GF(F28) and I(M32) broke up in January, we started seeing each other again, and she propositioned a day to get back together, so she could figure herself out

Well, I still love her very much, and she feels the same about me.

I dated a girl a while, she dated a few guys while we broke off.

I have so much anxiety about meeting new people, and I don’t think I really connect sexually with someone like a one nightstand. I need something else to tick me off.

Anyways, when we started hooking up again, I lost interest in searching for other girls.

But she wants to keep seeing other people, so I decided to get back in the game too (just got 2 dates yesterday, on tinder).

We got to talk, and she never really wanted kids, but she says she loves me, and want someday look at me and think its gonna be all right if we had kids one day.

That surprised me, it was one of the reasons I got the blues sometimes, because I really wanted that.

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So, she propositioned that we keep seeing other people, and each other, until september.

September, there will be a music festival out of town, and she is going with a friend.

Orgies, and what not are not off the table (her friend had mentioned something like that). She didn’t say she explicitly wanted to participate in that, just that she is going where life takes her (meh).

Also, she cheated on my with this girl friend a while ago (it wasn’t full on sex, a kiss and some masturbation).

She also says that after the motorcycle accident she had, which broke her leg, made she wanna enjoy life, like midlife crisis.

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Anyways

I don’t think I could look her in the eyes if she does go through that. I dont think I could see her as the mother of my children, or look at her the same way anymore.

I have no problem with her seeing other ppl, or even participating in an orgy, if it was something both of us would be doing together, which we have discussed in the past.

But, I also don’t know if I wanna try and negotiate this and keep her from doing it.

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I am just tired, depressed, anxious, my work is driving me crazy and I cant stand being on a home office no more.

I love her, and I don’t wanna loose her.

I dont know what to, and how to proceed.

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So yeah, I am just sad, living alone, and while I do wanna see other girls, it’s just… So much anxiety, I’ve never been with a lot of women before… But it does makes me feel better sometimes, and learn not to depend completely on only one person anymore.

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tl;dr; she told me she wanted to have kids with me some day, which was a surprise, and she also propositioned a date to get back together, but she might participate on an orgy, and I dont know if ever could handle it, I also don’t know if I want to try and keep her from doing this.

I have the feeling that if I have to ask/negotiate with her not to do this, then maybe she is not worth it. Is this an ok feeling?