Okay the title feels “clickbaity” but I can’t explain it without the text post so … Here we go.
Context: we’ve been together for 5 months, but not without hiccups, I originally had broken up with her around the 2 month mark because I’d been talking to a few close people to me and they suggested that from the way I was talking about it, it was the right thing to do, fast forward 2 days from that and we then got back together because neither of us though it was the right thing to do, and it was around Christmas so we then also had some time away to think and see how we felt.
Fast forward to 3 days ago: I broke up with her because I believe that I’m not emotional available enough for a relationship, we’d had a couple weeks where I was just … Annoyed permanently at her, but for no good reason, and I knew that it was shitty but I couldn’t change how I felt, during this time I had also come to the realisation that I might be asexual and/or aromantic and that explained a lot about myself, so I want the time to be able to fully process that realisation and I don’t believe that being in that relationship will help.
Anyway, I broke up with her, it went … Well? I suppose, lots of crying from both of us, Lots of “you deserve to be happy” kind of vibes from both which was good, I left, cried, and went to bed, spent the next day pretty numb and then got a call from her that evening asking to talk/come over and my stupid dumbass said yes.
Now to the juicy bit, we ended up talking and then slept together, I felt feelings that i don’t think id ever felt before and certainly didn’t towards the end of the relationship, and yet I still believed that the right thing to do was to cut things off, but she believes I’m the love of her life (She’s had a terrible run of boyfriends and family all being abusive for context) and I want her to be happy, because I do care about her, but I can’t make her wait for me when I don’t know if I’ll ever come back.
So I left, as of current we’re not speaking for a week at least to see … Idk what happens? But I just don’t wanna hurt her anymore than I already know I have but it just seems like breaking up with her ruined both our lives.
So what do I do?
TL;DR: I broke up with my gf of 5 months because I didn’t think I was emotionally ready, we both made the stupid decision to sleep together, now I feel like I’ve hurt her more and we’re in a limbo of “not together but not separate” what do I do?
2 comments
Immediately after breaking up is when all the hurt is the strongest. You literally just have to give it time, you’ve not ruined both your lives. Going back and forth the way you have been is exhausting, better cut it off now before it becomes a years-long pattern that sucks you both in. Keep to your decision if you feel like it’s for the best, in the long run it won’t feel as heavy and if it’s not the right decision, time and distance will still help you figure out your asexuality and you’ll be a much better partner.
I say just give it time. It is hard at first but you both need to be strong and try not to be in too much contact.