For conventionally attractive people, do you have a hard time finding serious dates/relationships?

41 comments

1. You probably are a good date but just suffer from bad luck lol. Maybe make friends first or find old-fashioned people who like to take it slow.

2. I have the same problem bc I want to take things slow and many people either just want to hook up or include hooking up in taking it slow

3. Attractive ppl will always have more options than those less attractive. One way to filter out your dating partner is literally by having standards.

   If you’re actually looking for something serious, learn to see indicator that this guy is a f boy and this guy isnt.

4. If you’re above average attractive people will assume you’re conceded. Youre also going to attract people because of your looks, and will have to be more concious about filtering people out. What percentage of the dates you go on are people you asked out vs people who asked you out?

5. Then it boils down to your personality. If you’re shy and introverted then it may come across as boring or uninterested. Looks get people in the door but personality makes people stay. Socializing takes practice just like everything else so explore hobbies so you get practice talking to strangers day to day.

6. Yes, I have trouble finding a partner, but from my point of view as a man, I think it’s mainly because I’m shy. I’m 23 and I haven’t had a girlfriend in all my life lmao. It’s no use being handsome, tall and smart if you don’t have initiative to talk to women but I don’t blame them, that’s the way society works. I always hope that one day a woman will try to approach me and take the first step but I think they don’t because I must be intimidating for them. Someday I hope to overcome my fear of rejection (sorry for my English, not my native language).

7. There are a lot of men out there that would gladly have serious dates and relationships, get to know each other on a deep level, exploring life together, but are harding a time finding a good match. This is a universal issue for all. Don’t solo this out just to attractive people.

   Unfortunately, if you are deemed hot/beautiful, you will attract a lot of sexual attention in general. Dating apps are basically tools for hookup these days, so if you want something with a little more depth, you might want to consider a different dating strategy.

   Consider meeting people through some of your hobbies or interests. Learn about others the way you want others to learn about you. Hold off sexual talk if you don’t feel inclined to. Let your dates know that you’re not open to sex until you feel a strong emotional connection.

8. I’m attractive and I’ve never had a problem finding people who want to be in a relationship with me.

9. YES. People don’t believe me because I LoOk LiKe A mOdEl but I very rarely get asked out, if anything it’s guys that are just looking to hook up to have a hot girl under their belt. I’m finally seeing someone after 9 years of being single but i still worry he wants a “trophy wife”.

   Also for context I make six figures and am fully stable mentally and emotionally. I do not rely on my looks.

10. one could be attractive and still be awkward and strange. its not always one thing

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12. I have a hard time finding people that do not want to be in a relationship with me. Every guy friend I get always goes there.

13. Never dated someone who did not want a serious relationship (as far as I know). Mostly they like me more, than I like them though.
    I think you just choose the wrong typ of men if they don’t want a relationship (I usually date introverts though, might be why it is working for me)

14. If you are shy/introverted and attractive, that can be a difficult combination. I think people tend to label you as aloof, arrogant etc assuming it’s because of your appearance when you are really just quiet. People who get to know you personally from work/school/community (which usually takes a while) will realize this is not the case and eventually ask you out. You will be surprised how many have been interested and kind of watching you for a while but held back because they did not know your personality. When they feel more comfortable with you, you will be asked out a lot. So I would suggest getting to know people in real life, dating apps will not work well for you due to assumptions. In public, just try to ignore the awkward stares with no conversation and get on with your day.

15. I know someone who is super attractive & down to earth; extremely perceptive and has a kind heart. However, she has never dated before because people are 1/ afraid to approach her, and 2/ she is horrible at making conversations. She just doesn’t know how to continue conversations and people get the impression that she is uninterested

16. In my experience charm can go farther than looks.

    But I have to agree with the folks who talk about identifying your standards.

17. I would say I fall in that category and I have a hard time trying to get men not to want to fuck me.

18. Without blowing my own horn, I’ve been told I’m gorgeous and attractive (29F) and still I’ve not really had much luck in relationships, guys just want sex from me 🙂

    Could also be that I’m a little socially awkward due to being an only child that was left alone a lot as a kid and have ADHD so I often will come across as weird to people or blurt out the wrong things

19. I don’t struggle at all to get relationships or dates. You seem to have a misunderstanding about sexual attraction and wanting sex in men. We want to get into your pants asap and still might be interested in a relationship and getting to know you. The first thing that draws us to you will always be looks. Sex will always be on our minds and who you are as a person comes through on the way. To think that a man who is interested in a relationship with you will not want to get into your pants from the minute he met you is what i suspect is your problem and is not the truth. If you take sexual interest as a sign of disinterest in your person, you will likely not keep men around for long enough to see their relationship interest.

    > but they either get intimidated

    How do you intimidate men? This is so commonly stated by women and i have never seen it happen to anyone, me (m38) included.

20. I’ve never found it hard to find someone to be with, just hard to find someone to stay

21. Ok i sincerely hope i don’t come across as braggy. But i have noticed i’m quite attractive to a lot of people. I was raised to always seek knowledge. And i kinda want to be valued for that as well. What i noticed started happening was that people value my looks more than my intelectuality or knowledge. And when i start dating someone there is this disconnect cuz they can handle the confronting nature of my spirituality , vulnerablilty, knowledge etc. It has challenged me for quite some time now. And created extreme loneliness. It is why sometimes i stop takjng care of myself (not on purpose) btw i’m a gay man and that withjng itself also brings it own problems. I go to the gym and the gay community can automatically think i’m a vapid muscle dkm top daddy for their porn fantasies.

    I spend a lot of energy being myself and not makkng excuses for it. I’m not saying it is the best strategy but that’s where i am now

22. I have reaped a few benefits of being conventionally attractive even though I don’t consider myself hot, but when I step back and look at the basics of what that means I suppose I am.

    It’s hindered my relationships because when I’ve dated someone I will suddenly hear the “You’re way out of my league” and I quickly learned that insecure men will end up cheating if they think they don’t deserve you. It’s a clusterfuck to navigate. (Lots of other factors lead to cheating too but insecurity is a big one)

    I have a masters degree and I know I am intelligent, emotionally not just academically. That has intimidated a lot of dates and potential dates too. Men seem shocked, realise manipulation tactics won’t work and that I know myself and my boundaries so they dip.

    My looks attract the wrong kind of attention and also have made dating just be a string of men who want sex and can’t really offer much else.

    You have to get pretty okay with men dipping, and not be bothered by the loss of them. The right one who deserves you and will treat you with respect wont make you question if the relationship or dates are going anywhere.

    Get familiar with your own boundaries and standards. Don’t budge on them. It will weed out the shit talkers and half arsed daters very quickly

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24. 22f. I had a lot of trouble finding a relationship. I’m really shy and never approach dudes first really. People sometimes stop me in public (men and women) to tell me I’m pretty, it’s really nice! I eventually met my boyfriend 25m and he was really outgoing, attractive by basically all standards, but still never had a serious relationship. The dating pool does suck sometimes, but I think it depends more on how personalities click along with being attracted to them!

25. I (23 F) definitely can relate and what I can say is that all you can pretty much do is just know your worth and keep your standards. It’s exhausting to have to rake through all the f boys at times but when it does, just take a break from “searching” and remember to keep loving yourself first. This applies to anyone btw!

26. 23M here. I’m tall and handsome. I find it pretty easy to attract women, but I almost never get the girl I actually desire. Which can *really* suck.

27. I’m attractive.
    On my online profile I had a picture of me outdoors, no makeup with my horse. Literally about to ride my horse with a rain jacket on.
    That filters out people looking for girls who look like dolls.
    I’m now in a great relationship with a guy I met online with that as my only picture.

    Btw Where are you meeting people

28. I think you are great ! Perfect for a person who actually looks for a relationship.I think you just need to meet/find the right person. Hang on, be patient and Keep your standards UP !! Hope you find that one soon.

    Ps. My idea of “The One” is sort of hitting broad points in a partner i.e loving, kind, understanding, actually want to be in a relationship. Everything else like being nerdy/weird is just an added bonus.

29. Ya it’s a tough combination to be attractive and introverted. Normal people are too intimidated to approach you. So you end up only knowing the people who are super confident and on the hunt for sex. Those people are generally not real relationship material. I’m currently trying to solve this puzzle myself. I’m forcing myself out of my comfort zone and trying to be more social.
    Best of luck with however you choose to address it 🙂.

30. It definitely plays a role. Before I met the man that I’ve been with for the past 2 years, I was always going in and out of casual at best relationships. I eventually gave up and stopped dating completely.
    Just be patient and don’t settle, you will find someone great.

31. Try looking in the places where you enjoy yourself, out doing your hobbies or in your favored environment, that’s the best odds of finding someone like minded who likely has that interest in common with you and that’s a good a place to start as any.

32. Attractive male here who’s also successful. I rarely often get approached. Often times I feel like I’m weirding people out then I realize afterwards they were hesitant to initiate anything. Occasionally I get free drinks and sweets from baristas etc but I’m clueless to that. So usually I have to do the approach which becomes exhausting

    But In general yes for relationships it’s harder. I do agree.

33. Yes. Most People tend to sexualize attractive people and aren’t really interested in scratching the beyond the surface. It’s like they want bragging rights … or just don’t want to deal with fears in their own minds (getting cheated on). A guy told me once he isn’t sure he wants to date me because he’s worried who might approach me at the gym??? Like I’m just minding my own business, so you think I have time to entertain people like that? The worst part is the prejudice and assumption that attractive people just love the attention. No, we love the attention from the person we love. And we love to love. Yea, human stuff.

34. Most guys don’t have the confidence to ask a girl out, let alone someone they feel out of their league. The preconception is that your beauty is an important aspect of your identity because you care for its upkeep so they’d rather not feel the rejection. Not to mention they think everyone ever is talking to you so they surely have less of a chance. The ones confident enough to go for it do so cuz they’re confident they can get what they want from you

    But honestly, maybe you should start initiating dates or asking guys out? Waiting for someone to come to you definitely isn’t the right move either.

    And to answer your question, I’d guess you’ll receive mixed replies. Having a serious relationship with boundaries is up to you and your firmness. So it’s different for everyone

35. As an attractive person you are going to have to be guarded around potential partners and state from the beginning that you want a serious relationship. Not have sex until a few months in to the relationship I suggest 3 or 4. Ight might be good to do other things some people like to do hand or oral bc sex is very important to some people in relationships. Also make sure there is a personality behind the looks that people will like. Best of luck

36. To the people saying attractive women have more options, most of these options suck. With volume it’s harder to find someone genuine, or the genuine ones are less likely to try approaching. I know lots of average women in happy LTR, my theory is their partner got to know and fell for them for who they are.

    I’ve been seen or used as an object by men who see me as an accessory or a milestone, only to turn nasty on me because trying to take me down a notch gives them the same emotional rush as chasing me did.

    Someone who selects based on looks will always be looking for an upgrade. It’s not a group of people who can be typified, it’s a gamut from people who look great on paper to people who present themselves as non-superficial and “deep thinkers.” Ugly and handsome, rich and broke. A lot of guys who devote a lot of energy to pursuing women, low key hate women.

37. For someone who’s considered conventionally attractive (21F and introverted haha), yes I do and I totally understand what you mean.After some time thinking about this, I have realized that most men aren’t worth it anyway. The reason why I say this is because my standards are high, I have high feminine self-worth, I am quite aware of how good I actually look mind, body and soul so I expect nothing but the best from any guy I interact with or there won’t be any interaction at all.

    Now, if you take all of this into account, I am left with not so many men that I would actually love to be in a long term relationship with. I notice how everytime I go out most men look at me but they rarely approach me unless they are very masculine or plain fools who don’t realize I’m out of their league (I don’t mean this in a bad way but to me a fool is someone who goes after anything they want because they have nothing to lose).

    Another thing i have realized is that attractive people should have higher standards. Now by attractive I mean there is a high value to your worth and in order for you to get the best out of it you have to have high standards so that you don’t end up with people who will want to use and use you without giving you anything of equal or higher value.

38. Everyone just needs to realize life and love is easy for NOBODY. There’s no instruction manual we’re all just doing our best

39. Yep. Everyone’s into hooking up too, and I’m glad that train missed me. I’m also more on the reserved side until I’m a bit more comfortable. I’m with someone now, but we met in person at the gym and we both took our time.

    Online dating is for the birds. The entire thing is so superficial and disingenuous. I know some people have had success, but it’s definitely not the thing for me.

40. Being attractive but shy/introverted is such a cursed combo 😭

41. I had a hard time with this in high school, until I started meeting/getting to know people who shared my special interests and/or were on the same career path as me in uni. People always assumed I was not interested in them or intimidating (which I have specifically been told by people I went to high school with), and the fact that I was “picky” to begin with didn’t help. However, I always found that the people I most wanted to ask me out were the ones MOST intimidated because they didn’t necessarily consider themselves conventionally attractive, and the guys who DID have the confidence to ask me out were the good-looking douchebags I had no interest in. Thankfully I got over myself a bit and am ok initiating things with guys I like now, but find that even though I’ve only ever been in a few long-term, committed relationships, I am extremely sexualized by the men around me, which is not exactly encouragement to go out with them. I mean, admittedly, I’m a very sexual person within my relationships, but it’s like people put you on this pedestal and just sort of look at you like this out-of-reach object. That being the case, most of the guys I’ve gone out with have gotten to know me as a friend first.