So many of my (22F) friends and people I know are engaged and getting married soon. Me and my boyfriend (23M) have been dating for more than two years now and marriage is definitely something we both want but we just cannot afford it financially at this stage. We both have decent jobs and have a stable income but marriage is a big step and we don’t want to rush into anything that’s going to jeopardize our relationship later on. But all of our friends are getting married and I know I shouldn’t feel pressured to get married too because I know it isn’t my time yet but I just can’t help feeling as if I’m doing something wrong.
5 comments
I got engaged at 22. We’d been dating since we were 17. We got married 5 years later, so when I was 27. It took that long because we weren’t ready financially. & I was finishing up college & he was in the military for a bit.
Don’t feel pressured. & Remember that engagements aren’t final either (technically neither is marriage). You both could get engaged & take 5 years to get married. Or get engaged & 2 years later realize you both aren’t meant to be & break the engagement. Do whatever is right for the both of you. & Getting engaged doesn’t have to change the dynamic between you two, so it doesn’t have to jeopardize your relationship either.
You’re not doing anything wrong. I know that pressure you feel from seeing everyone around you doing something & you wanna be on the same track as them… but we all move at our own pace. Do what’s right for you & you only, not just follow the crowd.
I’m 30 and really in peak wedding time only now (5 this summer) proably 10% of my friends got married in their early 20s.
I wouldn’t sweat it. Do what’s right for you and your circumstances, not what everyone else is doing.
Let me tell you something quickly, getting married may look like that milestone you would want to achieve as soon as possible and it definitely does come with a few benefits (eg have kids early and then still be young when then leave the nest). However, as I can understand your need to get married soon is mostly about optics and peer pressure, and since you already know the practical reasons for not getting married now, I would just give you a some reasons why getting married now is going to be counterproductive from an optics POV as well –
1) Too many weddings amongst friends in the same time frame will dilute your wedding celebration and the associated excitement.
2) Delayed gratification for any thing is always more fulfilling.
3) Your intrinsic value will be higher in your immediate social circle if every other friend has gotten married and you are a ‘young unmarried couple’
4) When you eventually get married, say in a few years, your wedding celebration will be something sought after by your social circle
Hope this helps 🙂
PS – English is not my first language.
Married in our twenties now where’s the fun in that?
>So many of my (22F) friends and people I know are engaged and getting married soon.
You’ll be a lot happier if you stop trying to “keep up with the Joneses”. Their life is not your life. Their circumstances are not your circumstances. I’m 35 with 7 kids, never married and never will be. I’m not gonna bet some chick half my shit that I’ll still love her in 30 years.