Before I get into this, I’m lgbtq+. She is aswell, but she lives in a very bigoted place and doesn’t have very good influences on a lot of things.
My \[15m\] friend \[13f\] were discussing the stripes on the progressive pride flag. Specifically, the one that represents those lost to HIV. I made an offhand comment about how I liked learning about lgbtq history, which then caused our entire conversation to turn into a debate about HIV and lgbtq people. She was firmly against the notion that lgbtq people are more affected by it while I firmly believe they are (because all of my research has led me to that conclusion.) I was calm during the debate which I think annoyed her even more because she was really freaking out at me. I know she gets stressed out during these kinds of things, so I know I should have stopped.
I was starting to get mad at her too because she kept saying the same things over and over again, and I felt like she was ignoring everything I was saying. She kept saying things like ” well those people clearly don’t care about getting HIV ” when I was saying things about how, from what I had seen, they feared harassment and other things by getting tested and/or treated. I finally just snapped and called to question her empathy, to where she said,
” *And then you have the audacity to insult my freaking empathy. Well guess what. You have literally 0! Every time we fight, you’re like ” Well I don’t know how you’re so upset.. ” or some crap. And then when I do that you’re like ” I cannot believe you, \[her name\]. You’re such a horrible person! “You literally do this so much to me. I can’t take it anymore. Why is it always me we hyperfocus on?* ” And then she wen’t offline.
And now I’m just sitting here and really thinking about what she said. I guess I’m just here for advice on how to be a better friend to her. She means a lot to me and I don’t like seeing her upset.
Sorry if I came off as rude anywhere in this post. It’s late and im exhausted.
TL;DR Me \[15m\] and my friend \[13f\] had an argument over something where I felt she wasn’t considering my side or being empathetic at all. She pointed out a bunch of my flaws, and now I just want advice on how to be a better friend.
2 comments
Don’t take non-personal things to a personal place.
Not every argument gets to end in a victory or even a meeting of the minds. Sometimes it ends with an “interesting viewpoint!” or “good point” or “I’ve never thought about it that way” and then you change the freaking subject. Or, if you can get away with it, something a little more direct like “we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one.” or some variant.
Some friends just have problems with philosophical arguments and it is rarely worth it to engage them on those levels. For some people it’s a general thing and sometimes it’s a specific issue thing. Learn the boundaries and just avoid.
I’m gonna take a wild guess this is a Discord friend, and then make a wild suggestion that for your own mental well-being – don’t be one of those terminally online teenagers whose lives are a Discord based dumpster fire. It’s brain rot and her way of talking to you shows that.