So… my \[21M\] gf \[21F\] of 4 months works in a bar, she ended her work at 1ish am. She was going home and one man, a stranger in his twenties, from another bar called her and asked her if she wanted to drink with him… It turns out they stayed together to 3ish am, drinking, smoking,… etc. She even told me she got the impression he was interested in her (no shit Sherlock) and chose to still hang with him. She told me that at the end she told him that she had a bf at the end of night, and he even thought she was joking. Now, she tells me this, I get angry and she says I shouldn’t have a problem with it? She was alone mind it, I could’ve understood that if she was with her friends.
\*\*TL;DR;\*\* Gf spends the night drinking with a stranger in a bar, who she had a feel was interested in her and yet chose to still be with him to 3am… shouldn’t I be mad?
6 comments
It’s her right to go drinking with who she wants, and it’s your right to feel uncomfortable with it. It’s important for you two to discuss boundaries in your relationship, talk about what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
You can be mad, but she can still do it. She was hanging out with new people, assuming she felt safe. She also told you about it. She was having fun. She didn’t go home with anyone. She told them she has a bf. I would be impressed.
It’s only been 4 months, if you’ve already spoke about your boundaries and she decides to just do her own things and not have you in mind then that is going to push y’all apart eventually (if she keeps on not respecting you, or making you feel uncomfortable). She will either feel controlled and want to push away or you will feel like your needs aren’t met. It’s a hard gray area but if you are not able to stay in that area and solve it out then this is not viable.
I don’t think she’s keeping any secrets from you and is just hanging out with the guys. But being in a relationship I 100% understand why you’d be uncomfortable
someone Who makes choices like this doesn’t truly value you as a parter. If she wants to go off and live her life without considering how it affects you she should just Be single
Some people keep others around that are interested in them because it benefits them to do so, either materially or emotionally or socially. Does your girlfriend need a lot of validation from outside sources? Does your girlfriend like it when people flirt with her? Does your girlfriend not make a fuss when people hit on her AFTER she has informed them she has a boyfriend? If so, these aren’t great signs that she can be a great partner.
Furthermore, how would your girlfriend react if you were out with another girl until 3am? Is this a dynamic where one set of actions is ok for her, but wouldn’t be ok for you? Does she value monogamy the same way you do?
People in the service industry often rely on flirtation to get big tips. I wouldn’t necessarily be mad if she flirted or led people on while working, but it is a different matter entirely when it happens outside of a work context. That being said, the flirting dynamic can affect how they view flirting within the confines of a relationship. It is possible that you two simply have incompatible values.
Your girlfriend put herself in a stupid and dangerous situation, luckily nothing happened. If you explain it to her that you are worried something might happen and you would feel more comfortable if she hade friends or you there, then maybe she’ll see it from your perspective.