21F Incapable of feeling sexual pleasure
I have a hard time seeing it as anything other than having something done to me, or my body being used. Rather than it being an equal thing for both parties.
It’s kind of a chicken and the egg situation. I don’t know if it’s because growing up and viewing hetero pornography, it /appeared/that men achieved orgasm and derived pleasure much more easily and readily than women. OR If it’s Because I myself have lifelong sexual anhedonia and seeing people having intercourse I just couldn’t comprehend women experiencing pleasure from sex or masturbation so it seemed one sided.
It’s probably a mix a both. It sucks because I would like to enjoy and have sex but I physically can’t. It just seems demeaning especially being the receiving partner.
I don’t mind giving pleasure, not at all.
It’s that when I am allowing myself to be touched, that’s just it, I’m allowing it. Like whether they want to kiss me, or suckle, or go down, anything at all, I’m letting them do it because they want to and it makes them happy. I used to catch myself saying “I don’t mind letting him use my body.” (in the context of making him feel better) because I don’t get anything out of it.
As a side note; I am currently not sexually active and won’t be for some time. I’m Demisexual and although my last and most recent partner was loving for a time, he became treacherous before long, resulting in an tumultuous split. So I likely can’t put any possible advice involving physicality into practice, for now at least.
2 comments
If you’re uncomfortable with masturbating maybe try focusing on things that give your body pleasure in non sexual ways to start. Like how good it feels to dance, warm sun on your skin, massaging lotion on your body to get comfortable with experiencing physical pleasure. When you get more comfortable with that you can try masturbating without porn and go really slow. See what feels good and also note what doesn’t. Then when you are with a partner you can take a more active role in receiving by telling them how and where you want them to touch you or not touch you so that it’s less of something happening to you passively and instead is something you are actively involved in and in control of
Is there at least a disconnect for you where you’re able to intellectually realise what you feel isn’t correct? That the majority of peopel are having mutually pleasing sex? It’s hardwired into our brains regardless of gender. Trying to change the way you feel about a complex issue like sex will take years of unraveling false beliefs. But it all begins with you getting fed up with yourself and saying “ugh! This is dumb.”