Me (26f) and my bf (35m) have been together a few years now and our sex life has been up and down. After having our daughter we didn’t have sex for long periods of time as he would normally end up on the sofa and me with our kid.
Recently we rekindled our sex life and for a few weeks it was great. He’s always had a thing for anal/anal play however he knows I don’t like it so never really pushed it. The past half a dozen times we’ve had sex he has to be fingering my asshole or trying to do anal. I hate it and I’ve expressed that I don’t like it several times.
It is not enjoyable at all and it honestly hurts so much and a few times I’ve been left bleeding. I dread when we have sex now and don’t enjoy it/end up faking orgasms just to get it over with. I don’t think there’s been a time where he hasn’t tried touching my arse and even when I say it hurts hell stop for a few minutes then carries on. Then afterwards when I say he’s hurt me and I don’t like it he just goes silent or goes in the other room.
I’ve tried to enjoy it and let him do it a few times but I’ve realised I just hate it. It’s at the point now where I just don’t want to have sex with him anymore because I know he’ll do something to my asshole and I’ll end up in pain.
I’ve tried communicating and splitting up isn’t really an option. What shall I do?
TLDR; my bf keeps wanting anal play and won’t stop it even though he knows I hate it
8 comments
He’s consistently violating your consent. Why isn’t splitting up an option?
If you can’t leave him, then I recommend not having sex with him at all. He can’t be trusted to respect your boundaries.
From my experience with these things, options are limited. His interest is not just going to go away.
So ye either need to break up, agree to some kind of open relationship where he can have these experience with others, or you learn to enjoy it.
Regardless, he needs to respect your boundaries. Be sure to have very clear communication.
Good luck.
This looks to me to be couples counseling territory. If you try to bring it up out of the bedroom and his reaction is go to silent or leave the room then he’s not communicating with you in good faith or even creating a safe space to talk about things, and then the repeated behavior basically invalidates your feelings and your boundaries, plus he’s shutting down communication which is unfair to you and leaves you in the dark… Yes his obsession with anal and crossing boundaries is a problem obviously, but that won’t get solved until communication improves. It makes me wonder if something deeper is going on with him. A counselor can really help you navigate this one.
You need to flat out say I’m not into that and you need to stop trying/doing it because it’s painful. If you want mess with his ego (if he’s the type) ask him why he’s more into butts than vaginas?
I mean be honest with him. Tell him you don’t want it
Bottom line it that it’s a turn off. He’d get more sex if he stopped violating your consent.
Maybe he’s secretly gay now!
“splitting up isn’t an option” I mean it is an option. Either sit him down and communicate these issues to him and if he gives you the silent treatment or walks off, you have a toddler for a boyfriend. What’s the point of a relationship if yall can’t have hard talks? And I wouldn’t even consider this a difficult one to talk about. Sex is important. Feeling happy in your sex life is important.