tl;dr My husband called a “bit*h” to me. I wanted ask some advice.
I am posting for the first time. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and we normally have arguments but we usually talk it out on the day it happened.
He invited his niece to our place the other day. I get stressed when I feel our place is not ready to invite people, since we got a puppy our place always has a mess.. I had to clean the place because my husband was doing nothing and laying in the bedroom. I asked my husband if his niece needed dinner, he said no. But I needed something to eat so I cooked after work, while they were playing games. I was a little annoyed and feeling very tired, so I left the kitchen after I cooked. I recently got pregnant and feel stressed and tired all day, so I also didn’t wanted to deal with them. He got angry because I wasn’t nice to serve the meal to them. For me, I had too many things to say but he didn’t listen to me. He called me to the bedroom and yelled at me and calling me a “giant bit*h”. I felt I was hurt but didn’t realize how bad it was until I read some other people’s experience and they could consider this as a precursor of abuse. I felt that he is taking advantage of me since I am not a native English speaker. Since all the people I know close by are my husband’s family and his friends, i don’t have a place to quickly escape. So I wanted ask some advice what I should do if anything worse happens. My husband doesn’t seem to be so violent with me usually but I just wanted to know just in case. Any advice helps.
10 comments
It’s obviously not right for him to say that but I feel some more context is necessary in order to actually make any sort of judgement
Being prepared to leave is one of the best things you can do for yourself, no matter what course you take. Start saving an emergency fund that only you have access to. Do you rely on his income? If you’re not employed, can you look for something, even part time, to earn your own money?
You for absolutly no info about why it happened.
Was he right? Of course not. It’s never right to name call. Is he justified? Maybe.
If it gets worse. Leave. How can you live without any savings to go somewhere if needed? No matter how far you have to fly. Its never actually that expensive that you can never afford it.
This one really depends on the context
It is not ok for him to speak to you like that or call you names. Is this a one time thing, or does he often say things like that during arguments? Throw things or block your way if you try to leave? etc
In my family we absolutely using this language. We learned how to not get insulted by this I don’t want to say the curse words we using but from the out side it is look like we hate each other. If he love you and it is bothering you just talk to him about that. Yes every body cures sometimes it is not mean it right a way abusive. The question of the curse is how you say it and the context of it. If he use it repeatedly and to humiliate you. Yes I agree but if he used it by mistake or with humor don’t run to the hills just yet. Like I said before talk to him tell him that it is bothering you and from there you can choose what to do.
If hes name called you once for the entire time you’ve known eachother and you’ve been married for two years, then no, dear. Significantly more evidence is required before you jump to hes becoming an abuser. Like what the actual heck.
Have you talked about it since? Because I think, assuming hes not a psychopath which most people aren’t, you’re liked both frustrated, dont feel good about the situation, and dont want it repeated.
In marriage, we all call each bad things at times, sometimes warranted, sometimes not. Its life, unless its an abusive pattern and he is rude to you like this every day, you are overthinking this in my view.
People say stuff they don’t mean all the time and it may be offensive sometimes. Sure, it should never happen in a relationship, that kind of disrespect opens the door to huge problems in relationships. It seems very simple to work however: be mature, put your disagreements to the side, both understand that you’re not supposed to insult eachother, appologise and agree to not do it again. This is how a functional relationship works, and in my opinion crucial for an ever lasting relationship.
So you’re pregnant, caring for a puppy, doing most if not all of the cleaning, you *asked* if they needed dinner and he said no, and then he calls you names for not doing what he didn’t ask for?
You aren’t the B here, girl. Your husband has a serious sense of entitlement.
>I get stressed when I feel our place is not ready to invite people
If I can offer you one piece of advice for yourself, it would be to let yourself be okay with guests seeing a messy house. ESPECIALLY last minute guests.