I’m getting more and more fed up with my “friend” group. I’ve been very socially awkward and overweight for the last couple years. Recently, I decided I wanted to change and began working on my social skills, exercising, researching fashion etc. For a month or two, I was really happy with how much my social circle grew, how much healthier I felt, and how I finally wasn’t embarrassed to be seen without a mask or look at myself in a mirror.
But it seems like all that’s gotten me from my friends is ridicule. The more consistently I started going to the gym, the more I got made fun of for my weight. A couple of them avoid inviting me to things because they say I’m boring. In hindsight, they’ve always treated me as a sort of punching bag, but it’s been worse lately. One of them even told me I was trying to be something I’m not and I should stop trying so hard to build a ‘confident’ persona for college.
I don’t feel like what they’re doing to me is friendly banter or teasing. They have made it clear through their actions that they don’t like/respect me all that much, and so the jokes have stopped feeling like jokes and feel more like insults.
All of this has really brought me down mentally and I feel like I’m back where I started. I’m losing motivation to work out, I’m declining invitations from people I would normally love to hang out with, I constantly obsess over my awkward moments and negative features, and I’ve gotten back into some of my binge-eating habits.
I know most of you will say these people aren’t my friends, and I honestly agree. I am very eager to ditch them and find people who actually respect me when I go off to college. I’m moving to a different country and it would be very easy for me to never speak to them again.
The thing is, I’m still able to enjoy hanging out with most of them in person, since they won’t say the worst insults directly to my face. I also get along with all of them one-on-one for the same reason. Would it be so bad to keep hanging around them until I go off to college so I don’t have to spend my last summer here lonely? I’m worried that if I spend the summer alone in my bedroom, I’ll lose all the progress I’ve made.
17 comments
Tbh I think your better off alone focusing on yourself and putting the time and hard work for your future because those so called “friends” that put you down and make you feel shit are real and your moving to college so I say fuck it and invest that time into other people or u
I’m very happy without friends. I think most people are more work than they’re worth. Turn your efforts inwards and nurture yourself, appreciate yourself, think good things about yourself. That will lead you to needing others less.
They’re clearly trying to pull you back down to their level.
If you’re not self-sufficient then, sad as it is, you need their company.
Friends will come, focus on yourself it’s more worth it
I moved and actually had this exact same situation as you, was overweight, was always the butt of the joke, I really snapped when they were judging me for buying these cool little game/anime themed candies at a candy shop, and I just ditched them all, fuck that. They never treated me even close to a friend, ruined my mood and got me depressed and back into old habits. Now from experience, since then, I’ve gotten a decent job, my face is healthy and near no acne (less stress from said “friends”), moved and even regained my confidence to get a girlfriend, and although I still have my bad “lonely days”, they’re still 10x better than people hanging around just to bully you for being you.
Just do you and what makes you feel happy and those people are not really your friends if they treat you like shit.
If your friends are already negatively affecting your goals, desires, habits, etc.. how would keeping them around help you in any way? If you continue hanging out with them, you’re cosigning the way they treat you as OK. They’ll keep making comments as long as you keep rewarding them with your presence.
no friends. Journal, improve on yourself.
Our default state is peace. by removing what gives you negativity, you get back peace.
Caveat: you don’t give yourself negativity. Otherwise even when you have no friends, you wont get peace.
No friends. There’s self respect 🙂
Feeling nothing is better than feeling bad
If the people you’re around make you feel like shit then being alone is definitely better. Being alone isn’t bad if you’re on good terms with yourself. Treat yourself well.
No friends 100% if they are as bad as you say. I had something similar my “friends” talked behind my back ruined my chances with girls , called me names and other undeserved stuff. I used to call these guys my brother’s and if they wanted they had acces ro my money let me tell you I was used and disrespected all at the same time. I was young and I thought it would be better to not be alone but when I did pull the trigger and lost the dead weight I found my people. They are honest and sooo much better than the ones before. Keep going to the gym op it’s a marathon not a sprint. Goodluck OP. Learn from my mistake.
No friends.
unfortunately both scenarios are miserable but the ‘no friends’ is the better of the two
No friends, 100% the answer.
I feel like I’m in a similar situation. I have some male friends in my social circle but I’ve come to realize that they have misogynistic tendencies. They would make fun of me and repeat the same slurs again and again (always under the guise of being „humorous“). I’ve been contemplating about dropping them, but it’s hard since we originally know each other over 10 years.
Bro, my advice is never speak to them again except to show them love. (If you’re around them and they approach you) If they change and treat you, respect you, like a friend actually would, then go back and if you’re able to give them another chance. They’re low in where they are to feel the need to try and belittle someone that even somewhat thought of them as a friend.
Bro, hold your head up (if you ever get down) and try not to care. I bet you’re an awesome person.
I’ll be hoping you find what you’re looking for in college and for the summer. There’s people out there. Screw anyone that tries to mock you for anything. They’re just shallow. Don’t be rude back I’d say, though you may want to, but also there’s people out there.
And dude I’ve been and still am socially awkward at times.
I really am. I do think there are ways to grow out of it and learn through it, but always make sure you are enjoying yourself. Have fun yourself over worrying about not doing the right thing socially. That actually makes you more attractive in my opinion to others seeing someone confident in their own skin, not caring, and enjoying life. Remember to be kind of you can to those insulting you and to anyone. That’s my advice.
Hoping for the best for you !