I grew up in a very zealous evangelical family but no longer subscribe to any particular organized religion. I still like my family personally, but they always tend to revolve their conversations around religion. Every time I visit, they try to proselytize to me and debate my reasoning for not being in the Southern Baptist church. This is really annoying, but otherwise I like them personally and don’t want to hurt their feelings or put down their faith even though I disagree. What are the most tactful ways to disengage from these conversations in the future?
12 comments
Ack. No fun
Well, don’t engage for one. If they start talking and you don’t reply or respond hopefully they’d get sick of preaching to an empty pew and stop? Or make an excuse “excuse me I have to go to the bathroom” and come back to someone else.
THEY’RE the ones being rude, not you by escaping a pushy conversation.
A simple “im not interested, for my own reasons” should be respected.
While I can appreciate that, to Them, they’re trying to save you, it can’t be forced upon you, that’s just plain rude.
You must not be a muslim cuz if you are, they’re gonna come after you so bad. The radicalism is very high.
I would simply tell them just that. You love them and you don’t want any hurt relationships over something that isn’t a big deal.
I just say “Thanks a lot but I have my own spiritual beliefs that I am comfortable with.” If they persist they are being rude and I usually say “thanks a lot but I’m really not interested. I have my own spirit beliefs.”
It’s always worked. No one gets offended.
Honestly, you probably can’t. They’re not respecting your beliefs. Beliefs can’t be debated; they’re not logical positions based on factual evidence. That’s why they’re called *beliefs*.
You can tell them it’s not up for debate, and change the subject. But if they still don’t respect you, there’s not much you can do to change their behavior.
Divert it from indoctrination to either Bible or personal experience
Like instead of general talk how great is church and religion ask them about moments in their life’s and how Bible apply
Than, proceed with asking questions specific to their situation
Ppl will either shut up not to tell you about their problems or give you evidence that they did sth wrong and so you can use bubble against them
Threaten to convert to Islam.
Let their comments bounce off of you and keep saying you are not interested.
“But you will go to hell.”
“Maybe, but I’m not interested.”
“Having a strong belief in Jesus will make you feel better.”
“Possibly, but I’m not interestested.”
“You just don’t understand.”
“Yeah I don’t understand a lot of things, but I’m still not interested.”
“Just come to church once.”
“Thanks for the offer but I’m not interested.”
“Would it kill you to come to church once?”
“No I’d survive but I’m still not interested.”
I just tell them I have my own religion that I follow in my heart. If they ask what it is or to explain it, I tell them it’s personal. If the continue to pry, I emphasize that a big part of the my religion is that it’s personal.
It always works for me. It generally leaves them confused.
They have a brain virus. Logic or conviction or reason or even emotion will not work or stop them. Only repeated conditioning, the same way they were programmed in the first place, will ever wind them down from this kind of thing. Especially since they are convinced they are doing something good because they love you.
The only way I’ve ever navigated this situation is strict and clear boundaries. No god talk or I leave, right then. I’m not gonna argue, they know the rules. I share my disappointment at their behavior, and leave.
They will push the boundary. They will try to reframe some conversations as “family” or “cultural values”. Acknowledge what they are doing, that they are not clever, and there are no workarounds to having respect for me.
This has opened up small windows of tolerable interactions. I wish you luck.
Alternatively, respond with an MLM pitch and do not stop taking until they yield from not caring anymore. Then leave.
Once the conversation turns to religion, it’s time to leave. I have dealt with a lot of family and public that are very religious and the only way to deal with them is to leave as very often the conversation just continues to increase in intensity.
A lot of hardcore Christians see it as their duty to ‘save’ as many people as they can. And that duty is exponentially higher if it is a family member.
“Thank you for including me, but I won’t be able to attend”
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for saying no to something