Long story short, my ex partner and I were together for 6 years. After the first year we broke up for 2 weeks and I went on a date. During that date, I was sexually assaulted.
I decided after the event, probably in a state of shock, that I wanted to reconcile with my partner. During our reconciliation I told him that yes I went on a date with someone and that yes things happened but that I was too upset about it and I didn’t want to talk about it.
I thought he understood.
The next 4 years were turbulent. We had a kid and got married. Bought a house together. But he was emotionally abusive towards me. Eventually it was coming up on the 4 year anniversary of what happened and I was ready to talk about it. I told him more details and he claimed he had no memory of any of this and he then accused me of cheating on him. More ammunition for abuse. And then we spent another year together until I left for the health and safety of myself and our child.
To this day he still tells anyone who will listen that I cheated on him. He’s told this to people that I deeply care for and now these people do not like me as a result. Am I supposed to clear my name? I don’t want to tell the world what happened but it breaks my heart that people think I would cheat on someone who I loved very much.
9 comments
First off you need to remember this.. that slandering of your name is the only way he can continue to abuse you okay? So I know it hurts but rip those people off like a band aid too..
Set your feelings aside on this one because they were probably blissfully unaware of the abuse and I would even go as far as saying they would deny it too if they heard about it.
It’s good to just get away from circles of people like that completely.
Been here. It’s a special breed of hell and I’m just happy to see you’re speaking of it in the past sense. I know your whole world got turned upside down but you’ll be okay.
I am sorry that this happened to you. You should clear your name with your friends and loved ones and you can begin by making a public statement with showing them the police report and what happened to the sexual assault case. Followed by how abusive your husband is that this is what he calls cheating.
It hurts now, but it’s going to end up being ok. After I was away from my ex for a while I drifted away from our shared friends anyway because I just couldn’t confide in people who were blabbing about my ex to me and blabbing about me to him. I just didn’t want the connection to him anymore. I’ve made my own friends since then and I honestly don’t care about those people from my former life anymore.
Lose his number hunny…you dont need that in your life.
Well if it helps, he’s an asshole and some people are stoopid. Truth always outs. It’s a long game. Chin up.
Tell them he feels guilty for abusing you and you child.
I wouldn’t hesitate to both clear my name and kick dirt on his:
“We broke up and I went on a date and was sexually assaulted. That’s what he calls cheating, and he’s punished me for it ever since.”
If someone isn’t at least questioning his story after that then you probably don’t want them in your life.
Of course it’s your prerogative on whether to tell or not but I’d have no hesitation in terms of his feelings about being outed. What an AH.
If they actually were your friends, then they wouldn’t let his experience cloud their opinion of you.
You may care about your relationships with these people, but your ex will try to control you until the day you die. I suspect many of the relationships he is poisoning are your shared relationships with your child. Your former MIL/FIL aka the grandparents of your child whom you probably wanted to keep a good relationship with for the sake of having grandparents.
You know that these are lies, but you need to rise above that shit and let it roll off of you. If he sees your pain or reaction, then he gets what he wants.
Talk to your lawyer about how to file for abuse in your area and have a custody agreement that protects you and your child from his influence.
Clear your name with said friends if they’ll listen and co parent. If they still believe ex husband delete them from your life. You have to have a relationship with him because of said child but don’t let him dictate your future. Good luck and I hope you get the outcome you’re looking for and move forward amicably and with peace. I hope you heal from your trauma as well.