When women reject their friend’s proposal, why do they follow it with sugarcoated talks? Instead of being straightforward.

18 comments

1. Consider directly talking to others instead of asking questions on Reddit, friend 😉

2. Like why do they say stuff like, I don’t want to break your heart etc, instead of “I’m just not into you, you’re short/unattractive and I deserve better”

3. we are socialized to be overly pleasant cus anything other then sugar and smiles will be met with violence.

4. I try my best to be polite because the ones I encountered didn’t take a simple “No” very well, but this is just my experience and personal way I believe is better to deal with them.

5. Sometimes the guy doesn’t have the looks or personality which meets our standard, and revealing it to them may offend it, if it’s a friend then he’ll probably lose confidence in himself.

6. To hurt their feelings less

7. The very real fear that if we’re honest you might try to argue us out of our reasons. Or assault us.

   For example, if we say “I don’t find you that attractive” what are the odds that a fired up person would reply “oh, okay, that makes perfect sense”. Instead, it’s more likely that they might take the perceived insult to their ego and reply “well what makes you think you’re so good looking?”

   I really recommend you take a look at subs like r/niceguys to see what happens when women answer honestly. Most of us just want to turn you down and exit the conversation with as little confrontation as possible.l, because it’s an uncomfortable conversation to have in the first place.

   Also there is nothing worse then seeing the image of a friend shattered and replaced with an angry, bitter individual.

8. “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

   – Margaret Atwood

9. Because people can’t even handle it, and behave in a civilised, mature way when you are ‘nice’ about it… why would you think they could handle the blunt ‘I don’t like you’.

   Also why are the ‘sugarcoated talks’ not the truth? Why can’t they say they feel terrible and are sad about not being in to the person… it’s not necessarily lies. They’re still nice good people, and no one likes being the ‘baddie’ that hurts peoples feelings and lets them down.

   Also there’s the whole rape, bashed, stalked, verbally abused, intimidated nastiness that goes down when spoilt people don’t get what they want.

10. We know the rejection is going to hurt the other person and we empathize with that. We like you as a friend, and we don’t want to hurt you. So we try to soften the blow.

11. Violence, the answer is violence.

12. I really feel attacked and hurt when y’all are lashing out on me. I understand she isn’t attracted to me, but uhm her lie by which she didn’t mean to hurt me more, actually hurts more than the truth. If they’re just honest about their unattraction, I would have gladly accepted it and have changed my focus from looking for love to some workout or studies accepting the fact that I’m not meant for it.

13. I’m very, VERY rarely attracted to anyone. I’m bi and have several friends, both men and women, who’ve confessed they have feelings for me. They’re all amazing, attractive, funny, thoughtful and charming people – that’s why I chose them as friends. But there’s a difference between being attractive in looks and personality and me actually being romantically attracted to them. Of course I’ll tell them they’re beautiful, that I love them as friends and that their future partner will be lucky to have them, cause it’s TRUE, and I don’t want them to feel bad about the rejection.

    Considering the fact that you can’t grasp this, I hope the friend that rejected you reconsiders your friendship. You obviously don’t view friendship as something valuable.

14. if a person is sugarcoating things, it’s because they have been made to feel guilt, shame, fear, etc. throughout their lives for setting boundaries, saying no, or turning things down. this is also why some ppl, specifically women, who are comfortable doing these things, do end up getting hurt by others, even ppl they are close to…many ppl who cause that type of harm, feel a sense of power over others, (again, “others” being specifically women a lot of the time) and act out of rage towards that person when they don’t manifest guilt, shame, fear, etc. within them to get their desired answer or outcome.

15. Hurt men are capable of violence and bad insults (like all the typical “nice guys” that are nice at first but then they tell you to die”)

16. It takes a lot of courage to propose. If I got rejected, I’d like it sugar coated too but clear enough so I get the message.

17. Women are taught to be nice to others. We think by sugarcoating things we are saving that person’s emotional pain.

    I’m older and learned too say the truth, why I don’t like a guy. Guys attack me with words for being straight forward, I will continue to be straight forward because it’s easier for me.

18. If that person is my “friend” then I wouldn’t want to hurt him. It may sound sugarcoated to him but honestly I’m just trying my best to not come off as rude or mean. Cause he is my friend. And while I may not be interested in him romantically, I 100% value our friendship.