How do I tell my husband we need to rehome our dog??

36 comments

1. Ok first off, why on earth are people selling unvaccinated puppies???

   Secondly, why haven’t they all these dogs been desexed? That’s is absolutely one of your main problems. They’re dogs, they have uncontrollable urges to reproduce.

   Also, that dog is bored shitless (hence the digging, chewing, attention seeking) and has already developed bad habits. Habits that will be hard for either of you as inexperienced owners, to overcome.

   I apologise for being blunt but as the owners, you/he/both of you, failed this animal and I think you just need to be very straight up with hubby and tell him. I can see where this will end up if it’s not rehomed to an experienced owner very soon.

   I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.

   Good luck ♥️

2. I’m sorry, but you need to rehome your dog ASAP. How is your husband going to feel when your child gets bitten (or maimed, or killed) by an aggressive dog that has not been trained? Because at the least your child WILL get bitten as she starts to crawl and pick things up. Your husband’s feelings do not get to override the safety of your child. What does your husband think will happen? The dog will magically become better behaved? I hope you can find people willing to put the effort in, because well-trained dogs also are happier dogs, and your dog deserves to be somewhere he can fit in.

3. Well for starters, you could spay and neuter. 😬🙄

   I’m sitting here reading this as a rescue/rehab/foster who specializes in dogs with behavior issues and just tallying up all of the ways you’re highlighting in your post that you guys have set this dog up to fail. And also wondering who you think is out there just waiting to fall all over themselves to take on this nightmare you’ve created.

   By all means, your child’s safety comes first. But ostensibly, as a responsible parent, the child is never alone with any of the dogs or within reach. (FWIW, 20 some years in vet med and know who the worst biters were? Doxies. Followed closely by mini poodles.)

   So of course keep the dogs away from the kid.

   Next, a responsible breeder will take back their dogs. So contact the breeder to see if that’s an option. If not, contact breed specific rescues to see if they have availability.

   In parallel, speak to your veterinarian about a referral to a behaviorist. Or call your local humane society/shelter and see who they use as a behaviorist. Get that info. (PetSmart or similar obedience training is not a behaviorist. A behaviorist comes to your home and evaluates the whole situation and helps you formulate a plan)

   Once you have a rehome option and a behaviorist option, sit your husband down and tell him that he has two options. He either does right by the dog with a behaviorist and training and exercise or he rehomes because you guys are currently setting this dog up to harm someone and be euthanized as a result and you’re putting your kid, your guests, your neighbors, and your dogs at risk.

   Basically, he’s done just about everything wrong when it comes to having a dog. Yeah, you can get away with it more with little dogs who are easier to manhandle and can’t inflict as much damage, but this isn’t a little dog. And if the worst happens, you guys may literally get dropped by your home owner’s insurance or have to destroy the dog if you don’t train it or get rid of it.

   But cripes. Spay and neuter. It’s like you guys are actively trying to create an environment of chaos for dogs and are surprised that chaos is what you’re getting.

   And again…we are so short on qualified handlers who can take on dogs with behavioral issues. And when it’s a restricted breed, that whittles down the options even more. Dobes, while awesome IMHO, aren’t allowed with many insurance companies—like I can’t take one. I also can’t take PB’s, Rotties, huskies, or any other bully breed. Not allowed.

   I am really trying to be constructive here and not shit on you OP. But you have kind of a ticking time bomb in your house that you guys created so I would run, not walk, to a solution.

4. You gently brought up the rehoming conversation months back, and your husband’s “resolution” to it was he would more thoroughly train the dog. Well, he hasn’t done so, and now there’s an infant in the picture.

   Don’t wait until something grisly happens. Rehome that dog ASAP, without your husband’s knowledge or consent. When the inevitable anger and sadness (on husband’s part) ensues, stand firm and say this is for the safety of our child. Husband will get over it in time. He hasn’t faced up to reality, so you need to do that for him.

5. First step: get all of these dogs fixed NOW.

   Second step: I normally don’t advise giving ultimatums but he has until (whenever your baby is projected to hit the crawling milestone) to be in a training program and have his issues sorted out. This behavior is a direct result of a lack of giving a shit on your husband’s part, and he WILL cause harm to come to your baby. Or else the dog goes to someone that can care for it.

   You did what you could, but both of you should have done more honestly. Your husband had no idea the commitment it took to raise a big dog and you shouldn’t have let him sit on his hands here.

   I really don’t want to blame you because I saw how you were just trying to keep him happy but you have an actual crisis now, and I believe an ultimatum or getting rid of the dog altogether is going to make everyone, including the big dog, happier and healthier.

6. Why didn’t you MAKE SURE the dog was being trained and that your husband was actually taking care of the situation? Did you just forget until months later? So sick of people complaining about something but never actively try to fix it. Put your damn foot down before it’s too late (child gets hurt).

7. Get your dog/s fixed. Aggression is a huge part of the problem that you are having with them. Hire a trainer to come to your home. Or, find a training facility where the dog boards with them while he is rehabilitated. The dog is bored which leads to destructive behavior. You both are equally guilty in creating this mess. And, no one unless they are an experienced owner will want the dob because you have in essence created a monster.

8. First thing, have you not spayed and neutered your Weiner dogs? Obvi not. That’s cause your fighting problems. Be a responsible pet owner and get that done

9. He assured you he would work with the dog and he didn’t. Now you want him to promise again, and you expect different results?

   No. He didn’t do what he said he would, and now you have to follow through. “You said you’d do xyz by abc timeline, and you haven’t. Now it’s time to rehome the dog.”

10. So your husband has done nothing and yet you also have done nothing? Why is the female not spayed? You are both failing all your dogs. Spay the female and get the Dobe in training. I don’t understand how a family unit can get a dog and expect it to be one person’s responsibility. You both got the dog. It belongs to both of you. So you both need to step up.

11. There is a lot that goes in to training a big dog and clearly your husband was not ready for that responsibility. He wanted the big dog because he wanted the “big dog” but he had no intention of putting any effort into its training. It’s going to be very difficult to retrain an adult dog, and your husband has already proven that he can’t be trusted to even take the dog out to the bathroom.

    Obviously this dog needs to be rehomed because he is not safe to have around the baby. You say you’ll keep your baby close, but you need time to relax and feel comfortable in your own home and if you can’t walk away from your child for two seconds for fear that your dog might do something, that’s an issue. Your husband also needs to realize that he is irresponsible and unfit to own a big dog. Period. Sounds harsh, and he will probably deny, but it’s true. It’s also inconvenient for guests, nobody wants to deal with an unruly, barking, crazy dog. Maybe you could have some friends back you up on this? Let him know that the dog would have a better quality of life with someone who has the time to train him and to give him the attention he needs.

12. Neuter/spay your dog’s to stop the dog fights. Start going for hikes, dog park runs, trails, bike rides, longboarding, swimming, etc. with the Doberman. Participate in training the dog and not making it all your husband’s job. Large dogs take a while to break out of puppy-hood.

13. ESH. Get your dogs spayed/neutered/fixed. Leaving 2 males alone together when a female dog is in heat will only escalate the situation and result in a dog fight. Even though your female dog is in heat you can still neuter both males.

    Why haven’t you personally contacted a trainer and expect your husband to do it when he’s away and when you see that he doesn’t do anything to help you out? When people train dogs both dog owners have to be present during training and do what the trainer says like telling the dog to sit, lay down, stay etc so the dog will listen to the both of you.

    “I have given him time frames, I have looked into trainers in the area, but since we agreed he was his responsibility, he needed to be the one to take him to training and do the training with him. ”

    If you saw that the time frame was passed, you google “dog trainers in the area”, look at their reviews and hire the one who seems the best to you. Even though it’s your husband’s dog since both of you are dog owners it’s the responsibility of the both of you to make sure the dogs get trained and both of you have to do the training.

14. A huge animal lover that can’t be bothered to castrate their animals? Sure that’s believable.

15. So he can’t take care of a dog. So logically the next best step was to have a kid?

16. I think you should reconsider your marriage

17. For starters your dogs should be fixed. There is zero reason after a year of age that a dog shouldn’t be fixed unless your intention is to breed. You are creating a dangerous environment by not having your animal fixed.

    Next, you should absolutely rehome this dog. That is a high drive dog who has exercise and stimulation needs that have clearly never been met. If he’s been that destructive the entire time you have had him then you, his owners, are the problem not the dog. Dogs don’t train themselves and you have acknowledged that. Your husband is not capable of taking care of this dog the way he needs to be taken care of. So please, rehome the dog for the dogs sake. This dog does not deserve to be put down when he eventually bites someone because of incompetent owners.

18. You guys sound like the perfect example of people who shouldn’t have dogs. You are totally irresponsible in all of your actions and your dog pack reflects it. You people are absolutely unbelievable. At a minimum fix all dogs and for God’s sake get the heck out of the puppy mill business. Losers.

19. Honestly, this doesn’t bode well for how he will parent your child. You have my sympathy.

20. The problem isn’t the dog. The problem is the husband. The dog loves you but he only does what you teach him to do. It will be the same with the kid.

21. You don’t deserve kindness – the way you have abdicated your responsibilities to both of your dogs is nothing short of a disgrace. Blame your husband all you want but you’re an adult with agency and you don’t get to do that. Let’s be clear here – by refusing to train this dog you are sentencing it to death. Pull your finger out and step up if your husband isn’t going to. Or you should rehome both of your dogs – because you are a terrible owner.

22. I mean, get your dogs fixed. That’s what stood out to me the most about this post. You aren’t a professional dog breeder, you’re just a family with pets. There is no reason for you not to have your dogs fixed.

    Your doberman is clearly bored af, but your husband is also clearly not interested in stimulating the dog’s attention more, so yeah, rehoming seems like the best option. If it were me, I would frame it in terms of what’s best for the dog. Y’all don’t have time to train the dog, spend hours a day walking it and playing, etc., and the dog deserves an owner who will do those things.

23. Dogs such as dobermans were bred to work extensively and exhaustingly all day, as well as to have strict structure so it knows its place and sees you and your husband as the pack leader. None of this has been established and the dog has no understanding of hierarchy, this coupled with being bored as fuck you will never have a home suitable for this dog. Either your husband starts committing to training and exercising this dog every single day, or you do what’s best for your family and the dog and find him a home suitable to fit his needs.

    There are other large breed dogs that you can take a more relaxed approach to training. It will be a tough conversation but you would be doing what’s best for everyone

24. Honestly you and your husband are the perfect example of bad dog owners who shouldn’t have dogs. Neither of you put in the effort needed to responsibly raise animals. When you take on the responsibility of raising a dog, it’s a family effort. You don’t “have the dog trained”. 90% of dog training is training the human. It’s about learning to communicate with your pet.

    There’s a huge difference between loving/feeding/taking the dog potty and raising a dog. You are not a dog breeder. Under no circumstances should you own any dog in heat. It is irresponsible and even dangerous for your dog. Puppies born from backyard breeders statically end up euthanized in shelters more often than not because families re-home them or give them up due to a variety of reasons. Most of the time the backyard breeding is an accident and it’s always caused by the owner.

    It’s extremely hard to do it properly now that you have a child and two untrained dogs with bad habits that you caused. But if you do want to work hard to help not only them but yourselves, then I highly recommend you research positive reinforcement training from someone like Patricia McConnell or Zak George and Victoria Stilwell.

    Edit: Changing your own habits is extremely difficult for humans and our egos. At this point it’s probably best to work with an organization to re-home both of your dogs families that knows what they’re doing. It’s what’s best for the dogs.

25. I’m sorry OP, but both you AND your husband are being irresponsible owners here. You need to sit down and be very clear with your husband – either the dog gets trained and exercised as required for his breed, or he needs to be rehomed to someone who will do what is necessary.

    First of all, either both males or the female should be desexed if you don’t want to add puppies into the mix (and it WILL happen, because you will not be able to keep them separate 100% of the time when the female is in heat).

    Secondly, Dobermans are NOT dogs that fare well in small homes. They need experienced owners, large yards, and a ton of mental and physical stimulation, not to mention training that neither of you seem willing to provide. Did you do any research into the breed before you went and got the puppy, or did your husband just pick it because it’s ‘cool’?

    Thirdly, if your husband is not willing to rehome, he (both of you, really) needs to roll his sleeves up and get to work before the dog a) internalises the bad habits and b) ends up hurting or permanently maiming your very fragile newborn. All the behaviours you described (chewing, barking, jumping, rough play) are indicators of a bored, under-stimulated dog, and they are only going to get worse going forward.

26. Your husband is childish and stupid.

27. First get the dog spayed and neutered. Dogs who are not fixed together is a recipe for disaster. A kind and firm ultimatum for your husband needs to be issued to take reigns immediately and have an action plan asap. Appointments to the vet to spay/ neuter and research for a trainer with immediate enrollment after they recover from surgery. Both dogs need to get trained. If this can’t be agreed to and the process started, I think you have every right to rehome but you should do your due diligence before doing so.

28. I have two dogs and three young children (under 3). First of all, you NEED to desex your female.

    Secondly, this is just part of having a big dog. They are fuckin destructive if you do not exercise them regularly. Until my Labrador was two years old, I had to wake up at 4a every morning and take him to the park for two hours. Then go to work. It was the only way to ensure he didn’t destroy the house (for those who say he should be in a crate, believe me, I know. I lived with my parents at the time who thought it was “cruel”, so I could not consistently crate train him).

    You guys signed up for a big dog. You need to see this through or rehome it ASAP to someone who knows what they’re doing while the dog is still young and pliable. Once your baby starts crawling in a few months, it gets MUCH harder to keep an eye on both the dogs and kids.

29. geez. people like you just shouldn’t have any animals at all. all of you sound clueless in the matter.

30. Why haven’t you fixed your animals???

31. To be clear, the problem with the dog is bad owners. The dog (ALL of your dogs) need to be spayed/neutered, and they need professional training. It’s not surprising at all that you’re seeing behavior issues with your dog.

    I don’t say this to be mean or make you feel bad. It’s not fair to a dog to give it no training and then expect it to behave the way you want.

32. If you female is in heat, it tells me you haven’t gotten all of them fixed. That’s the FIRST important step. Be responsible dog owners. No one has trained your dog, so stop saying he never learned x, he was never taught. You’re both assholes.

33. Why on earth haven’t you gotten your dogs fixed?

34. Alright. First thing is first. Never have two male dogs and a female dog.

    When the female dog is on heat. The other two male dogs will fight for dominance.

    Also start walking the dogs. Everyone wants a dog until the dog gets bigger then they forget about it. It’s just a breeder at that point. 🤮

    Also neuter the dogs. Especially if it’s two males and one female dog. That shit is definitely gonna blow up no matter how trained they are

35. You have an untrained killing machine in your house so obviously the next logical step was to add a baby to the mix. What the fuck is wrong with people?

36. Hate to add to the broken record, but you need to read this as many times as possible.

    Spay and neuter your pets. No excuses. Get it done.