w/out background: I was sitting and looked annoyed. Both my wife and daughter (1.5 years old) came over. My wife started hitting me in my face playfully, I guess to change my mood. I told her to stop but she continued. I told our daughter to say “stop” and then I made a sad face which upset our daughter. My wife didn’t like it, so I told ok, then stop, but she continued to put her hand in my face, so I made a sad face again and it upset our daughter, so my wife finally stopped and became upset with me. I don’t think I was necessarily the bad guy in this situation.
Background: we just received a bill for $1300 from the hospital so I told her I was annoyed by that and that it kind of ruined my evening. She also asked me to pick up a bit, to which I replied the cleaners come tomorrow so I was just taking it easy today and focusing on work (I clean most days between the cleaners, but I’m typically lazy about cleaning the day before because I have to put stuff away and do recycling before they come). She told me it doesn’t matter and it still needs to be done, so it added to my annoyance.
How I proceed this event: my wife was in direct control of me making the sad faces that upset our daughter. If she didn’t want me to make them, all she had to do was to stop bothering me. And as for the cleaning, I understand wanting to have a clean home, which our home is especially for parents, but what is the point of me paying for cleaners that you wanted if I can’t be lazy the day before they clean…
Thoughts?
10 comments
Just an endless parade of childishness from everyone involved.
– You were the one in control of **your** face and childish, garbage behavior.
– Your wife is in control of **her** childish, garbage behavior.
That’s how this works.
No this is a good thing. If you essentially communicating your daughter without saying a word do that. Seems more like your wife is overbearing and controlling and this is an common thing. My advice is do what your doing and stand up to your wife otherwise she will keep doing this
If she wouldn’t stop why didn’t you just leave the room?
You were both childish here.
Why would you involve your daughter in this?
I don’t know and don’t care if your wife was playfully annoying you or if it was outright abuse leaving marks. You do not involve your child in that. What you did is worse than anything she could do. I’ve seen actual abused partners, and they protect their children. They don’t involve them.
And as a side note, it’s super shitty to make her feel bad about a hospital bill.
First off, the hitting really bothers me.
Playful hitting is fine but after saying stop there is no excuse for continuing. That is disrespectful and domestic abuse.
If the man and woman roles would have been reversed, everybody would have condemned the hitter.
Second is the pick up ordered by your wife. That sounds like her acting out of annoyance instead of being sensitive about your bad day.
Both are red flags in my opinion.
Your wife was completely out of line. A sad face is not a big deal, ESPECIALLY when another human is hitting you in the face and won’t stop when you ask them to. She’s ridiculous and prob felt super dumb so she turned it on you. How sad.
Never involve your kids in an argument. That should be a hard line.
On top of that, your wife sounds really immature and annoying. She didn’t respect your no which is very unhealthy. I don’t blame you at all for being pissed with the way she acted. Next time just don’t involve your child.
I’m assuming you have legs and a mouth. You use your mouth to say “Please do not touch me. If you continue to touch me I will need to walk away.” Then if she continues to touch you then you use your legs to walk away. If she follows you then you again use your mouth and say “I’m asking for space. Please give me 10 minutes to be alone. If i can’t get 10 minutes then I will need to leave for 30 minute drive” so on and so forth. It’s called clear communication.
> She told me it doesn’t matter and it still needs to be done.
Response: then you are free to do it.
If she starts pestering you, reiterate your point, tell her that you need some space and leave the house for a while.
Why a bill for $1300? I hope all is okay healthwise.
Your wife should not be hitting you. And not hitting you after you ask her to stop. Odd behaviour.
Cleaners come to clean surfaces. They can’t clean if your personal items are on the surfaces.