Men in their late 20s and early 30s who have been single their entire life, how do you cope with feelings of “unwanted” and emasculation?

17 comments

1. I went to the therapy to try and help me see value in myself. I still dislike myself and don’t feel like an attractive man all that often (I’m not tall dark and handsome, and when I see women on dating apps shunning or belittling guys under 5’9″ or such else, it still feels dehumanising), but I’m starting to focus on different things in myself other than that. It’s definitely still difficult to sleep at night, feeling lonely and isolated from other people and feeling ugly and unlovable. I’m in my head less after starting the correct medication and learning techniques in therapy though, and while it doesn’t work for everyone, I do recommend trying it. I obsess less about dying alone, even though I still fear it’s a possibility, by obsessing/focusing on other exploits and putting other things that I enjoy first.

2. Part of my case is being on the autism spectrum. I can get lost in my head easily, indulging in a special interest or psyching myself out of increased social contact. It’s hard for me to get the measure of a conversation. I have trouble noticing and deciphering cues and voice tones. Flirting is a foreign concept. I probably wouldn’t pick up on it even if I was looking for it. I’ve struggled with self-confidence issues for a very long time because I was told many variants of “you’re weird”. You eventually internalize that, separating yourself from the world at large mentally.

   At this point, a relationship looks like a daunting and exhausting task. I have to learn everything, and yes, I mean in an active sense because for me this is not intuitive. Honestly, at this stage I am conflicted because I am able to maintain a balance in my life as it is. I am in a good place in my career. I am happy with my living situation. I am in the best shape of my life and I’m learning more all the time about how to manage myself mentally so I don’t burn out or get lost in executive dysfunction. I needed to grind through most of my 20s to get to this point, so it is worth risking all that hard work?

3. Working out, reading books, just trying to improve my situation mostly. I no longer care if I’m wanted or not by anyone. When a man has no purpose these type of feelings can easily creep in like it did to me. I wake up pissed everyday because I’m not yet a millionaire then I uses that as fuel to motivate me. Focused, channeled anger is an incredible motivating force. If used correctly you can move mountains and accomplish incredible things without needing validation from anyone.

4. By getting drunk and indulging in escapism (e.g. video games).

5. Keep yourself busy. Learn useful skills and do projects to practice them. Keep pushing yourself to learn new things, take on new projects, etc.

   At this point(now late 30s), I really dont see adding a woman to my life would improve it.

6. I spend the majority of my time on hobbies and stuff i like. And take comfort in a relative drama free life.

7. Video games and meaningless sex

8. I just stay busy doing things I like. I started dating pretty late at 27 and feel alright going on dates but I also don’t mind not dating. I’d like to have a girlfriend, but I feel fine on my own. I don’t meet women who I like too often, and also never put effort into dating till recently, so I’m not surprised that I’m single. I feel like I’m still learning what I should do on dates and stuff like that. probably is pretty obvious that i’m very inexperienced

9. Autism spectrum here. Its the worst knowing that my disability basically makes it impossible for me to get a relationship due to society still demanding men do all the heavy lifting to start and approach. Social things are hard enough as it is let alone when all the pressure is on me, and any of my weirdness can and has been treated as ‘creepy’ by most women who won’t even spare a second to get to actually know me before passing judgement.

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   So I guess the answer is: I don’t cope with it. It sucks.

10. do you mean never had a GF?

11. What excites you? What do you have a passion for? Get involved in things that thrill and motivate you. Good way to be around other like minded folks. Then you’ll have greater successes in finding gals (or guys if that’s your thing. not that there’s anything wrong with it). Making yourself happy 1st is the key IMO.

12. Escorts and hobbies and interests.

    Learning to make peace with being alone and finding acceptance. It’s been a long journey.

13. Do things that make you feel more masculine and wanted.

    That doesn’t require a woman.

14. Just try to focus on positive friendships that I have, and my hobbies that can help me feel more accomplished – basically, things I have some control over. I still have my low days but it no longer takes me so much time to get over them.

15. Focussing on doing things I enjoy.

16. i want to see everything burned to their ashes😬

    and at some point in your life you just live with that.

    but in my case it left some scares. heavy mental health problems.

    Depression, Selfhate, Hate, Anger, Suicode thoughts, Misogynistic thoughts. I don‘t think I can fix but maybe I can control it someday.

17. Emasculation from being single?! Please, these crazy heartless women out here will have you questioning your entire existence. Act like submissive, feminine Angel’s sent from god until they have some kind of leverage on you. Then they regress into 18 year olds with mental illnesses.