Basically I’m really introverted and didn’t do anything for my first two years in college, and I just recently got into a club. A girl I liked is dating some other dude and they’re doing well, I’m not mad at it, I just hate them being so damn lovey dovey because it makes me feel inadequate.
Point being though I’m introverted because I’m insecure about my face so I get really afraid of women because even if they’re acting polite to me I’m worried they’re judging me behind my back for my appearance and it cripples me from being able to connect with girls in general.
I wanna lose my virginity to prove to myself that a woman can accept me and that I’m not ugly and that I can enjoy life because I can find someone to accept me again later on. My issue is I have no game. I’ve swiped every girl at my school and fumbled the conversations that actually did start.
I’m just so sick of being so damn mad at myself all the time I just wanna lose my V-Card so I can know a girl can find me attractive and I can live an actual life.
How do I get my foot in the door of a girl finding me attractive? How do I get over my fear of being seen as ugly by women?
TL;DR: I wanna lose my virginity to feel better about myself but I have no game. How do I overcome my fear of being seen as ugly by girls? How do I become attractive?
3 comments
Losing your virginity to prove something to yourself is just unfairly using a woman to sort out your internal problems. It’s not cool, and they likely smell it on you, which is why you’re having no luck. You’re probably doing the verbal equivalent of asking a woman to dance with a visible, raging hard on. You’re not gonna find someone willing to be your dehumanized receptacle, your any-port-in-a-storm, to sort your shit out. Unless you find a prostitute.
Also you’re not introverted, or not necessarily. Introversion is not shyness or insecurity.
You become attractive by liking yourself. Not by getting someone else to when you don’t.
Some of the many key paradoxes of life (1) If, from a place of emptiness, you seek a partner – they will flee from you (or, worse, you will end up in a toxic relationsip). However, if you seek to fill your emptiness, partners will be drawn to you (and your relationship will be healthier). (2) If you try to fill yourself with your own purpose for your own benefit, you will keep yourself distracted from your loneliness for a time, but it will still be there like a shadow when you stop to look around. (And, again, a partner will be repelled by your self-absorbtion … unless they are simply reciprocal using you). However, if you dedicate yourself to higher purposes for the benefit of others, you will find yourself fulfilled and your loneliness greatly diminished (and, again, your purpose, fulness, strength, and selflessness will attract a partner and healthier relationship).
Boys fear danger and discomfort. Immature Men face danger and discomfort for their own gain. Mature Men face danger and discomfort for the benefit of others – and that demonstrates their readiness to be a Husband and Father.
Now you have some time before you being called to be a Husband and Father. But if you approach the hunt for a girlfriend with a “Boy” or “Immature Man” mentality, you will miss an opportunity to grow in fulness, wholeness, honor, and wisdom. 20 in college is an EXCELLENT time to take ownership of your own masculinity and maturity and grow in virtue toward becoming a Mature Man that a girlfriend and potential wife will be authentically drawn to.
Don’t walk further into the desert trying to reach a mirage of fulfillment/ self-confidence through sex. You may reach what you believe is an oasis only to realize you’re trying to quench your thirst by drinking sand.
First of all, being a virgin doesn’t matter. I was a virgin until 30 (by choice, but really no one knows what your situation is).
Secondly, I highly doubt losing your virginity is going to solve any of your insecurities. I thought I would somehow feel differently after sex…but nope. In a sense, having sex is like eating a sandwich. You can eat a sandwich, it will satisfy your hunger, but you’re going to wake up the next morning and still feel like the same person you feel like today. And you can have sex, it will satisfy your horniness, but you’re going to wake up the next morning and still feel like the same person you feel like today.