My husband has rape fantasies and I sometimes feel uncomfortable. I’m glad he trusts me enough to tell me what he likes. However, I find it uncomfortable when he likes to do it while I’m sleeping and used terms like “little girl” when addressing me. Am I being judgmental? I’m ok with playing out fantasies but just imagining that you’re raping a “little girl” is a red flag in my opinion.
I also find it weird that he calls my sister, who is 16, beautiful all the time. He acts like her brother and explains to her that she’s beautiful and needs to watch out for other men. My gut is telling me to watch out but I wanted to see your opinion since I can’t talk about it with my family or him.
Also, a family member have caught him looking at another sister’s behind. I have also caught him ones looking at one of my sisters and also other women in the past. When confronted, he always has an excuse and makes me feel bad.
P.S. He has been SA as a kid in the past and never went to therapy for it. I’ve been encouraging to go to therapy but we can’t afford it now.
12 comments
Sometimes our traumas becomes kinks and pleasures. Its the way our minds try to deal with what happened. The fact that he trusts u enough to tell u is big…very big. Most people live in shame because of it. Therapy is something he should try just because it’s good to be able to work through our traumas but it might not take the kink away. Be open with him about how u feel but also don’t make him feel bad about it.
Im sorry but holy shit!? This is a huge red flag imo. If he calls you “little girl” and wants to like…rape you id be very wary about what he does around your little sister. Its terrible what happened to him in the past but like he’s gotta figure out a way to heal from that without being creepy.
Disclaimer of not kink shaming, lots of people are into DD/LG and/or rape play and aren’t hurting anyone.
BUT… You are not obligated to participate in this with him. You are very much allowed to say, “This does not turn me on. This makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to do it.”
The comments on your sister and the fact that he is staring long enough or frequently enough for other people to notice and tell you…is a red flag in my opinion. Always listen to your gut.
The kink could just be a kink but the other behaviour is concerning. I’d be very cautious if you choose to stay with him
I will never kink shame, and it could just be a kink.
I told myself this for years with me ex husband. He had daddy fantasies that I played into and liked to hear stories about rape and violation. We had a lot of trouble in the bedroom so when we found something that worked, I was glad to play along.
I also had insecurities about his relationship to my younger sister. As it turns out, she has recently confessed that he had raped her by the time she was 14.
Not at all saying that’s what’s going on, but I have learned that the line between kink and pathology can be thin. I wish I had seen things as they were, but I was so afraid of kink shaming that I told myself it was normal. I have to live with that and it kills me.
Again, not saying it is the same situation, at all. But I have learned to listen to my gut more than ever. Do not do anything that you are not comfortable with and just be open and honest.
Red flag. Follow your gut please. Stay awake. It’s one thing to have rape kinks and another to b about “lil girl” don’t listen to the ones who say just because he mentions lil girl doesn’t mean he’s going to act on it. First of all he shouldn’t be fantasizing about li girls. In my opinion and in my eyes is wrong. No adult men should think that way of girls. Specially if he is normal. Don’t fall sleep is what I can say. Good luck..
ALWAYS trust your gut. Please take care and watch out.
Hard for us to say. Sometimes a fantasy is just a fantasy. Sometimes people describe things weird, he might have meant it different, maybe not.
I’m pretty sure most guys check out almost every woman they meet though, he just sounds bad at it, haha
I love CNC and what we affectionately refer to as ‘sleep assault”, but it sounds like something you aren’t comfortable with and you are well within your rights to tell him that. If you’ve communicated you don’t like it, that’s just rape.
The way he talks to and behaves around your sister is a major red flag. He is probably grooming her. Protect your sister and keep him away from her
We should kink shame people bcs wtf? I wouldn’t be able to sleep safely near someone like that
red flag to me for sure
Red flags being waved in the air here! This ofc is just my opinion but I’d definitely have a talk with him and perhaps counseling before something happens! Good luck!