This could also be a question for r/relationshipadvice but I’m talking more about the expression part.
I’m an Indian student (25M) who has had a crush on a certain colleague for last 4 months now. We originally met online but soon met as it turned out we’re in the same city. Now after 3-4 months, we have been candid and have met numerously and talk quite a lot despite my inadeptness at social events. She is into some other guy and clearly shows no interest in me. I have had zero experiences in a relationship all my life and was always timid when it came to women. I have never actually asked out someone in my life ever.
24 comments
You show her.
If she is into someone else clearly, then don’t waste your time daydreaming about her. Maintain good friendly relationship with her. And start finding yourself a date either through dating apps or some social activity.
Come on, years of ineptness in social skills and then getting the girl you like would be so much of a fairy tale. Even if you get someone that easily, how would you maintain the relationship if you’re that awkward.
Get some work done to improve personality and have some dating experience so that the next time you come across a girl you like and she is single, you don’t get rejected because of your social awkwardness.
Wait for your turn or keep with your life. But if she barely knows you. Keep your life.
Tell her you like her
It will just make her uncomfortable if you tell her. There is no point in telling her, especially since you know she likes another guy and has no romantic interest in you. You should just maintain the friendship and start talking to other girls.
> She is into some other guy and clearly shows no interest in me.
well, there is your answer.
if she would be single, then you can make your move but not at the moment.
how to tell her? easy, tell her that you have developed feelings for her and would like to go out with her to get to know her more and see if there is chemistry and if she would feel the same about you. that’s about it. never be ashamed to shoot your shot. just because you tell a girl you like her does not make you into a lesser man or more vulnerable and whatnot. on the contrary, taking action is the right thing to do. there is no one who can laugh at you if she turns you down because you go after what you want. on the contrary, that’s to be respected. and if she turns you down, you can move on and stop thinking about her. you won’t be stressing out and obsessing about here because you know where you stand. so not asking her would be actually a mistake because you would be torturing yourself and constantly stressing about her. it’s like a visit to a dentist. just get it over with so you can move on.
If she likes someone else you’re fucked.
Your friend zoned bud just let it go and move on to the next liking
‘I like you’
I made this mistake myself when I was in my teens and I tell you, don’t tell her, it’s too much out of the blue. Show her instead.
Me: so emmm, uhhhh, I like you.
Her: oh, I don’t.
Me: you don’t like yourself? He he he
Her: ….
Me: I think my mom is calling, gottagoseeyoulater BYE!
Cringy and gut wrenching then but I laugh at it now lol.
Good luck.
Try to show it before you say it, if you then think she’s into you tell her.
However you said she’s into someone, so she probably has you friendzoned.
You take the chance and tell her.A cold refusal is better than Regret. If she flips out or yells at you ….just go away from her don’t make a fuss…unfriend her..if it is not meant to be it isn’t meant to be ..if it goes well …then it’s ok…what’s not ok is to compromise on your self respect and go behind her like a lovelorn puppy..don’t do that ..if what you seek is a romantic relationship….keep it that way….if it fails ..you know what to do..if she isn’t that into you…you aren’t obligated to chauffer her around..and cater to her needs.. you just find a new person
Aray bhaiya, you can ask her out however you want. Straight-forward is usually best.
But tell me this first, do you like her because its her? Or do you like that she’s giving you attention and that she’s pretty? This is one of the first experience you have had with women, right? I’ve had friends who started crushing on my girl friends when I introduced them but that was because they were sweet people and gave them attention. So it is a pretty common thing in our generation.
Pain is temporary, but regret is forever…..Do what u feel is right
Sorry to hear your situation, and my recommendation is that chances are you a person that needs some practice in that department. I wouldn’t recommend telling her you like her cause chances are you do not know how to bring this subject. When you are aware that a friendship is turning into something special the two are more aware. I’m not saying either will speak up that’s a different topic. You clearly made mention that she likes someone else, and that she has not made any moves on you. I’m sorry to say you have to let be and understand that the circumstance is not in your favor. I recommend you try the same process again to meet someone online dating has helped me out. You probably seek to have the same interests and have a very special relationship. It’s not worth losing a person like her. If you don’t like that answer I understand people will want something close to.. she needs to see you in a “new light” people that like other friends tend to hang out more and spark a new outgoing or passionate route. Showing that you are capable of more than the casual things the two of you do. Understanding this is a hard concept since not everyone has the same results. I had a guy try the sport a girl liked or sing in front of a crowd that liked him. I’m not saying go full Hollywood. I’m saying you gotta show that other people she hasn’t meet perceive you in a positive manner that could change her perspective about you.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was soo into her back then, but she wasn’t showing up any signs of liking me back which was kinda pissing me off.
Read a lot of advice online and, even though ppl were generally saying to let her go, I found an after-party moment when we were alone and told her … very clumsily and visibly embarassed about how I felt. I thought I’d preffer a “no” than a “what if” and I still don’t regret my decision.
She wasn’t too surprised on hearing that, but rather didn’t know how to react. She just didn’t feel the same.
I accepted that and eventually moved on though it hurt.
That’s what I’d tell you now too from my experience, if that girl liked me back, she would have probably acted like it. I just was too stubborn or felt happy to lie myself. Shoould you still tell her? – It’s up to you 🙂
Regardless of your decision, I wish you best of luck and keep putting yourself more out there either way. Peace!
(Please excuse my English)
EDIT: The advice on this thread are great and valid from a rational perspective, if that’s not her, there are still many girls with whom you can try next.
Nice guy finish last. Just be that nice guy until the very end and maybe she will show some interest in you. Also don’t stop in exploring other potentials if you want.
If she’s clearly not interested in you, then just, don’t? If making the friendship awkward or ruining it all together is worth it to you then just do it, simple as that. Just ask her out…
If you’re an international student, I would flaunt my wealth. Some people are into that.
she just wants to be friends with you. If she has any interest in you then she would not have talked about other guys in front of you.
If a girl is spending any amount of time with you and she is showing interest in another guy, it means she is in love you. From my experience.
Secondly, accept that you are a man and have feelings. Just get her to be alone with you for a minute and tell her you need to tell her something. Then just tell her very nicely. You are not doing anything wrong. Just let her know you have feelings for her and you just wanted to let her know.
Then she either says “Oh I have feelings for you too” or ”She says she is into another guy”. Either way you increased your chances of landing her because she will know and think about you from that point on and her “other guy” might not work out. So win win.
Hope this helps. Just be serious and direct but not aggressive and mean. Be nice and kind but don’t she weakness.
If shes into someone else then move on. For next time just tell them how you feel then ask then out on a date!
If you love a woman walk up to her and let her know
Tell her that if she’s ever available you’d like to go have coffee, lunch, liquor, sex or whatever. It’s foolish to think she is clairvoyant and knows what you think. Don’t be a pussy, real women don’t care for wimps.