A few weeks ago my Husband(28M) and I(27F) got married. He told me when we got married we could have sex together since he was saving himself for marriage. So the wedding came we did our thing and for a week after that he seemed really depressed and upset with me. Just yesterday I asked him what was wrong and he went off on me. He said he hates me and told me everything thing he hated about me. He said he hated I’m French and wished he married an American, He hates my brown hair, hates that I have blue eyes. I started crying and after that he begged me to forget all of what he said and pretend like he loved me. I don’t know what to do since I still love him and think it might be something he’s going through or he actually does hate me.

TLDR: My husband told me he hated me and went off about everything he hated about me for about 30 minutes but asked me to forget he said that.

35 comments

  1. I’m very sorry this happened. Probably all of us have sometimes said things we later regret, but saying “I hate you” in some detail, and not saying it in the heat of an argument, is not something I could ever forget hearing, nor get over.

    Get the marriage anulled, is my advice.

  2. This is why I could never trust somebody who wants to save themselves for marriage.

    The emotional dynamic changes so much after having sex.

  4. Blatant lack of respect. This guy is an ass. you had brown hair and blue eyes before having sex , eh. he knew what he was doing. Get out OP

  6. Annul while you can, then have him checked for some sort of mental illness

    You can choose to stay together but this should set back your relationship a step, and you can choose to marry again when you’re on the other side of it

  7. Hey, I’d get him off to see a therapist, it sounds like he needs some support.

    In the meantime, I’d go and stay with some friends or family – someone you trust – and think about what you want to do next. I would consider ending the marriage over this.

  8. He can fuck all the way off. He has deceived you and he is not mentally well. Annul this sham of a marriage right away.

  9. You say you don’t know what to do because you still love him: you can love someone, and NOT be in a relationship with them. “But I love him” is not enough to sustain a marriage.

    If he’s just going through something? He can go through it himself. He doesn’t need a target around to verbally abuse.

  10. this would be a huge flag if you had only been married a year, but less than two weeks…He needs a therapist & you need to run away. He knew what you looked like before you got married, like other posters have said your looks did not change overnight….. love him from a distance but you deserve someone who truly loves you and wants the best for you, a life long partner not an emotional abuser.

  12. I have been called names and other nasty things during a fight and decided to stay. The feelings you felt as he told you that never goes away. Anytime you have a disagreement, your mind will go back to this moment. He is a grown man who should have complete control over his emotions. It doesn’t sound like he does. Please consider ending the relationship.

  13. Question: Has he ever expressed any anxiety over his sexuality? I wonder if he’s not fully straight but hoped marriage would ‘fix’ him, but it didn’t and how he’s blaming you even though it has nothing to do with you.

    Just a guess.

  14. Wow. Sounds a lot like at the very least he doesn’t like you at all or care about your feelings at all. You should have the marriage annulled and find someone who will respect you and treat you the way you deserve.

  16. Your husband had an agenda of marrying you. Either financial, something regarding immigration, or he’s gay. Either way I don’t think you should be calling him your husband and be looking for a way to separate. You do not know this man in the slightest.

  17. Annule le mariage et éloigne toi de lui

    Je suis désolé mais il n’y a aucune chance de sauver une relation comme celle là

  18. There is not forgetting such cruelty.

    The sex thing is weird. He could be gay and is conflicted because now he’s married, sex isn’t what he expected and you haven’t solved his gay issue.

    Get out of this asap. You may love him but it won’t be enough to overcome his issues. Telling your wife you hate her and everything about her was not a “oops, I made a mistake. I really love blue eyes”.

  20. He has some big issues and even though he’s your husband, *they’re not your problem*. They’re too big to just forget or have some couples therapy for- he has some serious deep issue that’s *his* responsibility to sort out. Get yourself out, OP. This is the kind of thing one will not be able to get over, just pretend he has- get your marriage annulled.

  22. what the fuck?? who says that? i know you’re hurting right now but this is an insanely huge red flag, at best. please take care of yourself.

  26. Do you enjoy happiness, self esteem, freedom, confidence, and spending time with enjoyable company?

    Good. Annual this marriage because that’s what your giving up to not give up.

  27. Do you enjoy happiness, self esteem, freedom, confidence, and spending time with enjoyable company?

    Good. End this marriage because that’s what your giving up to not give up.

  29. N’essaie pas de réparer ta relation et d’améliorer la situation car tu n’y arriveras pas et il ne le (te) mérite pas. Tu mérites d’être avec un homme qui t’aime et te traite avec respect.

  30. The fact that he went off on you in that way is unjustifiable. However, before I can jump on the “dump his ass” train, can you provide us some more context on your relationship? It’s hard to give insight or advice when there isn’t background information. How long were you dating? What was his reason behind waiting until marriage?

  33. For him to lash out like this unpromtly, so soon after getting married does not bode well. Remember that you are not his therapist and that it is much easier to leave early than later.

  34. He could be gay, he could have religious guilt over having sex, he could be a narcisist, he could have anger problems,…

    My guess is that he had hyped sex up to be more than it is and feel cheated that it did not live up to his expectations. which he then took out on you. That or some mental problems.

    Regardless you should probably get to the bottom of why he acted as he did and act appropriately. The different possible explanations for his actions are not equally problematic and you would need to adjust your response to match the reason. At best (religious guilt) he might be OK with therapy, at worst (narcisim) you would need to annul the marriage and ghost him for your own safety.

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