I am a 20-year-old man who is looking for a relationship, I have gone on a few first dates but they always leave me feeling confused. I meet my dates through the dating app hinge as it is for individuals who are looking for a more lasting relationship.
After matching with a woman we normally talk for about a week and then plan a coffee date and go to a park and walk around and talk. I always pick a time where the Sun is up and I know that it will at least be a little bit busy to help make them feel more comfortable because I know that for a lot of women not being in a public space on a first date can be very nerve-racking and I want them to feel as safe as possible. I always get them a bouquet of flowers from a local florist, they always thank me for them and tell me how beautiful they are and how much it means to get them. Then we will enjoy our coffee and walk around the park and talk for normally about 2-3 hours. Then we each go home and will continue to talk over the next few days then about 2-3 days after our date I get a text message saying something along the line of “Hey I really enjoyed our date, I had a great time, you’re going to make some girl very happy but it’s just not me.” This leaves me feeling confused because you obviously found me attractive enough to match with me, you then thought I was interesting enough and attractive enough to go on a date with, and then you tell me that you enjoyed our date. For me I feel all of those things and that is why I want to go on a second date, but for them this is not the case. This isn’t a one-time occurrence, it is happened three times already and it is leaving me feeling confused.
I do my best to keep myself well groomed and looking fit, I go to the barber every other week, I dress nicely, I normally wear a button down shirt with the sleeves cuffed and a nice pair of khakis, I jog most mornings and go to the gym a few times a week. Our conversation is always fairly equal on who’s talking, we talk about our hobbies, our family, what we’re passionate about. They always seem interested in the second date following our first but then after a few days they change their mind, I’m just really not sure what I’m doing wrong.
My best friend who is a man says that it could be the flowers and that it is coming off too strong but all of my friends who are women say that it is not, they would love to have received flowers on their first date with their boyfriends.
I just really don’t know what I am doing wrong, any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
3 comments
I don’t think it’s very weird to have gone on plenty of dates where eventually there was no match. It’d be a miracle if you so quickly found someone you continue to really like and vice versa!
For some, having a spark on the first date (or not) is really really important for them, while for others (I think you?) building up closeness and intimacy over time is also good. Point is, there are many factors as to why someone wants to continue dating or not. It’s really not often personal! 20 years is also really young and it wouldn’t surprise me if most people at that age are simply just having fun and dating around, not really looking for anything serious yet.
I’d advise you to not go actively looking for a relationship but to see these dates as opportunities to have fun and get to know others better, and to grow in the dating atmospheres, and if girls want to have another date then that’s just a bonus. You still have loooots of time!
It’s definitely not the flowers please keep continuing to do that. But maybe these women didn’t feel a connection which is no fault of anyones it just happens. That’s the issue with online dating unfortunately
This is gonna sound counter intuitive but flowers and compliments these days kind of reek of desperation if its a first date(even though they shouldnt) also dont open yourself up too much if they havent earned it yet. A lot of women value self-respect. You dont need to try and impress them if theyre already going on a date with you.