My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We love each other, we live together and I can say that I 100% trust him.
I met this girl 2 or 3 months ago at the gym. We immediately became friends. I’m north African and I live in Moscow, I don’t have that many friends so I was really happy to meet an African girl who speaks English.
I invited her home many times and the 3 of us had a great time.
She’s bi and is really open about it. I kind of felt that she was attracted to me. Even my boyfriend told me that. I honestly don’t bother as long as she doesn’t try anything, and she never did.
Lately, I came back to my home country for the first time since the corona situation started. 3 months away from my boyfriend. We talked about it and we were ready for the distance. I never had someone like him, we have a relationship based on trust and communication.
Yesterday, my boyfriend texted me to let me know that she invited him out, and if I was ok with that. I was honestly surprised, as she didn’t tell me. Before leaving, I told her to reach out to him if she needed anything, and honestly I wouldn’t mind if they see each other as friends… But not without me knowing.
Am I just crazy? I can be jealous of course but I’m aware of it and try to control it. I just don’t find it correct at all not telling me. For me, this kind of behavior is weird and suspicious. My boyfriend agrees too.
She never showed interest in him before, but she told me that she cheated on her past relationships. I don’t judge her at all, but when I add this to that, it doesn’t push me to trust.
Later in the day she asked my boyfriend out, she texted me. Just said hi and asked me how I was. I was hoping she’ll end up telling me , but I honestly felt like she wanted just to know if I know. The next day, I texted her to give her another chance, but nothing. She even avoided unswerving some of my questions (asked she was she was doing interesting these days).
I asked my boyfriend to go out with her, and not say that I know. I was stressed and sad all day. When he came back home, he told me that everything’s ok, she didn’t try or say anything weird, everything was normal, but I’m still worried. I know her a little bit and she won’t try anything if she’s not sure if it will work. We will speak about it further with my boyfriend tomorrow.
Am I stupid to worry about it? Do you think it’s normal that your friend asks your boyfriend out without telling you ?
11 comments
Kind of crappy of her. At least it seems like you can trust your bf.
Eh sounds basically innocent to me
> Before leaving, I told her to reach out to him if she needed anything, and honestly I wouldn’t mind if they see each other as friends… **But not without me knowing.**
Did you tell her the part in bold? If you explicitly told her that you wanted to know if she reached out to him to hang out, then she’s definitely in the wrong. If you just told her the first part, then it sounds like she’s just taking you up on your offer. She may also not have many friends as a fellow transplant to Moscow. If you mostly get together as a trio she will have developed her own friendship with your boyfriend. This would be inappropriate if she only ever really hung out with you, but it really does sound like she’s just inviting him out as a friend, especially as she didn’t do or say anything untoward when they got together.
It’s a little odd she wouldn’t mention it to you, but maybe she assumed you’d be getting that info from your boyfriend anyway. I wouldn’t worry about it unless she starts hitting him up more frequently or says something inappropriate to him.
Honestly strange that she doesn’t mention it to you. This is your friend, not your boyfriend’s friend. If anything she should have told and you and kept you in the loop.
Nice of your boyfriend to keep you updated and going out with her again to test the waters and see if she lies again.
But don’t do it again, it’s not worth it. Why try and investigate what her intentions are when clearly: you are uncomfortable with it. To you it’s not okay. The fact that she invited your boyfriend out twice and didn’t think to mention it once to you is weird and it made you uncomfortable.
That’s enough reason to feel the way you do.
If I were you I’d just stop being friends with her.
if I’m hanging out with a guy friend I certainly don’t text his girlfriend letting her know. it’s normal to hang out with your friends without getting “permission”. this is innocent. they’re friends. you’re away, and she’s still keeping in touch. your boyfriend kept you updated. Id just write this off as jealousy
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Honestly if it gives you a weird gut feeling that something is going on with her then you should distance yourself from her and tell your boyfriend your not comfortable with doing that again.
I didn’t even finish reading your whole post bc I don’t need to. Your man should not be hanging out with ANY woman one on one outside of your relationship, period. Idc if it’s your friend, colleague, neighbor, etc. it’s inappropriate. I would also be extremely weary of this new “friend.”
ALSO Idc this is my honest opinion. I was in a relationship where my bf hung out and cheated with friends. We all go through different experiences and that is what my advice is based off of. This OP is not wrong to question the motives. It’s also a respect thing. I would never hang out with another male one on one without my partner present.
I do think it’s weird. I would ask her if she had a good time hanging out with your BF so she knows he told you, and I would ask her why she didn’t mention it to you before. Not in a snarky tone, just like normal conversation. She may be testing the waters, it may be innocent.
Your bf is free to hang out with whomever but you don’t have to set him up for the slaughter. She’s up to something, that’s why she waiting until you were back home. Trust your man, sure. Trust her? NEVER.
I’m not gonna lie, MASSIVE red flag that she’s cheated in past relationships, in my honest opinion you should cut ties immediately and push your boyfriend to do so too.