In short, there’s a couple of things I’m struggling with. Sorry if this is all over the place I’m running late
1- we’ve been friends since middle school and after graduating I became financially independent and well… broke while she still gets allowance from her parents. I have a huge social circle (not super close with any of them but I make time in my schedule to hangout / go out with most people to fill my free time and network). She doesn’t have any friends other than me which is understandable because a lot people don’t like her so she constantly wants me to go out with her and do pretty expensive activities / luxuries that I can’t afford I’m already in a tight spot with money every month either way. She tells me that she doesn’t have anyone else and really wants to have these experiences with me and that she will pay for it and just wants my company and I agreed to do so a couple of times but I feel like I’m leaching on to her and that our relationship isn’t healthy anymore because she became like my sugar daddy in a way. If I want to do something that looks like I can’t afford I suggest she does it and then she invites me and pays for it etc. I know it’s wrong I’m doing this. I’m kind of using her but I really enjoy her company and she enjoys mine so I feel less guilty about it. She’s aware of what I’m doing I think but she doesn’t seem to mind.
2- I mentioned above that people don’t really like her. Girls are usually threatened by her. She’s the prettiest, most elegant, sexiest, most charming girl I’ve ever seen. Men like her but she doesn’t like people who become obsessed with her / she rejects any guy that shows interest in her all the time even when there’s nothing to reject she’s turned off when people like her? Very confused human that can’t decided what she wants. Well the second issue is, I like her. I obviously wouldn’t approach her in a relationship way because it would ruin our friendship if that didn’t work out but I’ve approached her sexually more than once and she doesn’t seem to mind and we sort of hooked up twice. Not like full on but it was not just making out. We were both intoxicated both times though. She never approached me that way and she never rejects me when I approach her. I’m very confused on where we stand in our relationship and I’m trying to keep my distance but she constantly wants me to be with her all the time and I like her company but it’s starting to be stressful to me not being able to express how I feel about her because I’m not sure how she feels about it. Sometimes I think that took advantage of her because she doesn’t have anyone else but I wasn’t trying to do that. I just felt something and went with it and I was very slow with her and looked at her to check how she’s reacting every seconds of it and she never showed any signs of wanting to stop.
Advice please
TLDR: my best friend pays for everything we do together (expensive) and I feel like I’m using her. I like her and we’ve hookuped but I feel like I’m using her in that too because she doesn’t have any other friends. She never rejected my advances but maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to loose me.
2 comments
If you like this person and feel as though you’re taking advantage of her, just stop. It can be tricky when money comes into things because, to be honest, some people can just afford different things than other people.
I would just speak to her and say “Hey, I feel like you’re paying for *a lot* of stuff for me and it’s making me feel really bad and guilty. I don’t want you to think that I’m only your friend for this reason. I’d love to continue hanging out, but is there any way we could just do some cheaper activities until my financial situation improves.”
I mean if you feel bad then just stop having her pay. Insist on paying.
As far as how she’s feeling and the state of your relationship TALK TO EACH OTHER.