F(24) M(32) My boyfriend does not satisfy me in bed. It’s been 9 months. Prior to me, he had never given a woman oral. He’s done it to me (maybe 3 times) only because I told him there’s NO WAY I’m giving and not receiving EACH TIME when it comes to oral. He does nothing to get me worked up. No fingering, no oral, he barely even sucks my boobs. He’s so used to being a selfish lover that it’s really impacting my relationship with him and I rarely want to have sex with him.
The times he has eaten me out, haven’t been great even when I guide him. However, I pretend to enjoy it in hopes that it’ll make him more comfortable/better at doing it.
I love spontaneity. However, when we get ready to do it, I’m literally doing all of the foreplay. I’ll stroke his penis, and at most he’ll rub my butt cheek. I suck his penis, again, at most he’ll rub my butt cheek. He will then ask me to play with myself because he likes how worked up I get from it. I’m literally trying to pleasure the both of us. And yes-I’ve told him this. He comes up with 1001 excuses. I get waxed faithfully because he doesn’t like even peach fuzz down there. He still hasn’t eaten me out in months. Though he states how much he loves doing it to me. I literally hate having sex with him now and during, I think about other things because he does not make me wet anymore.
I’m so used to amazing sex and not feeling like I have to ask for oral because my exes did it OFTEN (even if we didn’t have sex). I’m not sure what to do anymore. Thoughts?
37 comments
life is too short not to Get what u want 🥰
>I literally hate having sex with him now
Yikes. It sounds like you’re making wayyyy more effort than he is ever going to put in. You may not be sexually compatible with him.
Yeah, girl you need to find you a man who is sexually mature.
Honestly some men are like this. Personally I feel like they don’t deserve to cum, lol.
What I’d do is to NOT reciprocate until you gets yours…An orgasm (or 3) for an orgasm.
Be open and honest with communication, and tell him that he’s bad at sex and you’re not satisfied, and it’s due to lack of effort on his part, and that other lovers were able to make you cum very well.
And tell him that you’ll only allow PIV and give him HJ/BJ’s if he gives you good foreplay and makes you cum a few times orally or with fingers….etc.
Honestly this approach has often turned selfish lovers into amazing ones for me. But it depends on him. If he loves you enough to want to change and be a better lover it works. But often guys are too selfish and are only self focused, and will reject this, at this point you know the relationship is over
Ughhh I feel your pain. My husbands the same, just lies there like a bump on a log, uses one hand only, to barley even touch me, he won’t even touch me down there and if he does it’s literally less than 30 seconds (not exaggerating) before he stops. Eyes closed, robotic, no true desire etc… It’s so damn despairing. We’ve communicated a little bit about the topic but it’s hard, making sure you don’t discourage them in the process but also getting your message across. I’ve only spoken about the tip of the iceberg with him so far, and it’s been taking time, so be prepared for that if you want to try to make it work. But whatever you do, don’t get married. Best of luck.
Sorry
The rhought is move on. Find someone that cares about your pleasure. Don’t waste time. Plenty of people out there. Find a good one.
I am in the same situation while I don’t have as much experience as you just cause I’m a bit younger. It is so exhausting knowing that this person who supposedly “loves you” doesn’t give two flying fucks about making sure you are satisfied in bed. I was fed up, literally cried to my bf that I am so sexually frustrated that he is satisfied and I’m not that I said I will not being giving you head or having sex until I know you intend to please me. Perhaps do the same. Or, in the middle or sex, say you finished (even if you didn’t) before he does and let him see how that feels. Feel free to reach out to me! I don’t even bother initiating sex anymore because I know I’m not gonna be satisfied before we even start.
Move on with your life and tell him why
Well. There was a reason women closer to his age wouldn’t date him. Guess you found it. He’s lazy and doesn’t care about your pleasure. Is he like this in the rest of your relationship too?
I mean if you tell him and he refuses to change a little he’s just selfish no point in staying someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure. Move on theres someone out there who’ll do that and more for you!!
Okay I’m sorry but this sounds very fishy in my opinion… hairless only? Not even peach fuzz? Perhaps he’s sexually confused or is turned on by things he shouldn’t be and is addicted to porn idk it doesn’t sound right at all..
I don’t understand how some guys don’t do foreplay. Penetration after fingering or oral on my wife is the best fucking thing. She’s extra sensitive, already wet, and cums back to back until I do. Seriously just missing out on one of the best experiences life has to offer. The point of sex should be to make the other person feel good. If I wanted to just cum myself I can jerk off.
Break up. Dating isn’t about fixing people. It’s about finding someone that is a good fit for you. You gave this guy a try, and he’s not for you. That’s fine. Keep looking.
Oh dear. I understand all too well but I married him before we even had sex. It was a hard thing to just have to accept because now we have kids. But I’m okay accepting that for the greater potential damage it could do to our family unit if i left simply because he’s a terrible lover. Doesn’t sound like you are so maybe it’s a make or break convo you have with him next. There are just some men out there who don’t get it and never will.
Leave.
I don’t understand why so many couples who put up with bad sex/poor communication stay together so long!
Secondly, why can’t men understand that oral is important for women. Beats me that touching/caressing/going down on your female partner isn’t a priority for a lot of guys.
I love oral with a woman!
I can tell you right that y’all ain’t gonna make it. Sex is a HUGE part of any relationship. Get you a man that fucks you nasty , like you need. You sound very sexual , he sounds like a NERD !
why on earth are you still with this guy? Move on. There’s plenty of dudes in the world who will be able to pleasure you and actually ENJOY it. I would have been gone a long time ago. Life’s too short for bad sex.
Could you try maybe sharing suggested couple sex activity articles with him? Get his feedback on trying suggested new intimate activities? If he resists that too, like others have said, I think you may have greater irreconcilable differences.
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Once I had a girlfriend who was probably the equivalent of your boyfriend. Wasn’t into anything I wanted to try. So I had to have a long honest talk with her and say this is what I want. If you don’t want to make me happy, why should we continue this when you’re the only happy person? You have 2 choices, either we try to make each other happy or it stops right here.
Well, she tried to kink shame me, I don’t think asking for oral and the occasional anal was really that kinky, since she literally tried both of those things twice and actually liked anal. So I said answer the question or get out. Well, after 20 slaps later, I decided my face had enough and threw her out, she then tried to tell me I needed to fight for her and keep her… That was so fucked up. But I’m so glad it was over. Cause I have someone now who does all those things happily, and I also happily reciprocate anything she wants… To think she wanted to deny me this future is absolutely insane.
FYI, I heard from the grapevine 2 of her last relationships fell apart for the exact same reason.
DUMP HIM. Sexual compatibility and satisfaction are obviously important to you (same) you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and as you said he’s is “used to being a selfish lover”. He acts the way he does because it’s who he is and what he likes. He isn’t worried about your satisfaction, which I’m certain does and will bleed into other areas of your dynamic. I would have something else to say if the problem was just him not giving oral, but it isn’t. He doesn’t have any desire to touch you or get you off beyond the minimum requirement to use you as a cocksleeve. He’s eight years older than you, as well, so he *should* have enough experience & just general empathy at his age to show consideration for a sexual partner. He does not. This is a choice. Find someone who gives a fuck
Stop pretending to enjoy it for the sake of this lacky you call a boyfriend. Fuck how he feels and tell him straight that he sucks, and if he cares enough he’ll go and lick his wounds for a bit, think about it and then maybe do something about it. If he doesn’t care, then find someone else you’re more sexually compatible with because sex is important in a relationship.
I just have one question…Do you guys have consistent arguments? Asking because of the stated age of OP & SO. My answer may change accordingly…
Is this the same guy that people were telling you to leave when you posted about him 6 months ago?? Why are you still in this relationship?????
“I’m bored during sex. You don’t engage in foreplay. Here’s what I need to have good sex, and you know this already but you aren’t doing it. Time to put up or I’m going to have to move on.”
A) never fake it. It only encourages bad sex
B) After a certain point in time sexual compatibility is either apparent or not. It seems that it’s not. If you need a better lover, it might be time to cut bait.
C) My only thing I’d suggest to you is that nothing sexual should be quid pro quo. Don’t do sex act X with the intention to get Y. Do X because you want to. That being said, if you desire someone who will go down on you, by all means let that be known ahead of time and if they won’t, again, time to move on.
Perhaps he’s a closet homosexual. This doesn’t sound like a man who wants to be with a woman IMO.
You’re 24. No point wasting more time with a 32 year old that doesn’t even know what he’s doing.
Stop the bjs. Pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing. Make it uncomfortable to him.
Ew. This isn’t even a sexual problem. Your boyfriend is a bad lover who DOESN’T care enough to learn your body, ask to improve etc. it’s a him thing. I don’t think it’s worth continuing tbh.
My bf was a virgin before me, and I’m scared to introduce new things because I’ve never been one to take the lead. We’ve only done missionary and “cowgirl” just me on top of whatever. I’ve used my mouth and hands on him, he’s used his hands but never his mouth.
The most I’ve ever tried to do was I sucked on his finger one time, and licked his fingers after he ya know to me.
it’s so hard! 😭
I just finished reading the whole post and wtf! if i don’t feel like shaving and that turns a guy off, fuck him! A vagina is a vagina, hair or not.
the amount of (early20sF) having problems with her (30sM) posts in this group is kinda wild. He’s clearly selfish and immature. Unless there’s some other reasons for you to try and make this relationship work, probably break up. He needs to figure his shit out while you seem to have yours together
You are a 24 year old woman. Pretty much the whole make adult population wants to fuck you. Leave him and find someone new.
why is it always (early 20s F) and (30+ M) in these situations where the young girl doesn’t see that she deserves better??
I’ll channel Dan Savage and say “Dump the motherfucker already” 🤷🏽♂️