It’s a long post. Today my husband (38) finally answered my (37) phone call after he walked out a week ago. It started out very angry and accusatory and he said we were done. He calmed down and we had a good conversation and we both had a bit to say. I asked if he was sure or he needed more time. He was quiet for a while and he said no he needed it to be over, he can’t get past my lie and he still is unsure if I did infact sleep with our male friend (now ex-friend) (I did not!) I understand this, it was a big lie, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. We have become very toxic over the last 18 months, huge arguments and our daughter is here taking it all in, watching it unfold. I love him, he loves me but there is so much resentment and hostility between us and I discovered he was Snapchatting a woman he recently just met and leaving mine go unanswered. I think they may be something developing, but I don’t think he left me for her..as yet. I know he’s right, we are better to be separated..at least until we both rediscover who we are as people, maybe permanently. It is wrong a part of me is still holding out hope. We have been together for 24 years, married for nearly 7 and have 3 kids, a house, bills, family, friends. I can’t imagine being without him. One moment I can breathe, I feel ok about it, the next I feel so anxious and hurt and disappointed. Disappointed he doesn’t believe me, disappointed I lied, disappointed he isn’t fighting harder to work through it, disappointed I caused him to see me in a shitty light. I broke his heart and I don’t think I can forgive myself. It hurts like hell. He’s a good man, with many faults and done some incredibly hurtful things including domestic violence but really a good man at heart. I can see how happy we could be, does it really end just like this. Over. Done. Finished. Please someone tell me it’s normal. I’m trying to take it hour by hour at the moment but it’s approaching the end of the day and I’m starting to freak out a little. I know I’ll be ok, but will I. We have hurt one another so much, I just want to repair it. At the end of the day I just want him to be happy, and I don’t anymore but I love him so much. Or maybe I love the thought of us and what we were. I don’t know. Please someone tell me how to handle and get a check on my emotions.
Summary husband left me and I don’t know what to feel or think or do.
6 comments
Hey, you’re going through a lot right now, it’s got to be normal to feel weird. I really wish I could say something that makes this all better… I’m struggling to not do the guy thing of looking for a solution instead of just listening.
But I’ll suggest one thing; forgive yourself. You can’t ever carry all the blame for a situation.
Thanks, someone else said that to me today. Forgive myself or I’ll carry the burden forever. I’ll not sure how to do that yet but it’s something I’ll work on.
Hey OP, I read your last post and in this one, you mentioned a history of domestic violence. I can understand why you didn’t tell your husband about your shitty friend coming on to you. I was married to a guy like that once and he would’ve made it my fault, no matter what I said.
Divorce fucks with your head and emotions. After all, it upends your entire life. It can still be a very good thing. Find yourself a good therapist and work through everything. You will need time to mourn the relationship. You will be ok. There’s life on the other side.
I was married for 25 years (53M). 3 years ago my ex wife started acting differently, and a year later we separated (her choice). It is just the strangest thing, even stranger than an unexpected life threatening illness (I’ve had both), even if it’s the right thing. You’re about to experience a range of emotions from day to day or week to week. Allow yourself to experience them, don’t make rash decisions, find a suitable therapist to go through this with you, get a good lawyer, and just try focusing on you. I also advise you to not attach-your emotions to his progress in life — just focus on you and his life is his life now.
I pampered myself so much: long walks, dinners out by myself, hiking, writing, reengaging old friends. Just tried to heal myself. And be my best friend.
Take care.
Domestic violence, lies, emotional affairs…wow that’s alot. It appears time apart is what’s best here so you both can figure out next steps and whats best.
Well individual counseling can only help come to terms with your contribution to the issues and help you come up with better ways to deal with them. Go through the stages of grief. Realize your dreams of happiness staying together are dreams and can change to dreams of happiness being seperated. You can be just as happy seperated if you let go of being togther is happiness.