So, i was in a relationship with this guy for three years and recently i found out that he had been cheating on me with multiple girls, including two of my best friends (from school and college respectively). The affair with the school friend had been going on for about a year and she blocked me as soon as i asked her. She didn’t even explain herself or whatever. I confronted my college friend as well and she confessed. I was in the hospital when it happened and she said she didn’t actually care to think about me at that time.
I cut ties with him and the girls involved (including the ones who were merely acquaintances with me). Even now he keeps lying, saying it was them who came onto him and they forced him to do it and stuff. When i found out about it, i did hit him out of anger but nothing too serious. I do feel bad for getting violent. But when i asked him to delete my photos and stuff, he refused and physically abused me as well. I had neck pain and headaches for two days because of that. Also, he had lied to me a lot regarding childhood trauma, his whereabouts and also acted like he had a terminal illness when he actually didn’t.
Now, the thing is that we are in the same institute and most people know us as a good couple kinda. I don’t wanna be associated with him anymore. I also found out from my friends that he had been talking literal bullsh** about me to a lot of people behind my back, portraying him as the good one and me as the toxic one. I am a very introverted person, so i guess people just believed him as he is very social and manipulative as well. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna twist the story and try to save his reputation somehow but i don’t want him to get away with all this. I had been quiet about way too many stuffs and i do think he’s gonna decieve people more. i don’t know whether being silent about this would be the best option either. I don’t want another person to go through this same shit.
What should i do? It would definitely affect his reputation and he should atleast take accountability now rather than just shifting the blame onto all these girls. I was thinking I’ll write and instagram post or story about this so that atleast the people who know about us would get a clear idea. He kinda threatened me a few days back telling me to “be careful” and stuff. Even though I’m kinda scared and confused i wanna do it but i don’t know if it’d be a good idea or not. Would this be considered defamation (even though I’m literally stating the facts rn)? Please help me out
TL;DR
My boyfriend was cheating on me with multiple girls including my best friends. He is manipulative, abusive and currently trying to save his reputation by shifting the blame onto the girls involved. I fear he might try to twist the story. So, I wanna write a post about these things on Instagram so that all my friends and acquaintances would understand the situation.
24 comments
Don’t write a post about this. I know you are angry and hurt over his cheating, but posting about it online is only going to make you look like the desperate ex-girlfriend who loves drama, and not like you’re just telling your side of the story.
I would also highly suggest seeking therapy since since you became abusive with him. As adults, we can’t hit people just because we’re mad at them. That is a crime, and if your ex wanted to, he could press charges against you. You could also press charges against him for hitting you, but that then becomes messy legal battle of “he said/she said.”
Block him on everything, get some therapy, and move on with your life.
I know how it feels to want to burn his world to the ground but it doesn’t help you in the long run. It only paints a target on your back and brings you down to his level.
The best thing you can do is put them in your past where they belong and be better than them.
Don’t post about him because that invites him and drama back into your life. You both learned that you can’t be with each other without needing to be violent. Think of it as a bullet dodge and try to get some kind of counseling. If he needs to talk about you, let him and correct the record with people in person if you feel you need to. Honestly when friends/ associates come running to me first about how awful the other person was/ is, most of the time I don’t believe them.
You’re going to get mixed opinions here. Some people think you should always be the bigger person and never speak poorly about others no matter what they do to you. Others are just fine going scorched Earth. This guy is literally damaging your reputation and relationships so I don’t get the advice telling you to let it go and move on. He’s not letting you.
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I’d write the post. He cheated with multiple people including close friends of yours while you were in the hospital. He gave you physical head trauma when you asked him to delete intimate pictures. Now he’s threatening you. Go ahead and tell your truth.
This is not a rom com. I get that you are mad but posting about it on social media is only going to make things worse by making you look childish and dramatic. The people who believe him are not going to change their minds over some shit you posted on Instagram. That’s not how life works. The overwhelming majority of people who could see your post will not care in the slightest (other than the few that lose respect for you for behaving like a literal child. Move on. It’s the only thing you can actually do that benefits your situation in any way.
Dont do it. It’s petty, and a bad look for you. This is uber cringy OP.
Be the bigger person, get off social media, take time for self care.
Don’t post anything. It will only backfire on you. Don’t say anything. It’s not up to you to save future hypothetical partners of him.
Try to block him and your ex friends as much as you can and start widening your circle of people. You may be introverted but that doesn’t mean you can’t be social and can’t network with people.
OP, stay away from him. You both have already gotten violent with each other and there is too much going on.
You know what I want you to do right now? Book a vacation, get away from this mess for a few days, and detox.
I feel like everyone in these comments is ignoring that you just want to tell your side of the story. I think you have a right to speak your truth if you feel that you need to do that to find closure. But social media might not be the place to do that? Maybe on your private story (limited viewers). But think about eeeevvveeryybody that follows you. Do they *all* have the right to know such intimate details of your private life? Many will just judge you for it. You’d be better off just being open with the direct people in your life, bc nobody else really matters anyway.
I wouldn’t post on social media. If you have proof of the cheating like him admitting it via text or whatever else I would talk to 1 or 2 people and show them then let it go from there. Otherwise be yourself, keep your head high, and show more class than him. Chances are he’ll do this again and people will realize the truth.
Speaking as someone who has made a post on social media after a messy breakup in their early 20s, I will say it is something I regretted down the road. You may not feel the same, but it’s tough and cringey to look back on your social media choices and realize how childish or spiteful you sounded (even if that wasn’t the intention) in hindsight.
A previous commenter recommended putting it on a private story with just close friends and family. If you feel so inclined to post on social media than I would recommend doing that. However, I would definitely keep things a little vague. Not every person needs to know every detail of your breakup and the people who believe his spin will believe it whether you write a post or not. Right now you need (and I’m sure want) support from those closest to you. Seek out those people and I hope you feel better soon.
Don’t do it on social media, once something’s on the internet you can’t remove it. His reputation doesn’t matter. But your experience and wellbeing matters. If you make the post, you may get some support, his reputation may worsen and you’ll feel temporarily satisfied by that, but you may also get a lot of drama, conflict, doubt, aggression, etc. It’s not worth it.
I do encourage you to tell your story verbally, in person, to as many people as you want. Like you said, it’s just facts. And if it comes up in conversation there’s no reason for you to lie or hide information. Not to mention, this is a very recent emotional event for you, it’s natural for you to want to tell people and they should be willing to listen.
A better option would be getting off social media.
If you have proof that he is spreading lies, you could go after him for slander?
No no no. You’re better than that. Revenge is a life well lived without him. Don’t be about the drama, you’ll come out of this much better. I promise.
The opposite of love is indifference.
Block and move on, but feel free to be truthful should anyone be naive enough to ask why you no longer speak to your ex or best friend.
>trying to save his reputation by shifting the blame onto the girls involved
Yeah… there’s no way anyone with half a brain is going to hear “It’s not my fault, multiple women tricked me into cheating on my ex – those evil women are out to get me!” and do anything other than roll their eyes and quietly assume he’s just too dumb to understand his own situation.
Instead of using your energy to write this post, it would be smarter to sleep counseling and maybe file a report/restraining order for him threatening you.
Don’t do it. It’s never a good look. Take the high road and forget about them.
I feel like writing a post about the whole thing on Instagram to let my friends and acquaintances know.”
Don’t do that. It’s immature drama.
Also, “literal bullshit” means that someone went to a bull and collected what came out of its ass.
1. Just because he’s talking shit doesn’t mean many believe him.
2. A lot of people aren’t actually sympathetic to abuse, revenge porn, being cheated on, etc. This could easily blow up in your face as it devolves into a popularity contest. Tell your truth to trusted friends and associates, don’t put it in writing.
3. He’s already making threats and this could escalate into further violence, release of your photos or stalking.
Find out what resources are available to you. If you fear for your safety, call your local DV hotline and take their advice.
Was in a similar situation. Cheated on, angry and hurting, he was talking shit about me to all our friends and I wanted to get back. I cannot urge you enough- DONT SAY ANYTHING. Eventually people will realize how stupid he looks and it will really speak to your maturity that you were able to rise above it.
Just try to distance yourself from the situation. You know the truth and honestly that is really the only thing that matters. Let some time get between you and when it happened and you will be able to see more clearly and then maybe at that point you can decide. Hugs and be strong.
You’ll just look bitter and people will actually believe him if you start posting things like that. Prob not the best solution but how about posting vague “meme” sayings like “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” It looks classier because you’re not actually putting your biz out there but you are setting the tone for people to think again about his lies.
I think it’d be fine to post something, just be thoughtful about what you post. Keep it as specific and short as possible.
“Ex’s name cheated on me with multiple women, including Friend Who Blocked You and Friend Who Admitted It, who admitted it to me. The cheating has been happening for at least a year and includes while I was hospitalized. I won’t be discussing this further.”
Then don’t discuss it further. Don’t make a scene, just say what you know. Keep it factual. Don’t talk about your emotions, the betrayal, none of that. People don’t need context to understand why his actions are awful. It’s obvious.