I wanted to highlight a trend that I observed in this sub. Namely, the “break up with \[partner\]” card being overused. In most cases, I see it as a visceral reaction of the op to what they read, rather than genuine advice. Yes, in some cases it is seems to be a sensible thing to say, but in most cases it really doesn’t help!
A relationship is a complex thing, it is made of two human beings who are constantly changing, adapting, improving (or not) and the relationship, as a consequence, has the same properties. All people have their dark side, and you as a reader only get to know what the op revealed to you about their story. It might be that the person who is doing \*x\* bad thing is unaware of it, maybe they are learning how to make the relationship work, maybe they are coming with a certain amount of baggage from previous relationships, etc. I think the best approach to take if you want to offer genuine advice is to think a bit beyond the text that op wrote and make as few assumptions about the person they are writing about as possible. Indeed, there’s some obvious cases where what op is saying is simply horrible and the “break up” card is appropriate. But again, from what I’ve seen, in most cases the people are just reacting emotionally to the little information that was given to them, rather than thinking about the bigger, more complex picture.
That’s all, I hope I didn’t offend anyone. Thoughts? 🙂
12 comments
Totally agree! Cancel culture has arrived here too, it seems, and it should be revised.
I don’t necessarily agree with your conclusion but I do agree with your statement about how to little information is being received and a judgment call is being made.
That said there is also over the past five or so years been a push for people to read into what other people are saying. The use of “code words“ being an indicator that someone may be suffering abuse or something and people read into what little is being said on a post like here on Reddit.
It’s so considering that kind of thing it really doesn’t strike me as unreasonable for people, who themselves wished someone has seen through their coded speech and just told them to leave. Because often times that all that they need to hear.
So for a place like Reddit I think all of it is worth while. You just have to pick through all of it and decide what advice works for you.
Break up with him. His inability to understand the complexity of relationships and his overzealous tendency to force an ultimatum is a big turn off. You would be better off enjoying the sub with someone who actually offers advice and understands your concerns
Well said. And its not just in this community either. Its just a Reddit thing. Relationships have ups and downs and its amazing how quick users are to say “break up immediately!!!” even when the situation called for more communication. If the relationship is not going absolutely perfectly, if someone so much as even forgot to take the trash out, then apparently there is no saving the relationship. Break up, take the kids, hit the gym, lawyer up, call the cops!
Fairly popular opinion actually thats posted frequently.
>if you want to offer genuine advice
I think this its worth noting that some people really aren’t seeking to give genuine advice.
And to some this is the genuine advice even if it doesn’t seem reasonable. That’s kind of what a poster has to sort through when asking advice from strangers.
It will never change.
You understand these stories are about people breaking trust. Trust is hard to build back and will never get all the way back. If in there stories they say they could never trust again, all there telling them is what they want to here
Relationships can be complex. OP’s description of what is going on usually is incomplete and does not fully convey the full picture and history of their situation.
They get comments, advice, observations based on this incomplete description. Whether you or more importantly, the OP see this as appropriate, that is up to them to decide that.
Reddit is not in person professional counseling. Take what is posted (by OP or the responders) with a grain of salt. Even if OP gets the glib “break up” advice and hearing that may cause the OP to be re-examining the relationship under a new lens.
>a trend that I observed in this sub
in this sub? welcome to reddit, you sweet summer child
> He won’t bath in my period blood like it’s the fountain of youth and worship at the alter of menstruating pussy
*That’s a deal breaker for me. I’d dump any guy that didn’t do that.*
> My GF refuses to trim or shave and that’s a deal breaker for me
*You immature little boy. You should break up with her so she can find someone better*
/r/sex in a nutshell.
It’s been going on for years
TL;DR you should probably break up with your partner.
Oh yeah. And of course the old classic:
“I know I need to talk with my partner but I’m scared and hoping first to get some insight from you all based on your experience.”
“You should really talk to your partner about this.”