Ever since I (F20) entered puberty I’ve been fantasising about having a relationship and doing all those cute things like holding hands, kissing, going out on dates etc. Eventually I managed to find some people who were interested in me, we started talking and getting to know each other, everything seemed to be okay.
I’m just extremely confused about what happens next.
As soon as they start saying cheesy things and I feel like things are starting to get a little serious I begin freaking out internally, or worse, after things get actually serious, I get… bored? Tired? It feels like a duty.
I’ve never considered dating to be a priority for me, I’ve always cared more about studying and working and friends but eventually I might want to be in a committed relationship and I fear that what I’m feeling is going to get in the way.
I thought this through and I sort of reached the conclusion that I might just be a little too selfish to be dating someone. I like to have my space and I often feel like I need to be alone (I’ve always been like this) which doesn’t really go well with being with someone.
A relationship involves two people, but what if I’m just too comfortable on my own? Does anybody who has been through this have a piece of advice for me?
4 comments
Yeah. Wait.
You’re not ready for a relationship now. You probably will be, at some point.
No sense trying to force it, and plenty of harm could result.
Wow, this speaks to my soul.
I was a bit like you –> very comfortable on my own, and not at all eager to progress things once they started getting “serious”. It took me ages to find my person, and I’m glad I waited because dating him feels effortless (in the best possible way).
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that you ***don’t*** have to force yourself to date if you don’t want to/aren’t ready to. When you meet the right person, you won’t feel as though dating them is a chore.
I’m married. My husband and I are definitely two independent people. We’ll spent evenings together on the couch, but we’re normally on our own devices, sharing the occasional meme.
The other night, the baby was napping in our bed, so he was in the living room while I was closer to her in my craft room so I could hear her wake up. We were watching the same episode of Stranger Things at the same time in different rooms.
My husband is a nigh owl by nature, so pre-baby, it was normal for weekends to be spent with me entertaining myself until he woke up at 3-5pm. Now, he’ll be up on weekends, but will still grab a nap or take care of errands he couldn’t do during the week. We do try to eat dinner together most nights.
>I’m just extremely confused about what happens next.
Life. Life is what happens next. You find someone who lives a compatible lifestyle. I couldn’t be happy with someone who needed me attached to their hip. I’m a homebody who wouldn’t be happy with someone who needs to go out all the time.
Don’t force yourself to date someone who you know you’re not compatible with. But do keep yourself open to the possibility of meeting a life partner.
Find the right person and you’d do well. I’m actually looking for something pretty similar, and I’ve had two different friends that had partners in a very similar situation, one who’s partner had an aversion to touch and physical affection but they had what they called an “intellectual romance and the other is just more of a power couple where they both do their own thing. They both seem really happy with their situation and like they have good futures ahead of them. The key for both of their situations, I think, is that they have a lot of open communication in their relationship, they specifically work *against* trying to fit their relationship into a typical “house and two kids” stereotype, and they do a great job of actually addressing ebbs and flows in their relationship and doing something about it instead of just assuming “the spark is gone.”