.
Forget about the foreigner thing for a second. Do you see any issues? Does he appear dishonest in any way, pushing for something too seriously too quickly, whatever? If you don’t, keep pursuing him and see what happens.
Everyone may have hidden agendas. Maybe whoever you’re dating is secretly married. An intelligent and charming sociopath who gets off on getting women to fall in love with him to then dump them in the most humiliating way possible. Planning on stealing your money. Making you an unwitting accomplice to a crime. Using you for a Visa. Or anything else.
Be smart about things but at a certain point you have to let your guard down and trust people who you’re getting close to, constantly having walls up and assuming the worst is no way to live your life.
Being “used” for a visa is nothing in comparison to being used for a Visa, …. MasterCard, & your financials.
It is a well-known ploy for men from financially poor countries to marry solely for the woman to work & support him. She eventually gets sick of this 💩 & files for divorce only to learn HE is seeking 100% spousal support as he stayed at home, never had a job, has no means of supporting himself….
If you have a career with a decent paycheck, a home, money in the bank, a respectable credit score: you are a target for men of this ilk.
Don’t believe me? Please consult an attorney where you live.
I mean, you want to be with this guy, right? Wouldn’t his guaranteed legal presence in the same place as you be a good thing?
Whether the requirement is something you want or are ready for is a separate matter, but I don’t see the problem.
If you’re that concerned…. prenup. It’s quite possible he loves you for you and not a Visa but I’d rather protect my assets either way.
I swear by the 90 days rules for everything. Relationships, friendship, work environment etc.. you’ll get your answer in couple of weeks. Men are bad actors. They cannot act out beyond 3 months. It will all be made clear. Try to observe and evaluate. Enjoy dating and evaluate him for who he is .. don’t overthink it.. everything will unfold with time. Just be cautious along the way
I’m going to assume that you are from North America? If he is from a popular European country then he could have similar concerns about you. From a visa (needing a visa to enter countries) perspective an American passport is not the most desirable. It’s up there but not at the top.
You only have a set amount of outcomes and you just have to make a choice.
1. He’s a good guy, it works out. Your happy.
2. He’s a good guy, it doesn’t work out. I would assume sad.
3. He’s a bad guy, only wanted a visa. Your Sad.
4. He’s a bad guy, wanted a visa and to possibly legal entitlement games. Your sad and pissed.
Like someone said if you really are worried get a prenup and you can avoid part of 4. 1&2 is just dating in general. So for me it just comes down to if the happiness you feel now is worth going forward, do it. If you can’t get past the thought of being used, walk away.
Is it a country in the EU? Cause if it is, than it’s probably better where you live 😉 Seriously it’s for a reason you almost never see people from the EU on shows like 90 day fiancé.
>Only concern at the back of my mind is my fear that I’m being used for a visa. He’s on a student visa currently, comes from a popular European country
As an American, I would gladly marry this guy and get a visa/citizenship in whatever “popular European country” he’s from. I highly doubt in these current times, someone from a stable and wealthy European country is dying to get into the United States, and he’d fake marry an American.
It has only been 2.5 months so enjoy the relationship. Is his visa up soon? That would be the main concern because he would not be able to stay here once it is up. He has other options for a visa which he can look into besides marriage.
Get a pre nup
Been through a marriage and divorce from a foreigner. Not telling you to avoid such a relationship but just be aware of what you’re signing on to, especially if you’re the one sponsoring the immigration. If you’re in the US, look up “affidavit of support” and what that could mean if things don’t work out in the marriage…
PSA to everyone suggesting a prenup: visas are not a term that can be conditioned into a prenup. A prenup is for thing like personal assets. The powers of the Department of Customs and Immigration? Not a personal asset.
If you mean a prenup as in agreeing to waive rights to her assets? Yeah, still not a thing for someone immigrating. Federal courts have squarely held that a pre- or post-nuptial agreement cannot waive rights under the Form I-864. Even if a sponsored immigrant has signed a document saying that she forfeits all rights under the I-864, that agreement is meaningless in federal court.
One of the documents both the immigrant and the sponsor spouse must agree to is An Affidavit of Support (also called the Form I-864j which is a document an individual signs to accept financial responsibility for the applicant who is coming to live in the United States. Pre and post nuptial agreements undermine the purpose of the I-864. Or at least they try to. Congress created the Form I-864 so that immigrants would be guaranteed basic financial support of they need it. More specifically, the I-864 ensures that a sponsor rather than American taxpayers provides the immigrant with support. If nuptial agreements could waive support, it basically leads to the following situation: the sponsor promises the U.S. government that it will provide support, then turns around and creates a document with the immigrant that says, “but I’m not actually going to provide the support.” It would be a bit crazy if a federal statute could be undermined in that way.
Furthermore, that courts disregard nuptial agreements is the text of the I-864 itself. The I-864 contract lists five “terminating events” that ends a sponsor’s support obligation. These include the immigrant becoming a citizen or being credited 40 quarters of work. (You could count the sponsor’s death as a sixth terminating event). But those terminating events are the only thing that ends a sponsor’s obligation. Signing a private nuptial agreement isn’t on the list of terminating events, so that simply isn’t a thing that can end a sponsor’s obligation.