I wonder why do I have such a big fear of rejection? That disease makes it damn hard to connect with people. I always try to make every social situation perfect so that people will like me and welcome me, but in contrary that makes the situation more awkward because I overthink every word and people’s reactions and come off as being inauthentic. So instead I avoid social situations because I always feel bad afterwards and thus cant make any new friends.
Why do I always think people wont love me and I’m such a weird person they wont bear it?? Can you just be yourself and still have many friends??
2 comments
I used to be like thos at a moment and it got to a point I just became a “people’s pleaser”. This is a mistake, don’t do it. Whem you stop pleasing, people are gonna bail. You are placing yourself in a submissive or lower position from the beginning. Chin up, just be yourself. Sometimes we get along with people, sometimes we don’t, that’s life.
As long as you keep fearing rejection, people will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Genuinely connect with them in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.