I (23f) have been dating my boyfriend (25m) for almost three years now (three full years in September). I love him dearly, but I’ve noticed lately Ive been mentioning the future quite often. I feel extremely hopeful in our relationship, constantly daydreaming of one day moving out with him, and things becoming more serious… I’m embarrassed to say, I share these feelings/thoughts with him quite often… too often.
Someone please give me a reality check. I feel like my emotions are just getting way to out of control. They are overwhelming even for me… my boyfriend has been a sport about it. When I asked him how these comments make him feel, he politely told me it gets to be tiresome hearing them sometimes (due to frequency), but he still likes it. It’s worth mentioning, he never really talks about wanting to move out together, etc. Regardless, he says he likes hearing how hopeful I am of the future, and that he feels hopeful as well.
I’m inexperienced when it comes to relationships. This is my second serious relationship, and the ONLY one to last this long! It’s all very new to me. It’s exciting, but I fear I’m being naive in some way. Sorry if that’s vague, but I don’t know who to ask about this for an honest, blunt, unbiased perspective.
Advice please???
Tl;dr: I being up the future too often with my boyfriend, and I need advice on managing my feelings so I can dial it back.
2 comments
Well, what is your expected timeline? At 23 and together for 3 years, it would be normal to already be living together in my culture. Is that not common where you live?
I mean I feel like three years is a long time. I think instead of constantly mentioning it you need to have a serious conversation of where your relationship is heading. I am a 23-year-old female as well and I am currently dating a very good man. The first conversation we had we spoke of our intentions, we were very clear that both of us eventually want to get married one day whether it’s to each other or not and both of us want to have kids one day whether it’s with each other or not. It’s very important that you make your intentions known and that he makes his intentions known so that no one‘s wasting their time here. Three years is honestly pretty long to not know where the relationship is going and for him to have never talked about moving in together or anything beyond what you guys have going on now is pretty odd in my opinion. I think sitting down and having the real conversation you need to have with him is over due. Not for nothing but these are our good years. From 18 to 27 it’s very easy for you to find the kind of man that you want or make the changes that you need to attract the kind of man that you want to marry. If you’re looking for marriage or a life partner you need to make that clear with him and move on to a man that wants that as well if he doesn’t want that. You shouldn’t feel bad, it’s normal to be wanting these things and dreaming about these things with a man that you’ve been in with a relationship for so long but it’s not normal that you guys haven’t gotten your intentions out on the table yet.