I feel very lucky to have my partner and just wanted to share in case it can help anyone who is like me. I am F40 and my whole sexual life has been about pleasuring the other person. I never had the same consideration shown towards me… Until my current partner.
I met him when I was 36. I had never orgasmed during partnered sex. My partners had always rushed through foreplay (except maybe a BJ for them) then straight to PIV. Once they finished it was over. I was left feeling used, sad and frustrated.
My current partner felt bad when I was unable to finish this way. PIV really doesn’t do much for me at all. I also had a big mental block and it was really difficult for me to orgasm in front of him as its something I’d never done in front of anyone…
We incorporated a vibrator for me. A small, rechargeable clitoral toy. We also reduced the frequency of PIV and instead, we usually stick to hand and mouth stuff. We have also experimented with mutual masturbation.
… Because of this, I now orgasm every single time we are intimate. He knows exactly how I like to be touched… Last night, we did our usual stuff and it honestly felt like he was reading my mind. He was touching me exactly like I would touch myself. Because of this, I almost came without my vibrator for the first time… The only thing stopping me was because I wanted to wait for him as I like us to get off together and I couldn’t touch him effectively due to the way we were laid.
We changed positions and got comfortable. I used my vibrator and we played with each other. We’ve become so in tune now that with a combination of edging him slightly and him stimulating me in a certain way, we can cum at the same time. Sex with him always leaves me feeling connected, in tune and it’s the most intense sex I have ever had.
I lit up a cigarette after and I laid with my head on his chest and I actually felt like I wanted to cry. I was just so overwhelmed with love and felt so grateful that we have worked past my issues with anorgasmia and sexual anxiety and I now feel almost totally relaxed and comfortable being vulnerable in front of him.
This is amazing for me as I never thought I would get here. It has always been a massive source of anxiety in my life. I would recommend trying this to anyone who is having issues with opening up and struggling to orgasm in front of their partner.
I hope this can be of help to someone ❤️
38 comments
I totally get that. I’d say when we’re having sex maybe only 20% of my gf’s orgasms are from PIV, most are from hand and mouth stuff. If you’re just sticking to actual PIV to get the job done you’re severely limiting yourself.
Wow congratulations that’s super amazing
Lucky you! 😍
This was the post that gave me hope. It’s almost like my future self wrote this exactly for me to read at this very moment.
Fuck like a lesbian until she begs you to fuck her like a man is what I always say.
Your dude gets that.
(Though, yes, some lesbians do use dildos and stepsons, but even then their foreplay and oral/digital stimulation focus is still far, far more extensive than most hetero trysts)
*strap-ons — but upon OP’s request, the typo stays
Are you talking about particle image velocimetry?
Beautiful!
You had me up until this part
> I lit up a cigarette after and I laid with my head…
Good luck with your cancer. 🤮
THANK YOU!
I’ve been recommending non-PIV sex for years. Hands and mouths and toys can be much more intimate because you and your partner are communicating. I gives everyone involved a chance to play with and tease and tickle and pleasure their partner.
AND sex lasts longer, there is less pressure to perform. Erections can pop up and then go and then come back and it’s all good.
AND it’s more fun!
PIV is more visceral and lusty but sex shouldn’t always be just lusty. Sex should also be affectionate play.
Nice. My wife was in the same boat before we got together. All sex was just rough fucking till dude got off then sleepy time. Now, to their credit, my wife said she always enjoyed sex, just never came. I could never understand that. Obviously the only intent of sex isn’t just orgasms, if they’re never a part for someone involved? Jeez.
Fwiw it took her a little while to get comfortable too. But once she did? Lookout. After years of communication & experimentation (still ongoing), she has crazy/multiple orgasms, squirts, full body shakes etc. So keep growing in that relationship b/c you’re probably just touching the surface of a great new world.
It genuinely makes me sad at how common a woman’s experience is that the man uses them for himself with no true reciprocation.. the way I take care of my partner(s) I *wish* I could show to everyone who misses out on it because they deserve it too.
I’m a giver more than a taker. But I also love sex so I’m down to keep going a long time even if most of that is me taking care of my partner.
Even if it’s just fucking, simply caring for your partners pleasure is not difficult at all
This is what my boyfriend and I do. We enjoy it much more than PIV. We haven’t done full on PIV in about a year and I wouldn’t go back, every session is so intense and intimate. We were just talking about it yesterday how it’s still all sex even if there isn’t piv.
I honestly think this isn’t about the PIV but about how to get to know what your partner is lacking and providing it.
There is ALWAYS a “tradeoff” when it comes to the natural realm.
In this instance it tends to be this, (with few exceptions).
Men can cum much more easily than a woman. But when a man is done, he’s done, for a little while, (depending on the guy and his age usually).
Women on the other hand tend to be like an oven, you got to preheat them inorder to get the desired effect for them, which is also to orgasm. HOWEVER……Unlike most men, a women can have multiple consecutive orgasms within the same session (lucky for them).
This is of course by design. Men, from a primitive instinctive standpoint just want to spread their genes around to as many desired partners as they can. Whereas women tend to want to settle down with a man that would appear to have good genes and can show themselves as a protector and provider for their offspring.
That’s why in some cultures polygamy is still legal and it’s pretty one-sided.
DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying I agree with the moral principles that are seemingly at odds with these instinctive, albeit natural tendencies (from a western culture perspective). But what I am saying is that their is a biological and physiological explanation for these sexual differences between the sexes. I AM FULLY AWARE THAT IN 99% of generalities you tend to have some anecdotal evidence to the contrary (aka exceptions). But I’m just giving some general perspective to why humans tend to be like they are when it comes to sex. Nothing more, nothing less.
Just wait till you discover the joys of PIV AND vibrator at the same time.
Oh wow I feel this. I had a string of partners that it was pretty much just unsatisfying PIV.
Then I had a partner who entirely changed the way I viewed sex. And now I refuse to have crap PIV only sex.
Out of curiosity I’m wondering if you guys have experimented with the vibrator and PIV at all?
My ex partner also had a lot of difficulty orgasming from PIV alone but did still enjoy the sensation. With a combination of a small bullet vibe and coital alignment and a pillow we were able to get to a point where she could orgasm often multiple times during PIV.
May be worth exploring if you are interested,and either way congrats on finding a great partner and techniques that work for you 🙂
Wife is sitting here next to me and we read that together – **We both agree!!!**
For us, our most powerful orgasms don’t come from PIV. In fact, we really only finish PIV for quickies or if we are both in that mood. Obviously it takes her a bit longer to get going than me but I love eating her out to orgasm as foreplay and letting her recover for round 2. After that, we can do PIV, anal, oral in mez whatever.
We should stop calling everything other than penetration for “foreplay”, as it heavily implies that anything other than PiV/A is just a warmup to the real deal. We should also stop pretending that it isn’t “sex” unless there is penetration involved. It’s so common to read comments like “We have had oral a few times, but not sex”. Language matters, and implying that other forms of sexual stimulation isn’t real sex, is doing us a disservice. Specially young girls who might not even have satisfying experiences when they expect sex to equal penetration.
My wife comes quite easily from penetration, but it’s really a coin toss if we end up doing it or not now. It used to be almost every time. Now we spend so much time on everything else, and get really into what we’re doing. It can be just as good and hot to touch and tease each other and finally cum in other ways.
I would certainly miss penetration if we never did it, but I really don’t care if it’s 1/3 of the times we have sex or 2/3.
It’s funny to see somebody write about lighting up a cigarette after sex. That stereotype was so common when I was young and now it’s almost gone.
Personally I prefer to crack open a cold diet coke.
Bloody lovely that is
I agree with this 1000%. My boyfriend has a beautiful, girthy cock, but what really gets me going is his hands. I have never in my life experienced as many orgasms as I have with him. I associate his hands with our sex life so much that sometimes watching him game (PC) makes me REALLY wet. The precision/dexterity/accuracy. Just unfff.
God, I feel you there, I *vastly* prefer non-penetrative sex! Sex that’s literally all foreplay is **100%** up my alley. Outercourse (Intercrural/Oral/Titfucking and the like) is much more intense I find, because you really learn each others’ specific preferences! It also tends to be kinkier, so it doesn’t get boring if you and your partner are having a particularly sexual week!
Reading your post, i realised the sex was never for me. Hopefully one day ill be as happy as you are.
I mean, I really enjoy the closeness/intimacy of PIV too, even if I rarely come from it. I don’t think it’s a smart idea to just completely go without PIV FOREVER 😅.. I think your man might miss it lol. I would say men really enjoy it for their pleasure, esp since oral might not be enough for a lot of men to cum.
Anf prob an unpopular opinion among the women here, but for me it’s probably my favorite thing about sex, even though I orgasm more from oral.
Honestly, and no offense, but this strikes me as super lame. As a man I have to be properly exercised to get sexual fulfillment. Orgasms 2 3 and then some alone don’t do it for me by themselves. I need them to be accompanied by rigorous exertion. PIV is easily accomplishes this. Sure, mutually chasing orgasms through non-penetrative means is fundamentally important, and should be a daily practice as a means of bonding and expressing affection. But to make that your primary sexual focus? Seems unnatural to me. I don’t see how you distinguish this from an intimate, mutual massage lol. What lights the fire there? Sure, knowing all your partners buttons is cool, but just constantly pressing them? Ehhhhhhhh. Wheres the passion, where’s the inspiration you get from trying to keep up with each other? How do you know your partners truly pushing themselves to give you everything they are capable of physically? How do you know they need you? I mean whipping out the vibe n tongue primarily, seems kinda lazy. Different strokes for different folks I guess! Whatever makes you happy, makes you happy
If you don’t mind sharing, what helped you get past the mental block?
Amazing!
I love this, thanks for sharing. I just ended a bad relationship and it’s good to read any signs that good loving people are out there. So I just wanted to thank you for taking time out of your day to share your experience with us<3
If I could have sex with a guy and not have to do much piv, that would be my ideal scenario. That’s why I mainly fuck women. Mutual masturbation is also fun, especially at the beginning of having sex so you can figure out what each other likes.
I get UTIs pretty much every time I have PIV sex and was worried about not having “complete” or satisfying sex because of my hesitancy around having it. It’s really great to see someone like you who’s having an amazing sex life that doesn’t revolve around it, gives me hope!
Interesting. I too am having the best sex of my life with reduced PIV
It’s honestly kinda suprising to me from reading this forum over time that most straight couples seem to just do PIV. My husband and I have been all about the touching and making out and oral since the beginning, it’s like 90% of our sex life and has always been great
God this feels like me. Just guys who wanna shove it in. Eat my ass for 30 seconds. Finger me for 1 minute. Talk up some big game.
It’s the motherfucking worst n
Ooh I never heard it put that way. I was thinking numbers or porn. Two WAY different things I know.lol
I can relate. Been used by partners that only wanted PIV and rushed through foreplay.
I’m not aroused through PIV at all.
OP’s post is right on the mark to make sexual experience more equitable especially after 30 or older. But I think the younger couples focus more on PIV and penis central sex plays. I speculate it is due to inexperience/ lack of comprehensive sex education on female pleasure or both sides fear being labeled as ” weird” or not normal. My female friend who played with many casual sex partners told me once that young men tend to be too penis oriented or all about his penis only. She also described so many men are rough and do not know how to control pressure. I bet many women experienced this and move on quicly to coitus to avoid annoying rough touches or even being hurt.
Our culture really do not give opportunity to young men to learn how to touch others gently… or give pleasing touches. touching girls is kind of taboo in most occasions and gently touching male friends will be categorized according to widespread homophobia. Women probably has more experienece because women touching others to give emotional support is more accepted and they have been touching friends through grooming activities like helping dressing or with hair etc. I wonder if there is a way for young people to be motivated to try what OP described.
>We incorporated a vibrator for me. A small, rechargeable clitoral toy. We also reduced the frequency of PIV and instead, we usually stick to hand and mouth stuff. We have also experimented with mutual masturbation.
This is like 75% of our sex life too and I absolutely love it. A while ago my husband used a rabbit vibrator on me while he went down on me and it was amazing. Like knock your socks off amazing.