I have a “friend” who says she wants to hang out with me(24 M) but then is extremely unresponsive when we try to nail anything down or communicate at all for that matter(hours/days typically go by between responses on social media or via text message). Normally I would assume by their responses (or lack thereof) that the person doesn’t really want anything to do with me, which is fine. If they don’t want to have a friendship with me then I don’t want to have a friendship with them.
What I don’t understand is why someone would say they want to hang out with you and then not actually follow through. If I had initiated the idea and they didn’t respond that would be one thing but *they* were the ones who brought it up.
If you don’t want to talk to the person just say that. Has anybody else experienced this?
2 comments
I’m guilty of this quite often. There are people I do, genuinely, want to hang out with. I might message them or tell them this, sometimes going as far as to even make tentative plans with regards to time/place/activity etc. Nearer the time. I then feel less keen on actually doing it.
It frustrates me and it messes my friends around. I do *want* to see them, so I don’t know it it’s just tiredness, laziness, stress from work or something else.
Im nearly twice your age. This happens throughout life and its happening to me right now, too. There are two approaches, neither one is right or wrong.
The first approach is to communicate, open up, be vulnerable and talk the talk: „hi, i want you to know this has nothing to do with you and im working on it, but because of things in my past i don‘t react well and get insecure with people promising dates/hangouts and not following up with it. In the meantime you would help me greatly if you would either explain your behaviour or follow up on your promises.“ this gives you moral higher ground, allows the other party to open up and explain (maybe they have reasons) and take care of a friend in need. When it works it gives this warm feeling of healing and deeper connection. But youll be vulnerable to them misusing your trust.
The second approach would be: get rid of unreliable people in your life and replace them with reliable ones. Make new friends and new connections through hobbies and interests, every tenth person will be a keeper!