My girlfriend is igoring me because I told her I don’t like her talking about her “h*ephase”
Skip to the fourth paragraph if you don’t feel like reading everything.
My girlfriend somehow loves to tell me about the amount of guys she has sent nudes to, and how she was a “h*e” before she me. We have been togheter for a few months now, and before that we were in the so called talking phase.
As mentioned she talks about how she sent nudes to alot of guys before me (We were both virgins before we met however, and lost it to eachother). Although her “H*ephase” doesn’t bother me too much, I still fucking hate it when she has to talk about it. I am sure i’ve made this clear to her before, but she still loves to talk about it. And then she always tells me how she has changed when she met me. Which is good, and is the abselute least I expect from her.
Anyways fast forward to today. I don’t know how it came up but we started talking about how she still has a guy she sent ass pictures to on snap. She has made it clear that he is just a friend, and that both of them thought it felt weird when they sent pictures to eachother. I trust her, and she wouldn’t cheat on me so don’t tell me that. I tell her that I still don’t like the guy, even though they’re friends now.
She then tells me:
her: If only you knew what I did during my
h*ephase
To which i replied:
me: Yeah I don’t want to know
her: ive changed alot since then though
me: yes i know.
her: can I please just tell you one thing
my stupid ass: fine
and then she tells me: well i sent nudes to 5 guys in the same night
me: yeah i regret saying yes, really didnt want to know that
her: ive changed alot since then
me: I just think its really fucking unattractive when you tell me about your “h*ephase”
So yeah thats that really. Now she is ignoring my texts for some reason. Any suggestions on what I should do? Like it fucking hurts when she talks about it. I might just be insecure, but she should still respect my wishes. What should I do? I don’t think she deserves to be mad at me? What should I do?
tldr; My girlfriend talked about her previous “h*ephase” and I snapped, telling her its unattractive when she does.
17 comments
She’s bragging. That’s never an attractive trait, in anyone. But she seems to use that as a way to remind you how hot other guys find her. I can understand how that’s not great for you.
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>(We were both virgins before we met however, and lost it to eachother).
yeah….nah lol.
I think I’d ask what she expected or was hoping for in telling you that when you have already said you don’t want to hear about it.
I think that I can understand *wanting* to hear about it or NOT wanting to. I can understand being reluctant to share if the partner wants to hear it. but I don’t really understand wanting to share if the partner isn’t into it.
It’s sounds like she’s still processing her past experiences and choices.
You might try to ask her frankly, and gently, what she is trying to achieve by telling you this. She might feel she has no one else to talk to about it. She might be hoping for a certain response, or she might even be ashamed and looking for you to judge/punish her for her past. Bragging is certainly possible, but honestly, probably not the most likely explanation.
She should be respecting your boundary (and you should be standing up for it clearly) but the conversation you really need to have is one where you ask her examine her own motivations here and why she can’t seem to stop when she’s been asked too.
What you don’t do is insult her like that. It’s not “unattractive” that she’s telling you true things about herself. It’s uncomfortable, for you, that’s valid and that is enough. Calling her behaviour ugly was mean and critical of her character. If you care for her, apologize for that.
I’m stuck on how nudes equal a heaux phase lol
She really likes you and feels a guilty twinge to confess what she did in her past.
Likely she regrets it and wants to talk about it to be completely open with you about it.
Sending nudes and calling it a h*ephase is really funny 😂 are you guys like 18?
She is seeking attention and wanting you to be jealous. It’s immature and toxic. May be best to break it off if talking about this is something very important to her.
Tell her she wasn’t a h*e she was a stupid girl looking for attention. And now her nudes have probably circulated around town. And if she really is into that drop her off at the local strip joint. Rhis will probably not be your last girlfriend.
HA! You’re 19? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nudes are a h*ephase? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
She told you something you didn’t want to know and when you said you were right, she kept pushing. Now she’s sad in the tummy because instead of it being a successful power move, she got called unattractive.
Even at 19 she’s nuts. Find someone else and tell her that sending nudes to guys isn’t a difficult way to get praise from them.
A 19 year old who has never slept with anyone else but who is intent on bragging about being a ho is probably “pre-ho phase” not “post-ho phase”, I’m afraid.
Most comments are saying she is bragging, but what if she is trying to share because it caused her trauma or was spawned by trauma. Maybe she is just trying to brag, or maybe she sees you as someone she trusts to talk about that trauma with, if it is trauma…
Try talking to her and digging a little deeper past the surface of what’s being said. Open communication works wonders in every relationship.
But yeah, if she is just doing it to brag and get attention and there was no trauma behind it, then she is trash.
I can see where this went wrong. She either didn’t catch your cue to topic shift or really wanted to share. In that instance she overstepped an implied but unspoken boundry. Then when you called it unattractive it sounded like you were judging her.
Next time you two speak tell her that you love her dearly and are not judging her for her past but you don’t want the details and that she should respect that.
All she did was send photos? I mean, I’m 40 so that just doesn’t sound like a big deal? At some point you may need to kindly set boundaries about things that bother you. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and we still haven’t told each other everything about our past relationships and flings. I just don’t find it important because I’m not threatened by her past, were more focussed on the here and now. I hope you’re able to get to that point in your relationship as well. I’m not sure why she feels like she needs to talk about it- Maybe she feels guilty or is trying to get a reaction from you? That might be a good questions to ask: “what’s your intention when you tell me about sending nudes?”
If she had a h*e-phase with that, I’m not sure what to call mine.
I’d honestly try to make her understand that you not always find it unattractive but very, very dumb. It sounds to me like she is convincing herself that she doesn’t miss out on anything by being with you and/or that she has the need to be “sexy and interesting” when she doesn’t have any experience with sex and kinda wants to validate herself in that sense. Or perhaps she wants to hint at some kinks but is too embarrassed to bring them up naturally which is totally valid for someone who basically just lost her virginity. As others pointed out, you need to figure out what she wants to achieve with it.
She’s trying to make you feel jealous. It sounds like she craves attention in an unhealthy and toxic way, as in she will do whatever to get attention even if the attention is negative. I think you’re in the right, but saying “that’s unattractive” can be seen as harsh even though it’s true, and that probably hurt her feelings. It’s up to you to decide if you want to reconcile, in which case I’d just be honest about your feelings in a direct and firm, but less crass way – no cussing, no insults, etc.
“I don’t like when you try to make me jealous and brag about things you did before we got together. When you try to make me jealous, it doesn’t make me feel good – in fact, it *actively makes me feel bad*. I appreciate that you respect our relationship now, but if you want to respect me then you need to stop telling me about things you did before our relationship. If you can’t, this will not last.”