I (20M) have been talking to someone (35M) for a little over three months. We hang out frequently, go on dates and talk a lot. However, lately i’ve been feeling like I wanna see what else is out there or if I can find someone who’s a better fit for me.
First off, as much as i try not to let the age gap bother me, there are certain things I’ve taken into account that do put up a bit of a challenge for me, such as our place in our careers, the goals he has and where they’ll take him compared to me, the amount of money we earn and how much we’ll be able to put into the relationship, etc. Second, we have very different interests, I love the beach, movies, stupid board games, and dumb jokes. He doesn’t like the beach, hates movies, is more “smart funny”, and doesn’t like board games. Third off, he can be a bit self indulged, always talking about how he’s always being hit on, how good he looks in particular clothing, or how people always flirt with him and he brushes them off. I know it’s okay to have confidence, and admit to being hit on a lot, but to the level that he says that it’s a “burden” on him when he goes out does make me feel a little awkward, and sort of just laugh it off and say “yeah that sounds tough.” Lastly, and I think this was the thing that made me reconsider starting a relationship with him, he’s a very dry texter, short and simple responses, or if he’s not in the mood to talk he’ll literally reply “Ok, talk to you later” or “Ok, goodnight” when i’m quite obviously trying to have a conversation or ending my message with a question. Like, if you’re not in the mood to talk that’s fine, but i prefer a “Hey, can we continue this later, I have some stuff I need to do?” instead of completely ignoring whatever i said. In person, he leads the conversation and whatever I have to say quickly gets looked over as if he has no interest in what i have to say. He loves showing me anime, or music that he likes and while i do enjoy it, when i try to show him something that i’m into, he looks at it or listens to it for a minute and then starts talking over it, making me feel stupid and end up just taking it off.
Growing up I was always like “the black sheep” of the family, cliche I know. But, everyone could be having a conversation, and the second I have something to say it feels like everyone just starts zoning into a completely different conversation and I sort of stop mid sentence. Or if someone goes to the store, and everyone asks for something, somehow whatever i asked for always ends up being forgotten. And when the attention is on me, it’s always about my sexuality, or why i don’t have my own place yet, or why i haven’t graduated college, or why i don’t just work in construction or something, very belittling questions that honestly i just prefer being ignored at that point.
So dealing with that most of my life, I want someone who will give me the time of day, and listen to what i have to say, so when he glosses over my interests, or doesn’t let me finish a sentence, it does strike a deep nerve in me. Like, am I really that boring or uninteresting??
I’ve never been in a relationship before so i don’t know if i’m just expecting too much, or am being a little selfish. But, I want someone who’s actually going to show genuine interest in what i have to say, someone who likes the same dumb jokes I like, someone who will watch a movie with me without complaining about falling asleep, someone who will drop everything to go to the beach, someone who’ll listen to my dumb conspiracy theories, or why one superhero franchise is better than the other, or anything i’m passionate about without cutting me off, rolling their eyes, or just ignoring whatever i said.
Don’t get me wrong he does have his good qualities, he can be very charming, funny, he has taught me a lot about fashion, how to better dress myself, he’s taught me to not care what other people say and do what makes me happy. He has given me a sort of new found confidence I didn’t know I had. And I’m very grateful for that, but i just don’t know if that’s enough to compensate for everything else.
Is it ok for me to feel like this, and how do i tell them?