What was your sneaking suspicion that your SO was cheating and what do you classify as ‘cheating’ without the physicality of it?

10 comments

  1. One of the first times, we were in the car and his phone was on the center console thing. His phone made the text sound and a man’s name popped up. He’d told me a few days before that this person was just a friend at work and I thought ok whatever. But in the car when I said “so and so texted” he grabbed his phone so quickly and frantically that he dropped it.

    I called the number while he was in the shower later and it was a woman.

  3. I had no idea he was cheating. He joked around about redownloading tinder together to look through who we matched to see each other’s type, and when I looked through his he had been matching with and trying to talk to girls since we had been together. Tbh really stupid idea on his part to look through tinder together. He never met up with anything and no girls actually messaged him back but that’s still cheating to me

  4. I had zero suspicion, I was completely blindsided when he exposed himself.

    & Anything that crosses boundaries in the relationship is cheating. Some couple are okay with things that others aren’t; just because something is cheating in my relationship, doesn’t mean it is cheating in yours. This is why communication and boundaries are so important. Things get so messy when lines are crossed that weren’t obvious lines to begin with. Porn is a super common one, for example.

  5. He accused me of cheating on him constantly, every time we argued it started from that accusation.

    He told me I should be concerned and show jealousy because he was at work alone in a room with the only girl on site. Which he also referred to as a “known slut” among the lads, which was just pathetic from all those lads. And surely if I trust you, I shouldn’t have to worry about you hanging out with the gender you’re attracted to, no matter what.

    I’d classify anything not respectful of your current relationship as cheating. Such as flirty texting or talking, while hiding it from your partner, knowing they wouldn’t like it.

  6. Cheating is doing anything of a romantic or sexual nature with another person that you wouldn’t do in front of your partner.

    In my case, he had an online dating profile up for several months after we had gotten back together after a breakup. I only found out because an email notification of “new matches” popped up on his computer while he was showing me a random YouTube video (the emails were on a weekly schedule so it eliminated any chance that he had simply “forgotten” to take down his profile. Kinda hard to forget when you’re getting weekly messages).

    His lame argument was he didn’t do anything wrong because he had his status listed as “in a relationship” and he hadn’t met up with anyone (but conveniently ignored the fact that it said he was a man looking for a woman for short and long term dating and had a long description of what he was looking for that was a list of qualities that I do not possess)

    If he “wasn’t doing anything wrong” why didn’t he tell me he was leaving his dating profile up for funsies? Oh, that’s right, because it’s cheating and he knows it. He has been my ex for over 10yrs btw LOL definitely not still with him.

  7. I didn’t have a suspicion. They told me, that’s the only reason I knew and they didn’t tell me because they felt guilty, they told me so they could leave me for them. It was my first boyfriend.

  8. Never dismiss the gut feeling. Hiding their phone screen from view a ton is usually a red flag. Also catching them on any dating site where they say they’re “just looking”. They’re never just looking.

    Cheating is anything outside the agreed upon boundaries of the relationship. There can be cheating even in open relationships. If your partner is regularly going to someone else for intimacy and not investing in it with you as their partner that’s a line imo. If they’re doing something with someone else that they wouldn’t feel comfortable doing together in front of their SO that’s a line.

  10. Not my current partner, but my ex. We were hanging out watching TV at his apartment. I was holding his phone, only because he was showing me a Youtube video. He was not paying attention and left the room. A text message popped up at the top from a lady, who’s name I knew because he’d told me about her in the past. It was a woman named Isabel that he’d hooked up with before we started dating. The text in question was “wanna come over so I can smoke you out?” I just put his phone down on the couch. There were some not so appropriate emojis as well if I remember correctly.

    He came back in and I let him know he received an urgent text message and he really ought to take peak at it. Needless to say we fought all night until the morning. He was adamant that nothing happened and he’d never seen her since we’d been dating (it was like 8 months into this relationship). The message was so out of the blue. Blah blah blah. Well I was in NYC and my flight wasn’t for another week or so, so it was just awkward. We kept dating. I was young and he was six years older than me and I’ll keep it real, I thought he was just so attractive that I just wanted to believe him despite totally knowing deep down he was cheating. Totally immature and I didn’t know my self-worth. It was my first serious relationship out of high school. Back then, I would’ve drank the bath water that dude bathed in if he’d asked me twice.

    We broke up maybe three months later. There was this guy who was good friends with a few of my friends. He’d buy me drinks downtown and hit on me. I never let him make a move and always reminded him I had a boyfriend and he’d joke “call me when you’re single” and dumb stuff like that. Seriously never did a thing. The night we broke up, I called this man as soon as I hung up with my ex💀. Not my proudest moment but I went downtown and had drinks with him and flirted my ass off. Kept seeing him or whatever for all in all 2 months tops. Got a text from my old roommate about a month or so after my breakup saying he’d been tagged in a photo kissing the woman I mentioned earlier. While at that poor guy’s house I got into a huge texting fight with my ex. No tears, all anger. I sent him the pic and was like “I know you cheated on me our entire relationship” and this man really replied back something so cruel like “hey you said it, not me.” I apologized profusely to the guy I had been hanging out with and said I had a family emergency and left. (I’m still cool with this guy so don’t feel bad for him. Not like good friends or anything but I see him a few times a year at parties. Point being he was a nice guy and understood I was going through a messy breakup).

    Like I said, not my proudest moment but I was young. Would never handle a situation like that today.

    I had other suspicions he was cheating the entire time. He’d comment flirtatious things on random women’s photos, girls he went to college with, just anyone really. I’m talking heart eye emojis and “looking good”. Total tool. Would go out clubbing every weekend and his phone would “die” and he’d contact me at like 3am drunk. We were a hooooorrible match and fought all the time. And I’m not a fighter! Something about him got my gears grinding and made me act like someone I wasn’t. It was probably the excessive cheating, paired with being young lol.

    As for your other question, every relationship is different so can’t really answer that. Have a discussion early on and set boundaries. If the boundaries are broken, then that’s your definition of cheating.

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