How do you deal with a partner’s weird kink/fetish?

14 comments

1. I don’t.

   Truthfully, these things aren’t something you should “deal with”. I think if their kink(s) are really weird//uncomfortable for you… there’s a comparability issue.

2. Talk about it with an honest and open mind.

   Of course there will be kinks/fetishes that can be an immediate and hard no (ex. knife play, scat, incest) and that is totally okay. There are some that raise a red flag in us for a reason and you while you may be willing to learn the “why” behind the kink/fetish, you may not want to participate.

   Kink stems from a lot of different places and I think a lot of people are quick to go “oh no that’s weird, you’re messed up”, rather than taking a moment to hear their partner out.

   Remember, participation in your partner’s kink/fetish is not mandatory of being a good partner and it may not even necessarily be something your partner needs or wants in a sexual setting with you. It might just be the porn or content they consume in their own private time or it may be something they *want* to explore with you. But you get to decide what is a hard limit.

3. I tend to want to have the kink and fetish talk very early, before the “partner” part comes into play. If they suddenly spring a new one on me, I am going to be upset and angry. Also, if a person has made it to partner status, we would be at least half compatible sexually. Not every kink needs to be fulfilled in a relationship!

4. Communicate. Don’t shame and explain simply if it’s not your sort of thing.

5. Guy I was seeing had a few kinks and whilst it didn’t do anything for me, I would do it for him because I liked him and sex wasn’t just about me. He always brought me pizza and chocolate bar beforehand so I was happy too 😂

6. Only did it after love set in, so no big deal. Only really had one big time kinky SO who was into all kinds of kink and weirdness but I loved it all because I was smitten with her.

   The rest of them were rated R at best.

   Current SO has a thing for glossy white nylons and I totally get it.

7. Im an open-mind person, but I can’t imagine living with someone who constantly fantasises about doing weird or disgusting things to me.
   I also have kinks but I would never force anyone to accept them, I just use my imagination or watch porn movies because it can’t hurt anyone:) I mean, you can still have the best relationship even without sex, if you love your partner enough.
   Be safe 🙂

8. It depends on the fetish. If it’s something I could see myself trying out then we’ll try it out. If it’s something beyond my limitations or boundaries then we might need to discuss if this relationship is worth continuing.

9. We talked about our kinks and what we wanted to experiment with.
   Did lots of stuff, enjoying some, others not so much. So we found out what kinks we share.

   We only do the stuff we’re both okay with.

   Some things changed over time as well. We were both subs in the beginning. After lots of switching so we’re both satisfied I developed to be more dom.

10. I’m kinky myself so I don’t judge kinks as being “weird,” because they’re not.

    If a partner’s kink is something I absolutely don’t want to do or physically can’t do, that’s different; we might need to break up or just not do that thing together if that’s the case.

11. If I’m classifying it as weird then I’m also classifying it as shit I won’t deal with, to be honest.

12. You talk about them. You have a clear, honest and open conversation. You don’t shame one another or act weird.

    Nobody should be made to feel like another person’s fetish shopping list either. Absolutely nobody should be made to feel forced or pressured into something.

    You talk, you work out what you’re both into and take it from there. You’ll both have limits and activities that fall under hard no and soft no. Some you’ll both want to push a little, some you won’t.

13. Communication is key! Don’t shame your partner and If it’s something you’re not comfy with be honest with your partner. If you think you might be willing to try it then you can give it a go but never feel like you have to put up with something or try something for the sake of someone else. Set boundaries and keep them.

14. I like the answers people have already posted. I would say embrace their kinks. Kinks aren’t something one chooses.