So my partner wants to have an open relationship, and has said that the reason she wants it is so we can both ‘learn to please each other better’, however I just don’t feel comfortable at all with the situation. I’ve begrudgingly agreed to a 3 month period, but I’m worried that since she is a female and gets a lot more attention, that this whole situation could ruin my view of her and in turn, the relationship. What do I do?
37 comments
The relationship is essentially over
I would see this as an incompatibility and a situation in which you would be better off ending the relationship. No one who isn’t fully onboard with an open relationship should be involved in one, it has to be something everyone involved actively wants to work.
It’s over. That’s as fundamental an incompatibility as you can get. Don’t begrudgingly agree to it. Just end it.
tell her it’s off. also, that sounds like such a shit reason tbh. people in relationships generally explore each other together (unless they’re both poly/both into open relationships etc). talk to her immediately dude. you should NEVER agree to something you don’t actually want to agree with.
End it. Find someone who doesn’t want to do things you’re extremely uncomfortable with.
Coercion isn’t agreement. You are not ok with it, they should know and see that
I’m not sure how seeing other people is going to teach you to “please each other better” when the best way to do that would be, y’know, learn how to please each other *together…*
She wants this, you don’t and feel like you’ve been forced into it. It’s a basic incompatibility that has a very, very high chance of leaving you full of resentment and lasting trust issues. I’d call it quits now before any more damage is done. Not everyone is cut out for the open relationship lifestyle and that’s ok, it just means you aren’t suitable to be together.
Why did you agree to this?
Just break up.
How will seeing other people make you better at pleasing one another? Shouldn’t you, you know, figure that out with each other?
To be blunt: relationships over 100%.
“To please eachother better”? BS. Best way to please your partner is to LISTEN to what they like not other people.
Shes just tryna convince you n honestly id ghost her if possible.
Most of the time the partner that wants an open relationship already has someone in mind. She just doesn’t want to cheat and keep you around as a safety net. Put her to the curb and find someone that shares your morals.
Learn to please each other better? What does that mean … Sexually? So being intimate with others is going to make you better together? Sounds like you are not the one for her. She wants to date others but isn’t breaking up, which is weird.
Um her reason is bs, you can learn to please each other WITH each other. How is sleeping with other men gonna teach her what YOU like?? Why not experiment with each other? Sounds to me she wanted the green light to cheat and probably had someone in mind. This is going to backfire real quick. Open relationships work if both parties really communicate and want to do it. I’d ask her the real reason she wanted to open the relationship.
Just ghost her! You think you feel bad now? Wait till tons of guys start fuck’n the girl you loved. OH YOU REALLY GONNA FEEL SOME KINDA WAY THEN! Open relationships are a dealbreaker! It’s a lose/lose deal for 99% of guys. All she has to do is snap her fingers on the internet & 100s of random dudes are lined up to bang her today! If you’re average, you gonna get like 1 match per 10k to 20k views. Leave with a little dignity. There’s a guy on here a couple weeks ago that was asking how to get over the jealousy because his GF talked him into a open relationship & has been fuck’n randoms guys & girls 2 &3 at a time but hasn’t touched him in over 6 months! Here’s a look into the future for you! Don’t wait around hoping she doesn’t catch any STDs or get knocked up by some random guy & expect you to hell raise the kid!
Never agree to an open relationship if you’re not a 100% in it. This just sounds like you guys are on the prolonged road to a breakup.
Also, she’s manipulating you, she just wants to bang other dudes.
>but I’m worried that since she is a female and gets a lot more attention, that this whole situation could ruin my view of her and in turn, the relationship.
You are not wrong here. If you arent 100% on board with an open relationship, it just wont work. The best thing you can do is to break up.
Man I would break up with her. Make good choices.
“Learning to please each other better” involves getting experience and practice with the person you want to please better, not by going out and getting experience with other people.
I suspect that what your girlfriend actually wants is to have the safety net of having a boyfriend while also having the personal and sexual freedom to hook up with randoms when she wants to, without the relationship and social risk of being called out for cheating on the boyfriend who will always be there in case she wants him (or more likely, in case she is feeling horny but strikes out with trying to hook up with some other random).
Let me guess this straight :
– she has a dude line up she wants to fuck/explore her feelings
– she doesn’t want to carry the guilt secrecy… She gets caught “yeah but we opened”.
– if it works you’re in the wind like trash in a Kansas tornado. And if it doesn’t she’s back for comfort until she meets someone new.
– the second you are actually dating or getting fwb with anyone the relationship will either be closed or she’ll dump you and broach you unfaithful.
And I’m sorry but I want to suck other dicks to perform better on you is not a good reason…
I explore new things with my partner, not with this bs reason she’s giving you
Open relationships aren’t for everyone. I know myself well enough to know I couldn’t find happiness in one, and that’s okay. I’m in a monogamous marriage now, and if my husband ever asked to change that and open our relationship up, I’d be gone. Not because I *want* to lose him, but because I owe it to myself not to agree to something I know would make me deeply unhappy.
It’s normal to be 19-21 and to be curious about what else is out there. It’s also normal to have a shit ton of anxiety about “giving up” a partner to explore that curiosity, so an open relationship can *seem* like a compromise or a best of both worlds scenario. But while I know this will probably be unpopular, I really think pursuing open relationships have become a **trend** lately rather than a genuine, respectful exploration of non-monogamy. Polyamory and non-monogamy should start with a sincere interest/desire to have an open, **ethical** relationship, and to be successful it requires a lot of self-awareness and honesty.
But more and more, people are considering them as an “alternative” to infidelity, which just … isn’t apples to apples at all. And you can’t sidestep the damage infidelity caused by just slapping a preemptive “open relationship!” label on what you and your partner have. If your partner is just coming at it from a selfish, insincere place to try and avoid the consequences and guilt after infidelity, they have no business making this request of you.
Relationships (especially in your early 20’s) are messy, complicated, and constantly changing – which is why it’s critical that you identify and communicate clear boundaries for what **you** need in a relationship and what will make **you** happy, not just what you are willing to suffer through to hopefully be with your partner in the end.
If being with other people and knowing your partner is with other people won’t make you feel secure, comfortable, and happy, then you need to walk away and find someone that aligns with what you are looking for.
She likely had someone specific in mind and the minute you begrudgingly agreed she was on her way to see him. People who love their partners do not pressure them into open relationships.
Say No. Don’t open a relationship unless it is something you are enthusiastic about it. Also, the way you learn to please your partner is by communicating and working with them on the issue – not by fucking other people.
There is a reason that open relationships don’t work for the vast majority of people. They seem to be “in” at this point in time, but that doesn’t mean that they work any better for people then they did in the past. You are not crazy or wrong for not wanting this and for being concerned about how it would impact your feelings.
If she insists on this and you are not comfortable with it, then you are not compatible and should end the relationship.
Sex is individualistic, if she really wants to find the best way to please you better, it’d be by practicing with you. Stick to your boundaries and end it, don’t let her play you.
No, she wants it so that she can go have sex with other people
This isn’t the real reason she wants to try it. She already has someone on the side she’s interested in, and she’s just trying to keep you around for backup.
Nah, she wants to have sex with other people. That’s literally the only reason to open the relationship. Don’t buy into that “learn to please each other better”. Question: Why can’t you both learn to please each other by learning with each other instead? That’s all you need to know! Time to leave! Post is over!
Unless you are sitting next to her with a pad and pencil 😂😂😂
>we can both ‘learn to please each other better’,
That isn’t going to work. Cut your losses way before the 3 months is over. She wants to mess around and then come back and then she might want to extend the warranty. No sir pedal forward.
> the reason she wants it is so we can both ‘learn to please each other better’,
LOL.
Agree to it then fuck her sister, mother or both then ask if she’s enjoying pleasing each other more. Explain to her that they’re a better root then Ghost that bitch.
She just wants a pass to screw other men. At this early age, it is over. If both of you are not fully favorable about doing this, it is the beginning of the end. Do yourself a favor. Tell her it is over and to have a happy life. Even if she says she will call off the open relationship for now, the fact she even wants it is indicative she will eventually cheat to get what she wants.
There are plenty of good and faithful women. Free yourself to find one. You don’t deserve what she has planned to do to you.
I’m sorry. Your relationship is over. The resentment is going to build up and it will not be the same.
And her reason is utter and complete bullshit. We do not learn to please our partners based on our experiences with others. Frankly, when we assume our experience with others can be applied to our partner we are more likely to do damage when we try things they do not like, and then one or both of you feel bad or inadequate because of it.
The way to learn to please your partner is by listening to them. To honestly asking what they like. To being honest with each other.
Try reading the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski. It will give you the best insight into how to understand your next partners sexual response. Because this one is gone.
Open relationships are like kids.
Either both of you are a whole hearted yes, or it’s a no.
It can absolutely be instinctual and fundamental…or can be something you don’t really mind one way or the other.
It can also definitely be a deal breaker.
This sounds like a deal breaker for you. Sorry mate.
For a lot of people at this time it seems “open relationship” essentially means fucking around with no consequences.
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. If you stay, you let her think this shit is ok and reinforces it. Bro y’all are barely in your 20s and she already needs more than just you. Learn from this and move on.
Btw it’s not a problem she wants to fuck around. The problem is she thinks you’re spineless enough to accept staying in a relationship with her while she does all that.
She probably met someone she wanted to sleep with but wanted to keep you as a safe bet in the background. And yes, women come up with this type of ideas because they know its easier for them to find people to sleep with than for most guys.
If you are not comfortable with this, just end it, it’s not worth it.
Bruh women fuck who they want men fuck who they can. I think you should end it, she’s definitely just trying to fuck other people for one reason or another. Sorry to be blunt but it is what it is