I had a first date with a guy on Saturday. Today is Monday, and I haven’t heard from him since. We met on Bumble and hadn’t exchanged phone numbers yet before the first date. At the end of the first date, he said that he would message me his phone number on the app. He has not done that yet. No messages from him since the date.
We didn’t message everyday leading up to the first date, but he did initiate most of the messaging and was enthusiastic in holding the conversation when we messaged. He did mention during a messaging convo that he preferred talking in person.
Our first date was only 1.5 hours. I chose the day, and he suggested late in the afternoon. So I picked 4 pm, and he said that it works for him. He then mentioned during the date that he had a dinner planned with his friends at 7 pm, and he said around 5:30 pm he had to bike back to his place.
He is Italian, recently moved to the US. He got out of a 3 month relationship a few weeks ago (less than 1 month ago). He said he was in love with her, they were bf/gf, and she broke up with the him over text. He said that he is no longer in love with her and ready to move on. He also reassured me that he is looking for a serious relationship, not just a comfort/rebound relationship.
Should I send him a message on the app asking how his day is going?
Edit: I am thinking of maybe messaging him because I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested. I’m not sure if I expressed my interest well at the end of the date. He had asked me if I wanted his number (or maybe it was to wanted to exchange numbers), I said sure, and he said that he will message me his number in the app. I am also thinking of maybe not messaging him because I want to know that he is interested and not just going along and not interested in a potentially serious relationship.
Edit 2: I saw just now that he has uploaded a new photo in his profile, taken during the dinner with his friends on Saturday.
31 comments
No. Move on. It sucks I know.
You can reach out to him. I think people read into this a lot, he might just be absorbing everything that went on and thinking about things.
One of the best first dates I ever had, I didn’t reach out for like 5 days.
You reaching out to him basically signals that you’re open to seeing him again. Can always just play something like, “Hey I just wanted to say thanks so much for the great time on Saturday! I’d definitely like to do something like that again”
Boom. You hit the ball over the net, and he pretty much knows exactly where you stand.
All the other stuff about his ex aside – short first date plus lack of follow up contact? I’d move on to the next match!
He’s not looking for anything serious.
This might be unpopular opinion but in these situations I find it’s just to just message then I’d it’s driving you to think about it this much. It’s kind of like saying “well, I’m going to text him at some point may as well do it now”. If a day or two is going to be a deal breaker for someone it’s not worth your time and energy to convince him otherwise
Doesn’t look good. He either wasn’t that interested, he’s playing games or he got hit by a bus. None of those options are great.
What’s stopping you from reaching out? Seems like he initiated a decent amount so far. I would check if you have any preconceived biases about gender norms here that may be limiting your dating experience. If you like him, let him know that. Worst thing that happens is he ignores you, which ultimately is going to happen whether you muster up a message or not, so there’s really only an upside to be gained by reaching out in this case right?
You can reach out, but sounds like he isn’t that interested.
The worst thing that happens is you find out he’s not interested. But if he’s not then he’s not. Messaging him won’t change anything
Culturally, Italian guys are pretty forward. (Yes it’s 2022 and yes it’s a generalization and yes i’m sure some italians are shy). I’d give it a day or two and then if you still don’t hear something just say “Hi – Hope your week is going well. I had a nice time Saturday!” and ball is in his court.
If you want to speak to him then reach out. We’re over 30, guys, let’s leave the kiddie games behind. Sending someone a message isn’t an intention of commitment, it can be as simple as saying “hey, how’s your day going?”
If they are interested they’ll reply back, hopefully you have a conversation and find your connection grows. If not, yes it sucks but it’s better to not waste time. Just be open and honest
If you like him, step up.
Feel free to send a message, we’re not kids so don’t play games, but 90% sure the dinner with friends that he didnt mention earlier was a white lie to save face. So dont hold your breath.
He’s not interested. Italian men are passionate and if they’re interested, you know. Changing his profile pic too? Forget it. 🙁
Was going to comment about messaging him, after reading all but your last edit.
Sadly, based on your last edit, I think the inference is obvious. Chalk this one up to experience and move on.
I’m not trying to be rude here, but why is this a question? You would like to talk to him more, so message him. Its been one date, maybe he isn’t sure how it went from your end. Maybe he is on the fence, and you messaging could make him want to go out with you.
That said, you seem to be looking for issues already. It was “only 1.5 hours”. That seems like a pretty good amount of time for a first date.
Also, why do you care that he uploaded a new picture. Again, its literally been one date.
Nope, he should send it or he doesn’t care too much.
It doesn’t hurt to message him and see what he’s up to or if he’s interested in seeing each other. Personally I think it’s a common courtesy to message after a date if he’s interested. 🤷♂️
>He is Italian, recently moved to the US. He got out of a 3 month relationship a few weeks ago (less than 1 month ago). He said he was in love with her, they were bf/gf, and she broke up with the him over text. He said that he is no longer in love with her and ready to move on. He also reassured me that he is looking for a serious relationship, not just a comfort/rebound relationship.
Kinda tells you all you need to know.
>I saw just now that he has uploaded a new photo in his profile, taken during the dinner with his friends on Saturday.
Again kinda tells you all you need to know.
You either message him your number and see if he is interested or unmatch and move on.
I would just copy my reply for other post.
just text him directly like “I had a good time with you and I hope to see you again” and see if he relies. Wait a few days. If he doesn’t reply, then he is probably not that interested.
If you still want to give it a try, and have ideas/ time for second date, just text him “are you interested in meeting up for this event (or restaurant) on that day/ time” if he doesn’t reply, it is very clear that he is not interested.
It might not easy to send the message but that’s the most simple and straightforward way to find out the answer.
He’s just not that into you. Don’t message him. Move on.
Leave it. Dinner plans is the classic “I need to meet in a timely manner with someone but don’t want to spend a long time” line. But since he uploaded a pic from the actual dinner, that should be your answer! I would move on honey, no time to dwell!!
Please don’t message him
I have this rule :
We’re adults, no more shenanigans, if I feel like I want to see this person again, I send her a text to tell her.
You can reach out and he may still be interested. Just because the first date didn’t take off for him doesn’t mean that he’s not interested in you at all, that’s like saying love at first sight happens for everyone.
You won’t lose anything by reaching out again.
I think the reason he didn’t tell you about the dinner before the date is he wanted to see if he would hit it off with you and if so he would invite you to go with him. That didn’t happen so he left after 1.5 hours and hasn’t contacted you since, and he updated his profile. He’s not interested it sounds like.
He mentioned he had a dinner during the date and not before? If a guy does that he is graciously looking for an exit without hurting your feelings or being honest…. I’m pretty sure he just isn’t interested. Sadly OLD is a numbers game without the old fashioned pre-date opportunity to find more of an attraction. And, as we all know, chemistry is a big part of it. For him it looks like there wasn’t any.
If you message him, keep it short and to the point. “Had fun on Saturday! Interested in going out again?” All the other crap just extends out of the final answer.
yes woman, yes. It makes us so happy if the woman we’re seeing clearly shows that she is interested too. Even if it’s a tiny thing like receiving the first message from her. You don’t need to drool over him. Just be clear and direct with the communication. Most of us fucking hate those “Be mysterious” shit. Tell him you had one and would love to do it again( only if you are interested in him too) see his response.
Yes. Message him
I’d say no. Why? Because, if he was truly interested, he would keep his word. Any guy who had ever taken me seriously, would never say, “Hey, I’m going to text/call you” and then just not, for days. Usually, I’m all for texting them to see what’s up, but since he’s uploaded a new picture on his dating profile and hasn’t texted you, I’d let it go.
Also, just wondering, you know he basically just got out a relationship, why would you want to jump into that situation? You don’t fall out of love in a few weeks when someone breaks up with you. It’s doubtful he’s ready to actually date, seriously, anyway.