Okay so I don’t normally do this but I thought I’d post this to reddit because I really don’t know anybody else who can help me and I don’t really know if there’s any help I can get I’m just really sad and I needed to vent I’m 28 years old I have cerebral palsy and I have this one Troublesome ex and we even have a child together I love her more than anything in the world and she has been married for the past 3 years and her husband recently cheated on her, the relationship is now over, and old feelings are flooding back to me.
When she is with someone I can push down these feelings because she is with someone else and her focus is entirely on them, but she is not now and this is where the problem lies, we broke up because of my disability she’s never outright said it but the idea of her having to take care of me really turned her off and threw a huge wedge and our relationship, but the problem is she never really had to take care of me in the first place, I was my own independent man when I met her oh sure I live my life a little different than most people, but that doesn’t mean that I’m some invalid that needs Round the Clock care
My brain tells me to move on forget about her because she doesn’t give a s\*\*\* about you but my heart wants her back more than anything and I’m a dumb guy so naturally my heart wins most of the time but it’s really hard for me to deal with this conflict inside me because I don’t know which side is right I don’t want my brain to be right but I know it probably is I’m at a loss and I’m starting to think that there really is no one out there for me if the woman that had my child can just turn her love off like a switch and never gain it back no matter what I do no matter how many times I stick my neck out for her or help her financially or let her know how I truly feel about her none of that seems to matter and it hurts me deeply but yet my heart has me running back to her the second I find out she’s single and it makes me hate myself because I don’t want to love her this much but I do simply because of the fact we had wonderful times together and we have a beautiful baby boy and every time I see her I think of that and I want to thank her because my son is the greatest thing I’ve ever had in my life but she also did the most damage to me out of anyone in my life so I really don’t know how to feel
Despite being kind of a shity person I still care about my ex very much and I love her I find her more beautiful than any woman on the planet and any opportunity I get to talk to her I try and I’m even trying to be there for her through her recent trauma and just let her know that she doesn’t have to do things alone but even now when I’m extending my most vulnerable side she does things like act like she doesn’t want to talk to me or leave me on read or something like that and it’s hard for me because I want a place in my son’s household I want to have my true love back but it’s hard for me to deal with the fact that she may never love me for something that I can’t help no matter how many surgeries I undergo or no matter how hard I try so I’m asking you reddit just give me some sound advice make me feel better or tell me what to do I don’t know I’m lost I know I shouldn’t feel this way about this woman because she obviously doesn’t feel the same way but I want her back more than anything in the world and do you think there is anything I can do to get her back or do you think that is a fruitless Pursuit TL;DR struggling to suppress feelings about my ex